


Improbable, Not Impossible

by AmberDread



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst, Author has Taken some Liberties, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, HEA, HISTORICAL INACCURACIES ABOUND, Halloween, Historical Inaccuracy, I Mean the Slowest of Burns, I'm Bad At Summaries, Master/Servant, Mystery, POV Rey (Star Wars), Recipes, Reylo - Freeform, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Tags Are Hard, This is not ABO, Werewolf Kylo Ren, When I say slow burn, does this count as, no beta we die like men, surprising amount of cleaning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 07:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 73,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21240578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberDread/pseuds/AmberDread
Summary: Victorian AUAfter a difficult start in life, Rey has the good fortune to be engaged by Lady Solo to work at her country retreat in the lake district and serve her son, Lord Solo.Upon her arrival though, the situation is rather different to how she imagined it and the man she is to work for? Well, he seems absolutely beastly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dalzo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalzo/gifts).

> Tags/warnings/ratings may be updated.

Rey was cold. Cold and exhausted, because although she was in the women’s only carriage of the train, she didn’t feel safe enough to fall asleep. This was probably just foolishness on her part, but thinking so did little to help her.

So she sat, occasionally wiggling her fingers and toes when they went numb and trying (unsuccessfully), not to worry as she stared out of the window.

At first she had very much enjoyed the view- she had never been outside of London before and the sight of so much green, such lush tall trees and gently rolling hills, the way rivers curved and ran thick and fast and  _ alive _ , was absolutely enchanting. 

But then the night had come, total night, such deep darkness that she couldn’t help but be anxious. In London, even with the regular occurrence of smog so thick it was known as a pea-souper, you never really felt so alone, there was always some form of light near you, some illumination.

Here though, the darkness was almost complete, save for the odd town or village to speed through, which made the contrast so much more obvious when they were quickly left behind.

Rey was travelling 280 miles, she still couldn’t quite get her mind around such a figure, it felt alien inside her head, but then so did the speeds the train travelled at.

The current situation altogether was mind-boggling, her life had been turned completely about in the space of one week, a week that had seemed both to last a lifetime and to have slipped through her grasping fingers, much the same as water does…

As a child, she was abandoned by her parents and ended up in a workhouse. It was a bleak situation at the best of times, but Rey had managed to survive. From the women there she learned to sew, weave and spin, how to wash clothes, how to cook and clean. There was help, but no affection, no one to hug her when she was sad or exhausted, no one to wipe her tears after she hurt herself or pat her on the head when she did well. Over the years, she grew to accept this lack, and be glad of it, that meant it hurt less when someone left or died and both those things happened regularly. 

There was a priest who came in once a week to teach simple reading and writing to anyone who wanted to learn. Rey got scoffed at by the women for attending, they told her no one wanted a clever  _ girl _ , but Rey decided if she were ever to get out of there, education would help.

And as It turned out, it did help. To the priests surprise and her pleasure, she soaked up her lessons like a sponge, anything he could teach her she voraciously absorbed, reading, writing, figuring, how to speak properly, how to behave politely… and then one day, the Priest came to tell her he had found a position for her, a man who needed someone just like her.

At age twelve, she left the workhouse for the employ of a man named Unkar Plutt. She was to cook and to clean and to help him manage his home.

Mr Plutt was not a particularly kind man, but that never bothered Rey, she hadn’t been expecting a friend. What she had was better than friendship, she told herself, she had work to do, clothes that didn’t carry the fetid stench of the workhouse, more food in her belly and a tiny room to call her own, a small bed that was just for her.

As she grew older, she became aware that Mr Plutt’s business was less than savoury in nature, but she turned a blind eye to it because there was no guarantee that she could get another place without a reference and she had absolutely no desire to return to the misery of the workhouse.

Unfortunately, Mr Plutt’s chickens came home to roost, as Rey had secretly feared they would. Mr Plutt was arrested and as his maid, so was Rey.

After some questioning she was released, deemed to know nothing and have no part in his crimes. She was permitted to go home and collect her things before she was out on the street, with nowhere to go but back, _ back _ to the workhouse.

But she couldn’t do it, couldn’t bring herself to return there and so she went and sat despairingly on a bench and allowed herself to cry for the first time in many, many years. Rey knew she had options, but none of them were palatable. As she gazed at her gloved hands, trying to think of a solution, a gentleman stopped by her to ask if she was alright.

Utter mortification overwhelmed her as she looked up to see an older man with a scraggly beard and kind blue eyes staring at her with genuine concern.

After excusing herself and wiping her eyes, rather than walking on, the man had sat next to her, and Rey, to her astonishment, found herself telling him everything.

The long and the short of it was that the gentleman, Lord Skywalker, introduced Rey to his sister who was looking for a maid for her son.

It was like some sort of fairytale, some miracle that offered her a second chance at a normal life. Lady Solo, who was so regal Rey was a little afraid of her, engaged her straight after meeting her… and now, here she was, sitting on a train with her past far behind her and heading towards a future she didn’t know the shape of.

Her train arrived at Penrith mid morning. The air, once she had left the station and the smoke from the train, was overwhelming fresh and sweet, but also cold.

With a shiver, she went in search of transport and eventually found a man with a horse and trap and asked him to take her out to Varykino, the home of Lord Solo.

The man raised a grizzled eyebrow at her, then spat on the floor, “Ain’t no Solo out at Varykino, lass. That be the home of  _ Kylo Ren _ ,” he paused and eyed her up and down, “Tain’t nowhere you want ta go.”

Rey frowned, Varykino was definitely the house name Lady Solo had given her, and it was so peculiar that she couldn’t imagine there being another in the vicinity. 

Gripping her worn carpet bag tightly, she looked him dead in the eyes, “Nevertheless, I would like to go. Are you able to take me?”

The man looked her up and down again, then shrugged, “Aye, I can take ye, but let’s get on, daylight be wasting an I want ta be away from there afore twilight falls.”

When they left Penrith, at first, despite being hungry and tired and nervous, Rey gazed in awe at the beauty surrounding her. She felt like she had fallen into a dream, for in the spring sunshine, the hills and fields that surrounded her looked like the very meadows of heaven.

When she was beginning to feel the clatter of the cart in her bones and her bottom was becoming numb, she was distracted by yet another awe-inspiring sight- Ullswater lake.

The trap stopped for a second, “It’s a sight ta behold, ain’t it?” the driver asked in a satisfied tone, “Most beautiful lake in all the world.”

Rey had never seen a lake this size, but despite her lack of comparison, she thought the man was probably right. The mirror bright water stretched away into the distance, the land started out flat but rose steadily until the water disappeared between green hills, waiting to be discovered. An abundance of trees and bushes led right down to the water's edge, hiding birds that sang so prettily Rey thought she may weep.

It was a far cry from London, and she felt that it would be impossible to be unhappy here.

She smiled at the driver, “It really is, thank you for pausing.”

“Tis a view that requires a minute,” he answered with a gap-toothed smile, before clucking to his stocky piebald to start moving again.

The road hugged the shore, occasionally the view would be interrupted by trees or occasionally turned inland a ways, but it always came back to the water.

As the journey wore on, the sun dimmed and hid behind the clouds and the temperature dropped. It wasn’t long before a fog descended, unlike London’s smog, it didn’t reek or make her cough, but it made the already cold air utterly frigid and there was nothing to be seen but the horse and a few paces in front of them.

Time seemed to stretch endlessly with nothing to see and no way to mark it, Rey huddled in her seat, tucking her new cape closer to her body.

Lady Solo had insisted on having new uniforms made up for her, included was a thick warm cape, which Rey was very glad to have. She had worn her own clothes for the journey of course, not wishing to get the new ones crumbled and dirty, but the cape had been easier to throw on than fit in her bag and it had been a comfort on the train too.

The road twisted and turned, sometimes abruptly and with the poor visibility they were forced to move slowly. Now the limbs of the trees and hunched shadows of bushes seemed a little frightening, like hands or claws that were reaching out as if to pull her from the trap.

There was a scream in the distance, a shrieking cry that chilled her bones and made her gasp, her gloved yet cold fingers tightening reflexively on the handles of her bag, “What was that?!”

The driver chuckled slightly, but it had an edge to it, “Twas just a vixen, lass, nowt to worry about, for now at least.”

Rey turned her wide eyes, which had been attempting to see through the fog, to the driver, “For now?” she queried, not in the least reassured.

The man nodded grimly, intoning cryptically, “Strange things happen near Varykino.”

The sentence had the feel of a well worn saying, rather than anything else and it did little to dispel Rey’s building disquiet. 

After what seemed like an age, as if they were stuck going round in circles or not really moving at all and left to forever be travelling surrounded by white and nothing else, they came to a small bridge and the road split in two. The driver stopped and looked at her, his expression shuttered, “This be where we part ways, lass.” He pointed at the left hand road, “That leads to Varykino, and whatever awaits you there. I can take ye no farther.”

Rey stuttered in shock, “How far is it?” she bit her lip, Lady Solo had given her a travel allowance, “What if I can pay you more?”

The driver shook his head, “Tain’t a matter of price, lass. This is the closest I’ll come ta Varykino in the fog. Tis ill-omened.”

Rey stared at the road ahead of her, or the little of it she could see, then gave herself a little shake, she had no choice, this was her miracle and likely the best thing to happen to her. She refused to let herself be scared by a little fog and what were so far seemingly baseless superstitions.

Taking a deep breath, and wincing slightly as the bitter air invaded her lungs, she scrambled inelegantly off the trap and onto solid ground.

“Is the path easy to follow?” she asked in what she told herself was a calm and even tone of voice.

“Just follow your feet lass, there’s nowt else down that road, save Varykino.”

Despite the man leaving her rather in the lurch, she thanked him politely, gripped her carpet bag determinedly, and started down the road that was shrouded not only by fog but also by trees, stretching towards each other creating a sort of archway.

The clatter of the trap sounded loud in the still air as it turned, “Good luck ta ye,” the driver called, as if it somehow made leaving her alone in the fog acceptable, then he added, “You’ll need it.” 

Rey’s opinion of him sunk below what was salvageable. It was possible she wasn’t meant to hear it, but the fog made sound carry strangely, and she absolutely did. At least the affront it provided her with fueled her feet, lending energy to her cold, stiff limbs.

The bag was heavy and awkward, her skirts long and she was so very tired, but her only option was to continue on her way, to whatever awaited her at the end of the road.

Every sound made her jump, every moving shadow made her eyes dart, sure there would be something there. There was a sense of watchfulness, of eyes in the dark, patiently waiting for her to let her guard down.

Her heart beat was loud in her ears, even though she tried to calm her breathing and told herself how silly she was being, the thump of her pulse didn’t slow.

The sudden caw of a crow, invisible but close, almost made her heart jump right out of her chest, then it was answered by another; no wonder she felt like she was being watched.

Rey let out a shaky laugh, in the hopes that the sound may trick her mind into feeling less afraid. It didn’t work particularly, but she carried on, one step in front of another.  _ She could do this. _

The road opened up suddenly, widening into a courtyard and Rey got her first look at the purportedly infamous Varykino. 

The house was built of large sandstone blocks, with tall windows which were ominously dark. From what she could see, it was a large, stately residence, and in the sunshine it would be beautiful but now, in the fog and unnatural stillness, it looked empty, a haunting vacancy that made her spine prickle with misgivings.

The feeling of being watched if anything increased, as she herself stared, all the while trying to summon up the courage to find the servants door, while a small voice at the back of her head implored her to run back up the road and hope that the driver had returned for her… Then, a dim light bloomed, small and brave in a shadowed window. 

A relieved breath left her, one she hadn’t known she had been holding onto, she was being foolish, a little fog and tall tales never got to her before! Deciding it was just tiredness and worry, she straightened her clothes, tucked any wisps of hair inside her bonnet, then quickly walked around the side of the house to find the side door.

Even though her fingers were numb inside her gloves, she knocked on the door long enough for them to hurt.

When the solid wood was finally opened, by a thoroughly startled looking young man, she almost told him off for not answering sooner. Biting her tongue and remembering that Lady Solo had mentioned there were only a few other staff there, as well as wanting to make a good impression, Rey smiled as politely as her chilled cheeks allowed her.

“Good, ah,” she absolutely refused to call it evening yet, “Afternoon. My name is Rey Johnson, Lady Solo engaged me as a maid.” As the man’s expression continued to be bewilderment, Rey became increasingly nervous. “This is Lord Solo’s residence? Varykino? You should be expecting me?”

The man’s eyes were now wide and slightly terrified, “Lady Solo?” he gasped out, appearing to be almost speechless. Then his head whipped behind him and he shivered, “You must not call him that name, he is Lord Ren now.”

Surely Lady Solo would have mentioned this sort of detail? “Lord Ren then, but I have still been employed by Lady Solo.”

She watched as the man's adam's apple bobbed frantically as he swallowed, “He won’t like it, he hasn’t mentioned such a thing.”

Rey frowned, if this were Varykino and this Lord Ren was Lady Solo’s son, then why was he not expecting her? Could Lady Solo’s missive have gone astray? 

“I have a letter of introduction,” she answered as confidently as she could, “Perhaps I could speak with the butler or housekeeper?”  _ and come inside where I won’t freeze to death? _ But she kept that part to herself.

More stuttering was her reply before finally saying, “Mr Hux is out at the moment, miss.”

That was hardly an informative reply, Rey was beginning to get a little cross, taking a deep breath in, she asked, “Well, perhaps you can find me the next best person to speak with?”

It was as if all the air inside him suddenly deserted him, he nodded despairingly and stood aside so she could enter the narrow hallway that led past the kitchens.

Once the door was securely locked behind them, he led her through the dark hallway and up the servants stairs into the main house before pausing to knock timidly on a door.

After a moment of no reply, the man knocked again, a little louder.

“If that is you, Mitaka, you will regret it!” 

The voice was deep and angry and a shiver of apprehension crept up her spine as she watched the man who must be Mitaka, flinch.

“My Lord Ren, there is, ah, there is a girl here to see you!”

There was a pause then the voice asked,  _ “What girl?” _

A few seconds later the door was wrenched open and was filled with a man dressed all in black. He was so very tall, so large and menacing with an alarming countenance and deep penetrating eyes.

Rey quite understood Mitaka’s demeanor now and if this was Lady Solo’s son, he was nothing like his mother.

Lord Ren looked her up and down with a curl to his lip, “Who is she?” he asked Mitaka, not her.

Rey was used to the rudeness and abruptness of the ruling classes, but this really rankled her.

“My name is Rey Johnson, Lord Ren. Lady Solo has engaged me as a maid for Varykino, she had assured me that you would be expecting me?” 

The man scoffed, “I got her letter, yes and my reply was sent the same day, I do not want or need a maid. Go home, go back to London or wherever you’re from, this was a wasted journey.”

It may have been the cold, the length of her journey, or the fright and uncertainty of her arrival, but something in Rey reared up and would not be pushed down.

Placing her bag to rest on the floor, Rey drew herself up and matched the man eye for eye, “I was engaged by your mother, Lady Solo - this is  _ her _ house is it not?” she swept her gaze around the entrance hall and ran the finger of one glove along a small table against the wall that held a vase, she presented him the resulting rime of dust, “And it is in definite need of a maid.”

There was the slightest horrified gasp behind her from Mitaka but she didn’t take her eyes off Lord Ren’s face.

For a moment there was a ripple across it, as if there were too many emotions hidden behind those dark eyes, then it went still and pale but there was a twitch under one eye and his gaze was furious.

“I do not need or want a maid,” he said softly, but the tone was far more menacing than before.

Something in Rey refused to back down, it was almost as if something had been awoken, like it had always been there, but now, today, was when it chose to surface. 

“This is Lady Solo’s house, I am her maid. I will make every effort not to enter your presence but I will do the job I was employed to do.”

For a moment, there was utter silence, you would be able to hear a pin drop in the next room, then, to her astonishment, Lord Ren growled,  _ like an animal, _ before turning and slamming the door shut in her face. There was an angry roar from the room accompanied by the sound of smashing glass or pottery.

Rey took several steps back and clasped a hand to her chest, sure that her heart was trying to beat its way out.

A gentle tug on her sleeve reminded her that she was not alone.

“Miss Johnson? Would you, ah, like a cup of tea?” Although Mitaka’s voice trembled he attempted a smile.

Rey sagged slightly, “Tea would be absolutely wonderful.” 

  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

It was with great relief when Rey settled herself in a chair by the kitchen fire, the sudden steel in her spine had left her and she was feeling rather shaky and horrified over how she had spoken to Lord Ren, yet she had meant every word of it.

She smiled gratefully as Mitaka handed her a cup of hot tea and a plate of bread and butter. “Thank you, Mr. Mitaka.”

He blushed slightly and ducked his head, “You’re welcome Miss Johnson, ah,” he licked his lips nervously, “Will you really be staying?”

Taking a blessed sip of tea to wet her mouth, Rey nodded, “For now, at least. It may be that Lord Ren will contrive to have me sent back to London, though.” Mitaka looked a trifle downcast, which made Rey smile again, “So tell me, how many other staff are there?”

To her astonishment, Rey learned that there were only three, Mr Hux, Lord Ren’s valet, Poe Dameron, who ran the stables, gardens and the general upkeep of the house, and Mitaka, (who shyly asked her to call him Dopheld), who did the cooking and other necessary things to make the house run. Though it appeared all three men shared tasks to a certain extent and helped each other out when necessary. 

When she asked how long Lord Ren would be staying at Varykino, Dopheld had shifted nervously as he told her that Lord Ren had lived alone here for almost fourteen years. He didn’t give a reason, despite it being so peculiar and Rey didn’t press him further, after all it was none of her business.

As houses of the upper class went, Varykino wasn’t large when compared to Lady Solo’s residence in London and a lot of the rooms were closed up, with furniture covered in dust sheets and curtains drawn across the windows, shutting the world out and sealing the silence inside.

To her, as a stranger looking in, it felt as though Lord Ren was hiding from something or someone. Of course the upper class could be eccentric and often behaved in a way that made no sense to common folk, yet for some reason, Lord Ren did not strike her as a typical recluse. The large wine cellar and stock of prime cut red meat in the pantry she noticed when Dopheld showed her around, did not speak of a monastic lifestyle either.

It was most curious, but Rey put it and Lord Ren firmly out of her mind, she was going to do her best to steer clear of him and she doubted he would ever come below stairs, so their paths need not cross unless necessary.

There was something desperately melancholy and sombre about the quiet house, and Rey found herself stepping as lightly as possible, an instinct to not break the hush as if behind those dark and silent doors something slept that should not be disturbed. 

The bedroom Dopheld took her to, which would be her room so long as she was there at least, was thick with dust and stale air, chilly and had a damp feel to it. He apologised once more for not having it ready and for the fact that it was in the same part of the house as his and Mr Hux’s. The idea should be scandalous but if this room was so neglected, Rey didn’t want to imagine what sort of state the female servant quarters would be like. At least her room was at the opposite end of the hall to the men’s.

As she went about lighting a fire in the small grate and settling her belongings into drawers, Dopheld went in search of bed linens. The room was a little larger than the one she had had at Mr. Plutts, and with some cleaning and airing out, it would be comfortable.

Looking through her bag, Rey located her scented pillows. She had made them herself from scraps of material and filled them with dried lavender. The pillows were excellent for scenting drawers or bedding and soothing if she breathed through them when she had a bad head, the scent always made her feel calm - in her mind, home had never been a place, it was the scent of lavender, the only thing she remembered clearly about her mother.

Once the fire had heated the air somewhat and she had made up her bed, Rey carefully banked the fire and changed into her new black afternoon dress with white apron and cap, before going back downstairs to the kitchen.

As she entered, she found another man sipping tea whilst Dopheld cut vegetables at the large wooden table.

“Miss Johnson,” he stood, he was tall with red hair and pale eyes, dressed smartly in a valet’s suit, politely taking her offered hand, “I am Lord Ren’s valet, among other things, Armitage Hux.”

Rey bobbed her head, “Please to make your acquaintance, sir.”

“I must apologise for not being aware of your impending arrival,” he said gravely, “I understand that Lord Ren may send you back to his mother, but while you are here,” he licked his lips as he paused almost sheepishly, “Are you perchance able to sew tolerably well?”

Of course, in a house with no women, their mending pile must be huge, “I have some skill with a needle, yes sir.”

Mr Hux cleared his throat, “I am able to replace buttons and the like but I am afraid that is my limit. I would be most grateful if you would be so kind as to mend a few items.”

While part of Rey wanted to do absolutely nothing for Lord Ren, because he ‘_ didn’t need her _’, helping a fellow servant was only sensible. 

“Of course, sir.”

Unexpectedly, she spent her first evening at Varykino sewing beside the kitchen fire, observing Dopheld as he prepared dinner.

It was truly an odd arrangement, it appeared as though the staff here were jacks of all trades, the hierarchy was much less rigid than she had been expecting and notwithstanding Lord Ren’s behavouriour and the possibility that this may not last, she found herself to be quite content.

While Mr Hux was serving Lord Ren’s dinner upstairs, she and Dopheld took their own in the kitchen and were joined by Poe Dameron.

He was quite dashing, with tanned skin, dark hair and eyes and a ready smile. He made her quite nervous as he quizzed her while they ate, seeming to want to know everything about her. She answered as little as she could, feeling a little overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

The meal, while filling and hot, was rather bland and Rey wondered how a gentleman like Lord Ren could be happy without a proper cook… It felt as if she were missing something, what was the reason behind his withdrawal from society? According to Poe, who had been hired when Lord Ren first arrived at Varykino, he had been only fifteen; what could have driven so young a person to sequester themselves like this?

When she ventured a delicate query on that line though, Poe and Dopheld became quite vague. There were secrets here… but they were none of her concern.

She was utterly worn to a ravelling when she finally retired to room, it seemed an age since she had last slept in a bed. At least her room was no longer like an icebox and her thick nightgown helped ward against the chill but her stockinged feet still felt cold.

As it seemed like even the rooms in use hadn’t been cleaned properly for some time, the next day Rey commenced the_ Great Clean _, as she called it in her head. She was determined to do as much as she could before she was sent away again, in the hopes that Lord Ren would tell his mother how hard she worked and Lady Solo would help her find another placement. 

She started with the rooms in use, which was just the dining room, library and billiard room.

As lord Ren was not downstairs and would likely not be for some time, Rey felt safe to start with the library.

It turned out that this was the room Lord Ren had been lurking in when Dopheld had taken her to see him yesterday.

The first thing she did was draw the heavy velvet curtains, the resulting billow of dust made her cough, it made her wonder when they were last drawn... once the days were longer and the weather less disposed to precipitation she would have to take them out and beat them, probably the rugs too.

When her coughing stopped and her eyes adjusted to the new light, Rey looked around with awe. There were so many books! Of course she knew a library would have lots of books, but it still made her stop a moment and gape in appreciation, letting her eyes wander over the shelves and bookcases that were crammed with books of all shapes and sizes, colours and bindings. It was _ beautiful, _ the only wall space clear was the mantelpiece which was lined with miniature portraits. There was a heavy desk in one corner, covered in papers and a writing set, and two leather chairs by the fire, the proportion of which seemed to indicate that they had been specially made to fit a larger frame than usual. A handsome ivory and ebony chess set sat on one of two occasional tables, the other held an antique globe of the world and underneath was a bottle of amber coloured liquor and a glass. 

And there was a smell, a pleasant scent that was something like leather, wood smoke and something she couldn’t identify, it was sort of musky and warm, perhaps with a dash of cinnamon... No, not cinnamon but similar, was it spicy or peppery or little like pine?

She shook her head at herself, it didn’t matter what it was, she had work to do; everything needed dusting, the room would need a thorough sweeping, there were candlesticks to be polished and lamps to shine, the fire needed an in depth clean before being relit and there was a whole host of other tasks to tackle…

She was so deep into her work that she didn’t hear the door open or any footsteps till a throat being cleared made her start.

With a flush, she found Lord Ren staring down his long nose at her, jaw clenched as he glared at her.

“Since you refuse to leave and until my mother recalls you, there are some rules I will hold you to, if you wish to stay in this house.”

Rey would have liked to stand up, but felt that that would make him realise she found him intimidating, so she stayed where she was, she schooled her expression, “Of course, Lord Ren.”

The same muscle ticked under his eye and his jaw clenched again, “You will not enter the landing where the family rooms are, ever. Even if I am out, only Hux is granted access and any violation of this rule will result in immediate dismissal, and believe me, even if no one is here but you, _ I will know _ if you have been there when I return.”

Rey blinked at such an odd rule, put so emphatically, “Yes, Lord Ren,” she had decided she would not refer to him as_ my _ lord, as he wasn’t, perhaps it was petty, but she could not find it in her to care.

There was a sharp nod of his head before he continued, “There will also be times when I require you to retire to your room early and not stir outside it until the next day. Hux will inform you of those days and the times when they occur, the next one is two days hence,” he paused and she nodded her assent, “If you go out for any reason, I require you to be back here before the sun sets, unless expressly given permission by Hux or myself.”

Despite the strangeness of these rules, Rey merely nodded once more, “Yes, Lord Ren.” When he stayed silent she concluded that was it, yet he didn’t leave. Wiping her hands on her apron, she fished into the pocket to bring out Lady Solo’s letter. “This is my letter of introduction from Lady Solo.”

He stared at the envelope as if it were a viper and made no move to take it; did he not wish to check she wasn’t some vagrant who had just blustered her way in? Her hand began to waver and he snatched it from her at last, turned on his heel and left, slamming the door behind him, which seemed wholly unnecessary.

She stared at the door for a few seconds, then decided it was better not to concern herself with his strange behaviour and got back to work.

Her first day went quickly, time flies when you have a task and a will to get it done. She left the library just before lunch, it was by no means finished but Lord Ren would wish to use it. It appeared, to her surprise, that he was an early riser too.

Mr Hux came and found her in the afternoon while she was scrubbing the billiard room’s fireplace, to repeat Lord Ren’s rules, with one amendment, the nights when she was expected to be in her room early, came in threes consecutively and she must promise not to leave her room, at all, unless there was a fire; he offered no explanation for this but did invite her to borrow any of the collection of Penny Dreadfuls that were kept in the kitchen.

What could possibly be the reason for such a curious rule? It was just so queer, so… _ curiosity killed the cat, _ it was none of her concern. If Lord Ren insisted she go to bed early for three days in a row, why would she contest it? _ Never look a gift horse in the mouth _, she could take some mending up with her, maybe read for a while and get a good night's sleep for once.

** _Two days later_ **

Despite the luxury of turning in early, Rey was restless. There was something in the air, something that had been building all day, that had her on edge. She couldn’t seem to settle and gazing at the nearly full moon out of her window did little to ease her strange mood.

She had tried sewing by lamplight, or settling down with a story, but it was impossible for her to stay still.

And as she was wide awake, she became aware of all the noises her exhausted self had not registered until now. The house creaked and groaned, somewhere along the hall or outside a water dripped, a screech outside she now knew was a fox, but the other sounds? Grunts and growls, quick, heavy footsteps… a chuffing breath?

Rey shivered and pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders as she paced back and forth in front of the fire. She was just imagining things, of course she was, but that didn’t help her feel any less unsettled. Part of her was sorely tempted to open her door and look into the hall, but she had promised and a small part of her was too afraid of what she’d see it she did.

What was it the trap driver had said? _ Strange things happen near Varykino. _ But what? Why hadn’t he explained himself? 

He had not, because he could not, her rational side pointed out, no one she had met here had seemed the least bit…

A mournful howl interrupted her train of thought, somewhere outside, something was _ howling _. It couldn’t be a wolf, there were no wolves left in England, were there? No, no, someone would have said, the trap driver wouldn’t have left her the way he did if there may have been wolves around, surely?

Another howl, farther off than the first and Rey left out a breath, whatever it was, it was moving away… she scoffed at herself, what had she been afraid of? It wouldn’t have been able to get to her.

She was being such a silly goose, shaking her head, she curled up in bed with some sewing as reading a Penny Dreadful after such a flight of fancy didn’t seem like a wise choice.

When she woke up before sunrise the next day, she had convinced herself that what she had heard last night had merely been a figment of her overly active and curious imagination.

Indeed, Dopheld didn’t mention hearing anything, neither did Mr Hux or Poe, although there was perhaps still a tension in the air straining the air.

Lord Ren was uncharacteristically late to come downstairs that day, so late that Mr Hux took his lunch up to his room.

This suited Rey perfectly as she was able to work more in the library, losing count of the amount of spiders (living and dead) she found and helped outside.

She was cleaning the inside of the windows, the sharp smell of vinegar strong in the air as she furiously rubbed them with newspaper.

It looked as if the windows hadn’t been opened in years, there was a weak sun that day, but it was enough for her to open the windows and let some air and light into the darkness of the room, chasing away the shadows along with the scent of vinegar and dust.

She paused briefly to gaze out at the lake, when there was a sharp exhalation behind her and she turned to find Lord Ren, glaring at her once more. He took a deep breath in and winced. “Why,” he asked, the tone of his voice deeper and more gravelly than previously, “Does it smell of vinegar in here?” His eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark shadows beneath them, a stark contrast to his pale skin, as if he hadn’t slept well.

Rey nervously gestured to the clean, clear windows, she would have stepped away so he could see them better but he was standing too close to her, it made her feel nervous. “It is good for cleaning windows, Lord Ren.”

He huffed, then inhaled again, leaning towards her slightly to do so and cocked his head, “_ Lavender _,” he murmured, almost to himself, then abruptly jerked back his head as his eyes turned dark. “Get. Out.” 

The order was growled, she felt it as well as heard it, although a little voice in her insisted that he as being rude, she ignored it, gathering up her things in seconds and despite her haste, closing the door gently behind her.

She went and sat in the empty kitchen for a moment, the pitter-patter of her heart and flush to her cheeks making her feel distinctly odd.

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are unable to make out the font of the letter, it is in the notes at the bottom of the page ♥

* * *

To avoid another troubled night, Rey worked extra hard that day. She didn’t see Lord Ren again, but judging from the amount of times she heard doors slamming, she understood him to be of a particularly bad humour. 

Of course every time she had interacted with him, he was ill-tempered, but he certainly seemed rather more so today.

She put him to the back of her mind and continued her work in the billiard room, which was a much simpler room when compared to the library. It was paneled in warm toned wood, with a simple marble fireplace and wooden mantel, above which a pleasing pastoral landscape hung. The billiards table was also wooden, a lighter shade than the walls and floor and sitting upon a large rug. There were two plush red velvet camel back sofas against the walls and two chairs arranged opposite a small table next to the tall windows.

As she had already done quite a lot to it over the last couple of days, she managed to finish before the evening meal.

It was deeply satisfying, seeing the polished wood glow under in the lamplight and how the rich colours in the carpet were brighter, the warm scent of beeswax permeating the air.

Smiling to herself, she collected her broom, brushers, dusters and other paraphernalia and went downstairs so she could wash them, before helping Dopheld with dinner preparations.

It appeared as if they supped on nothing but simple stews and soups, while these were certainly not unpleasant things to eat, they would become rather tedious and definitely could be better seasoned. She hoped, if she did stay here longer, to gently give Dopheld some suggestions and show him some of recipes she had cooked for Mr Plutt. 

That had been one of the advantages of working for him, it had been just her and his manservant, Teedo; so she was able to tackle a range of chores, rather than maids who were trained for just one role. And she enjoyed cooking, Plutt had had a sweet tooth and she had baked cakes or biscuits at least once a week- here, they only had bread and butter with afternoon tea and she secretly hoped to surprise them with a cake soon, all she had to do was get some ingredients they were lacking.

That evening, she mended a few things before succumbing to sleep, drifting off unconcerned by any strange noises… Until something jerked her awake, her eyes flying open as something outside _ snarled. _ The brutal sound left her heart pounding as she clutched her blankets to her chest. It made her think of wolves again, whatever it was it must be close to the house for her to hear it so clearly.

She sat hunched, ears straining, awake for what seemed like a long time, but the sound wasn’t repeated and eventually sleep won her over once more.

Upon waking the next day, she stubbornly suppressed the memory, refusing to indulge her imagination any further… But when she heard something uncanny, something wolfish the third night, she was unable to ignore it any further.

At breakfast the next day as she pushed her porridge around her bowl, she asked Dopheld, “The last few nights, have you heard something, an animal snarling or,” she bit her lip, feeling more than foolish, “Howling?” 

Dopheld, who had been taking a sip of tea, started coughing and she had to pat him on the back before he could reply.

“H-h-howling?” he stuttered, face pale, “No, no, nothing of the sort.”

His eyes shifted about the kitchen nervously and Rey could tell he was lying, perhaps he felt as silly about it as she did, “There are no wolves this far north then?” she asked awkwardly, flushing a little.

“No!” he ejaculated, then looked a trifle embarrassed and lowered his voice again, “No, there are wolves still in Scotland, I believe,” he paused to lick his lips, “But I think people and livestock would go missing if there was a pack of wolves here.”

He seemed very sure, Rey nodded and started eating her porridge. Perhaps she had just been hearing foxes, after all they made screeching noises, perhaps they howled too?

That day, Lord Ren stayed in his room for the duration and Mr Hux mentioned that he was unwell and personally fried thick cuts of steak for his meals, the smell of which made Rey’s mouth water enviously. 

The indisposition didn’t last long however and Lord Ren was up the next afternoon, there was less strength to his slamming of doors, but other than that he was as pale and irascible as ever.

Rey had been just over a week at Varykino when a letter came by post for her. It was perhaps a little ridiculous, but it excited her a great deal as this was the first letter she had ever received.

Rey read the letter through several times, sitting alone in the empty billiards room. She had a choice, for the first time in her life she had a real choice as to what happened next, options as to where she went... Did she stay here or return to London? Her immediate instinct was to go upstairs straight away to pack her bag, but she was a cautious person and endeavoured to keep as level headed as was possible. 

The priest who had taught her and given her life hope and a way to thrive, had often counselled her to take time before making a big decision.

So, in a bit of a giddy daze, she folded the letter carefully and slipped it into her apron, resolving to go about her duties and let the idea ruminate for a while at the back of her mind.

That afternoon, Dopheld was busy assisting Poe fix the stables roof and Mr Hux was doing something upstairs with Lord Ren.

After scavenging around the kitchen and pantry she found to her pleasure all the necessary ingredients to make biscuits. It was a simple recipe, sweet and buttery and quite delicious.

Humming tunelessly, she happily flitted about the kitchen and soon the warm, tantalisingly rich scent permeated the room. 

Once the biscuits were out and cooling on wire racks, she busied herself cleaning up - it wasn’t just the upstairs that had been neglected over the years, below stairs needed an indepth clean too, it looked as if things had just been quickly wiped down rather than properly cleaned and clearly it had been like that for some considerable time.

She added the kitchen, pantry and scullery to her mental list of jobs and for now just focused on washing dishes, pots and pans, and sweeping up.

“Oh my!”

Poe’s voice echoed in the hallway to the back entrance, and Rey looked up from where she was sweeping by the fireplace.

“Is that heaven that I smell?”

He and Dopheld came through the archway that linked the kitchen to the hall, and Rey smiled, leaning her broom against the wall before going to pour them tea.

“Did you manage to mend the roof?”

Dopheld sank wearily into a chair and just nodded, he was wet from the rain and his dark hair stuck to his head.

“For now at least,” Poe spoke up, “When the weather becomes drier we can do a better job, but for how it holds. But enough of that, what are those and may I please have one?”

Rey blushed slightly as she set their cups of tea down on the table and went to fetch them some of the biscuits which were still a little warm, “Just some queen drop biscuits, help yourselves.”

As she had had one already she let the men eat while she sipped her tea, just enjoying their reactions to the treat.

After his third, Dopheld turned to her with guileless eyes and said fervently, “I really hope you do stay with us, Rey. I think already we would miss you if you were to return to London.” Poe had a mouthful yet vigorously nodded his agreement.

Rey felt a guilty pang, the letter in her apron suddenly felt heavy and almost like a betrayal.

“I may go for a quick walk,” she stood with a slightly forced smile, “I haven’t had any fresh air and could do with a turn about the house, please save some biscuits for Mr Hux, he and Lord Renhave been closeted in the library all afternoon.”

The rain had gentled into a fine drizzle and Rey welcomed the cool moisture on her skin and lips along with the sweet air in her lungs.

Rather than going round the house as she had said, she found a path to follow, leading through the gardens and beyond to Ullswater and the green hills that framed it. Despite the grey skies and muted colours, it was still beautiful, a world so different to the one she had known in London, one with so much potential.

There was so much to the world, much more than the smoke and clamour of London, she was discovering silence here, beauty and nature and while sometimes it was frightening or made her feel a little lost, she wanted to experience more… for a moment her mind flashed to an image of Lord Ren’s dark, penetrating eyes, and she shook her head to rid herself of the only thing that made her wish to be elsewhere.

Somewhere beyond the clouds the sun was setting - was it setting on her time here? Or was this merely just making tomorrow the first real day of a new beginning?

To her surprise, and what later may turn out to be regret, she realised she would be writing to ask Lady Solo for tenure. 

She was making Varykino and all it’s secrets her home.

A shiver rippled its way through her and she became aware that she had stayed looking out over the water for a greater time than was sensible.

Lifting up her skirts a little, she hurried back to the house, scolding herself internally all the way to the back door.

Even though the rain had been barely there, she was quite damp, while her clothes would dry easily while she was in the kitchen, her cap and hair were more of an issue, so she hurried towards the stairs to change her cap and apron, pulling out her hair from the neat buns she tied it in.

As she crossed the hall the the back stairs, she collided with an unexpected wall and upon looking up, she was mortified to find Lord Ren looking at her. His large hands briefly gripped her arms as if to steady her and when he let go, she immediately felt the loss of the surprising warmth he had managed to bestow in a matter of seconds.

“Please forgive me, Lord Ren,” she gasped quickly before he could shout at her, she bobbed a curtsey, cheeks flushed with embarrassment, “I wasn’t looking where I was going.” 

“So it would seem,” strangely he wasn’t raising his voice or snarling and she dared to look up at him.

He was staring at her, at where her damp hair had tumbled to her shoulders in soft curls and yet more blood rushed to her face as she realised the impropriety of her actions, that she had just assumed she wouldn’t meet anyone and be able to slip upstairs unnoticed. 

“Your hair is wet. Why?”

Nervously clasping her cap in her hands, she lowered her eyes, “I just needed some fresh air, Lord Ren. I will just change my cap and apron then return to my duties.” If he thought she was shirking her work, then he may tell Mr Hux and then he may tell Lady Solo. Now Rey had made up her mind to stay here, the idea of losing that opportunity made anxiety churn in her stomach.

There was a pause but she didn’t dare look up, determined not to ruin her chances further, even not reacting when she thought she heard him inhale deeply a few times.

Then he turned on his heel abruptly and stalked away from her without saying another word, posture rigid.

Another shiver shook her, it felt different from the first but she could not identify why. With a shrug for herself she quickly took the stairs, keen to warm up and get back to the kitchen - a cup of tea was in order.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you couldn’t read the text because of the stupid font, here it is again ♥
> 
> Alderaan House, Monday,  
27th March,  
Dear Miss Johnson,
> 
> I must apologise for the ungracious welcome it appears my son gave you on your arrival, and I commend you for not returning to London. A lesser woman would have.  
However, I wish to offer you the choice to return, as he continues to insist he does not need a maid.  
Of course Varykino, per contra, is my house and should you wish to stay and continue to work there, I will be very glad to continue your engagement.  
Mr Hux and I correspond occasionally and he has informed me of what a benefit having you at Varykino is, but I would not blame you in the slightest if you wished to return to London and I will happily find a suitable place for you with us here or with my brother.
> 
> I look forward to hearing from you and trust that you are in good health,  
Warmest regards,  
Lady Solo
> 
> **Authentic Victorian Queen Drop Biscuits Recipe**
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**
> 
> 3 Eggs  
225g Butter  
225g Sugar  
225g Currants  
350g Flour  
2 tsp Almond Extract
> 
> **METHOD**  
Preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius (350 Fahrenheit). Cream the butter and sugar together until pale and fluffy. Mix in the sifted flour and one egg at a time. Mix together well and then add your currants and almond extract. Using you hand or a tablespoon, drop equal quantities of the mixture onto a greased baking sheet. Don't put them too close together as the mixture will settle and expand outwards. Bake for about 10 minutes until they are firm to the touch. This recipe makes around 24 drop biscuits.


	4. Chapter 4

The nearest post office to Varykino was situated in a small hamlet named Dockray, over a mile away.

When Rey asked for directions, Poe offered to take her, kindly claiming he had to go anyway and that Lord Ren wouldn’t mind him taking the pony and trap.

It was a bright sunny early spring day but Rey was still glad that she wasn’t on her own, she was still nervous in an environment so strange compared to London and unable to forget the unexplained animal noises she heard nightly.

“When you have an afternoon free, I’ll have to show you Aira Force,” Poe offered as they drove up a steep, winding road, “Aira beck runs through Dockray, and becomes a fine waterfall farther downhill, but you can’t see it from the road as its in a ravine.”

To Rey, the idea of free time was a novel idea, whilst she had been with Mr Plutt the only time she wasn’t working was when she was asleep or in church. She had discovered, to her surprise and a little shock, no one in Varykino attended church on Sundays, or at all. The nearest church was in Matterdale, higher up on the hill or ‘ _ fell’  _ as they were called here, past Dockray.

When she had asked about it during dinner with Dopheld and Poe one night, they’d both frowned and shifted uncomfortably in their seats before Poe had explained that the vicar there, a Reverend Snoke, hated Varykino and its owners. So much so that he spread rumours about Lord Ren, Lady Solo and her late husband, but most of all, about Lord Skywalker whom he loathed above all else.

It seemed so very unlikely, but Rey knew they wouldn’t lie about such a thing, and the warnings told to her on her journey to Varykino had seemingly come to nothing.

To her shame, she found she didn’t miss church, the staid, lifeless atmosphere had never held much divinity in her eyes, the robed men who warned her of hell and damnation, had never felt believable, they were more interested in beating you down than lifting you up to god.

The only holy man she had ever liked was the priest who had found her in the workhouse, who had helped her out of it. But he had never lectured her on the state of her soul, he saved her himself, in the name of the Lord Jesus of course, but it had been him, not some divine being that changed her life and gave it meaning.

So Rey pushed down her shame and had used the extra time to get on with her tasks, until now anyway, did Poe mean that she could have that time to herself perhaps? She mentally shook her head and refocused her eyes to the world around her, green and budding with new life.

“I’ve never seen a waterfall,” she admitted as she soaked in the sunlight.

Poe gasped but she knew he was teasing as he replied, “That is truly sad, Rey, I shall have to take you there soon!”

While Dopheld made her feel very comfortable, Poe made her slightly nervous, but the idea of seeing a real waterfall meant she didn’t hesitate to agree to his offer, but then as she opened her mouth to accept, she suddenly realised how improper that would be. At that moment she couldn’t seem to think of a way to politely say so, so she didn’t reply immediately, which Poe didn’t appear to notice.

They parted ways in Dockray once Poe had shown her where the post office was, as he had to go off on some business of his own.

The post office was small and sold other things apart from stamps, eggs, milk and other sundries.

As Rey entered, a small bell tinkled and a woman stood up from where she had been petting a small brown dog with long silky looking ears.

“Good morning, miss,” she smiled with genuine warmth, “Welcome to Dockray post office.”

Smiling back, Rey walked to the counter and produced her letter to Lady Solo, “I’d like to post this, if I may and do you perhaps sell jam?”

The smaller woman nodded as she looked at the address, “You must be the new maid down at Varykino?”

Rey blinked, “Um, yes, I am.”

“I’m Rose Tico,” she smiled again, “We’ve already heard so much about you from Mr Dameron and Mr Hux.” She picked up the letter, “Stamp is 1d and you may leave it with me as there isn’t a proper post box. We don’t sell jam, but my sister Paige made some excellent strawberry conserve last year and we have some left over.”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t possibly deprive you-” Rey started but Rose waved her hand.

“Please, call it a welcome gift! It’s a pleasure to see a new face here, I’m sure you’re on business now, but Paige and I would love to have you for tea one afternoon.”

Rey stared for a moment in surprise. Rose was well dressed, not as befitting a lady, but she certainly wasn’t a maid or in another form of service, so what could she want with Rey?

Rose picked up a bell which sat on the counter and rang it, it was higher and sweeter than the one at the shop door and another woman came in through a door behind the counter, taller and more slender than Rose but still clearly her sister.

“This is Rey!” Rose beamed, “Would you find her a jar of your marvellous conserve? I am sure we have a few left.”

Paige tsked as she smiled indulgently at her sister, before looking at Rey, “It is so nice to meet you,  _ Miss Johnson _ ,” she put emphasis on the Miss Johnson and Rose blushed.

“Just Rey is honestly fine,” she answered, feeling a little bad for Rose, whose expression became sunny once more, “It is nice to meet you, too.”

“Well then, you must come for tea soon - Dockray is rather small and new company of our own age is always welcome.”

This gave Rey a simple solution to her predicament, “Would you perhaps care for a walk one day? Mr Dameron has told me about the waterfall and I would dearly love to see it.”

Rose clapped her hands, “We haven’t been to Aira Force this year! The daffodils are out so we should go soon.”

“Perhaps next Sunday afternoon?” Paige asked, looking at Rey, “If you can get away from the house?”

Blushing slightly as their obviously differing positions, Rey replied, “I cannot say for certain, but I will ask Mr hux.” 

Strictly speaking, she was employed by Lady Solo, but she couldn’t easily ask her and was happy to be guided by Mr Hux instead.

She left the post office with a smile, her letter on its way to Lady Solo and a jar of beautifully red conserve. Mr Plutt’s favourite sweet treat were Victoria Sandwiches - sponge cake with jam in the middle and Rey hoped that the other staff at Varykino would enjoy it as much as he had.

Paige had also given her some eggs, which apparently Poe had been meant to collect but had clearly forgotten. To her relief he didn’t look disappointed when she told him of the Tico sisters enthusiasm to join them at the waterfall and they spent a pleasant drive back to Varykino.

If anything, when she asked Mr Hux about her going out for leisure on Sunday afternoon, he looked a trifle amused, it was barely there, but his lips definitely curved a little, “You may, although I urge you to be back before eventide or earlier if a mist descends, they can be dangerous.”

“Thank you, sir. Mr Dameron will be with me, as will some ladies from Dockray.”

Mr Hux’s eyebrow rose, “So long as Mr Dameron has completed his tasks for the day.”

Rey bobbed her head in answer and they parted ways. If Poe was unable to join them, she was fairly certain the Tico sisters would be happy to go without him, they didn’t strike her as women who would be dissuaded from a walk merely because they didn’t have a man with them. 

Rey began tackling the dining room next. It was similar to the billiard room in that it wasn’t overly crowded with furniture, there was just the long wooden dining table with chairs and two side boards. The walls were painted red, decorated with paintings with gilded frames and there was an impressive looking crystal chandelier along with gilded wall lamps and a stately marble fireplace.

Once more it seemed as if the heavy curtains had not been opened in an age and it made Rey wonder if Mr Ren ever saw sunlight, though judging by his complexion, if he did it was seldom.

Keeping a careful eye on the mantle clock, which definitely needed polishing, Rey working around Lord Ren’s meals, managing to be gone before he arrived so she didn’t inconvenience him or have the displeasure of his company. 

It still made her want to kick herself when she thought about him seeing her damp and with her hair unbound like that, it was so very indecorous of her and he had clearly been furious. 

Part of her was surprised he hadn’t told Mr Hux to discipline her, but he hadn’t even mentioned the incident, much to her relief. Now she worked extra hard on avoiding Lord Ren, and so far it had worked very well indeed.

Until it came time for her to get the chandelier lowered so she could clean it. It was covered in dust and spider webs and so was considerably dimmer than it should be, but try as she might, she couldn’t get to it on her own.

Mr Hux, who was tall, was out on an errand, and she was fairly sure Poe would be too short,

while Dopheld came upstairs as little as he possibly could and Rey didn’t want to worry him. So she stood on a chair, balancing precariously as she attempted to reach as far as she could with her feather duster.

She was getting a fair bit done, glad that she had covered the table in a dust sheet to catch what the feathers didn’t collect, when a throat cleared behind her.

The sound was sudden and wholly unexpected as it was between mealtimes. She jerked in fright and fell, but rather than hitting anything, something caught her, something that felt like two strong arms…

Rey was utterly horrified to find herself in Lord Ren’s arms, she gasped despite herself, and he cleared his throat again as he set her on her feet.

_ What should she say? _ Before she could think of an apology he spoke first.

“That was a dangerous position, you are lucky I caught you,” his voice was oddly warm and gravelly.

Her cheeks reddened even further, partly due to anger now - if he hadn’t startled her, she would have been fine as she was!

Biting her tongue, she restrained herself and only replied, “Thank you, Lord Ren. Did you wish to use the dining room?”

The hands at his sides briefly fisted and she finally looked up, his eyes were dark, fixated on her, and she felt the strangest flipping sensation warm in her belly.

His jaw clenched slightly, “I will tell Hux to finish the chandelier,” his eyes roved over her face for a few more seconds as his nostrils flared, then with an inexplicably angry wrench, he whirled away from her and exited the dining room, door slamming shut behind him.

Rey abruptly sat down in the chair she had fallen from, uncaring that she was probably covering her skirts in dust. 

Although she hadn’t actually hurt herself, she felt slightly winded and confused - Lord Ren did not seem to follow any normal behaviours of the upper class, at least in her admittedly narrow experience, yet she was absolutely sure that anyone else would agree with her. 

Once her heart had slowed down and she regained her equanimity, she decided to finish the chandelier, Lord Ren was not her employer after all and Mr Hux had better things to attend to, plus, she had made a good start and wished to finish it herself.

To guard against any more surprises, she wedged the dining room door shut then continued cleaning.

The task was completed before Lord Ren’s dinner, and she quickly cleared up the mess and slipped away so the table could be laid.

On her way downstairs, she met Mr Hux, who frowned at the dust sheet in her hands, “Please leave the sheet upstairs, Rey, Lord Ren has asked that I finish cleaning the chandelier later.”

Bobbing an awkward curtsey, Rey kept her face smooth as she said, “It's all finished it, sir.”

Mr Hux’s frown deepened, “I know he is not your employer, Rey, but he is still your superior. From what he told me it was a matter of your safety that he asked me.”

It was a near thing, but Rey held her derisive snort inside her, “I understand that, sir, but I can assure you I was perfectly safe,” she bit her lip briefly but she wanted to explain herself, “It was because Lord Ren startled me that I almost fell.”

“Ah,” Mr Hux sighed, “Even so, in the future, please follow his orders.”

It irked her, but she knew she had to give way, “Yes sir.”

“Good girl,” he smiled slightly, “Go and have your supper then.”

That night, she wasn’t woken up by howling or other mysterious sounds, but by a dream so absurd it pulled her from slumber. 

The vividity of the dream didn’t fade either, she had been in a man’s arms, they had held her to a broad chest as he murmured nonsensically into her hair, lips occasionally pressing against her forehead or ears. It had been an achingly tender moment, the sensation of being so close to someone, so cared for, had left her quite breathless. After a while a hand had cupped her face to tilt it up and Rey had eagerly allowed it, hoping to experience her first kiss, only to recoil at the sight of  _ Lord Ren.  _

That was what had woken her, mortified and furious -  _ how dare he invade her dreams!  _ That dream in particular, it had been so wonderful to feel loved like that, and he had ruined it!

Even if he didn’t know it.  _ Damn him!  _

She immediately felt guilty and took her damn back, but the fact remained that if he hadn’t surprised her she  _ wouldn’t _ have fallen and  _ he _ wouldn’t have caught her  _ and _ she wouldn’t have had suffered the indignity of  _ that _ dream.

Rising from her bed, she splashed some cold water over her face, patted it dry and went to stand and look out of her window. It was still full dark, dawn perhaps two hours away, but she wouldn’t be going back to sleep now.

So she got dressed and went downstairs to clean the scullery, down there she wouldn’t disturb anyone save the spiders and there was no chance of meeting Lord Ren. 

  
  


  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments, writing is slow because I know jack about the Victorians (and a lot of other things) thank you also to Dalzo because this story was born from her prompt ♥
> 
> The river name Aira is derived from Old Norse _eyrr_, a gravel bank, and Old Norse _á_, a river, hence **The river at the gravel bank**, a reference to Aira Point, a gravelly spit where the river enters Ullswater. The Old Norse word _fors_, waterfall, has been adopted into several northern English dialects and is widely used for waterfalls, with the English spelling 'Force'. Thus, **The waterfall on gravel-bank river.**
> 
> After a walk along this part of Ullswater, Wordsworth wrote his most famous poem, ‘Daffodils’ (‘I wandered lonely as a cloud’) and Airey-Force Valley – a short lyric about the waterfall.


	5. Chapter 5

For the entirety of that day, Rey was jumpy, certain that she would suddenly encounter Lord Ren and he would somehow know what her sleeping mind had conjured up. It didn’t bear thinking about, and yet she couldn’t seem to _ stop _. It was galling, and she kept blushing every time her thoughts turned that way. 

While she finished the rest of the dining room, she once more wedged the door shut, her gaze constantly drifting to it, nervous that any moment Lord Ren would demand entrance.

Consequently she took twice as long about her tasks, which of course vexed her and it was like a continuous loop of irritation and humiliation which left her utterly bewildered.

“Rey, are you quite well?” Dopheld asked gently as she fiddled with her lunch, too distracted to be hungry.

Even his soft inquiry made her flinch a little and again she felt anger flare in answer. Taking a calming breath, she nodded, “Just a little out of sorts, Dopheld, nothing to be concerned over, but thank you.”

He nodded but she could see he didn’t believe her, with a small sigh, she stood, “I may just get a little fresh air, please excuse me.” She left before he could answer her, her lunch forgotten on the table.

The sunlight was weak, filtering through low grey clouds as Rey took the path she had the first time she’d ventured out. 

The wind was sharp but welcome, cooling her cheeks and soothing the irritation that had been simmering in her veins all day.

She was being ridiculous, these sorts of things must happen to people all the time and she’d never come across anyone who behaved so foolishly as herself.

Ullswater was mirror-like today, almost bewitching in the lure to stand and gaze upon its surface for eternity. It made her wonder what she would see if she did, and some pathetic little voice in the back of her mind suggested she would see Lord Ren. She clenched her jaw and resolved not to look too closely as her imagination was clearly intent on misbehaving. Another small part of her mind whispered that it was these sorts of wicked thoughts that meant she was missing church, that all it had taken was some dark eyes and warm arms to threaten her soul… shaking her head at herself, she walked a little farther away from the house. 

Later she would ask Dopheld about another church perhaps, she had no desire to go to the one that had slandered Lady Solo and her family, even Lord Ren, despite his strange behavior and rude manners, did not deserve the rumours that surrounded him.

Was that why he was so angry all the time? And the reason the idea of a stranger coming into his home had displeased him so greatly? Rey frowned as she thought, gazing into the distance without really seeing anything; it may be that those played into his conduct, but from Dopheld’s perpetually jumpy and nervous demeanor, Rey’s arrival had only exacerbated Lord Ren’s poor manners.

With a slight shiver, she remembered that she had work to do and standing outside staring fixedly at a lake, no matter how beautiful, would not help her in any way.

It had a least calmed the turmoil inside her though, which was a blessing and she returned to the house feeling much more herself. 

For now, she devoted herself to cleaning and organising below stairs, just to give her a little break from the worry of seeing Lord Ren, but also as it really did need doing. Men did their best, but there were some things they were blind to and in her experience even the most well meaning of them never did things thoroughly.

Dopheld seemed happy to have more company and she felt able to make some suggestions on food preparation and recipes. 

One of her best discoveries was that Varykino had a herb garden. It was a little overgrown and neglected but that meant she was able to cut bundles of herbs and hang them in the kitchen to dry. The scents of rosemary, thyme, mint and sage were comforting and would be useful for widening the depth of flavour in their meals, and she had high hopes for the rest of the herbs once Poe had tended to them and warmer weather arrived to give them a new lease of life. 

One afternoon, she was once again alone in the kitchen and decided that now would be a good time to make Victoria Sandwiches. The recipe didn’t take long to mix together and while they were baking she would still be able to work.

So far, she had finished the scullery, pantry and hall, there was just the laundry room and kitchen to go as she would be leaving Mr Hux’s small office alone.

Soon the rich buttery smell of sponge cake was filling the kitchen. Rey was on her knees, scrubbing the floor around the sinks when a throat cleared behind her and she looked up to see Mr Hux.

“Are you perchance baking more of your biscuits?” he asked hopefully.

“Not biscuits, but cake, sir. Shall I bring you a piece when it has cooled?”

Mr Hux’s smile was subtle, she had learned, but it was genuine, just the faintest curve to his lips but you could tell as his eyes warmed. Despite him being rather formal, she liked him, and he was a fair man to work under.

“You spoil us, Rey. That would be delightful.”

A flush of pleasure made her cheeks pink and she ducked her head in answer, unsure how to reply. 

It had been the right decision, to stay at Varykino.

“This,” announced Poe happily, not seeming to care that his mouth was full, “May be the most wonderful thing I have ever eaten.”

Rey blushed and shrugged, “Miss Tico’s conserve greatly improved it,” she said quite honestly, she had only used it sparingly so there would be enough for another cake, perhaps two more if she were careful.

Dopheld opened his eyes, which had closed as he savoured his first bite, “It’ is perfection, Rey, perfection.”

“Where is Hux? He was supposed to…”

Rey froze where she sat, the hair on the back of her neck prickling as she watched Poe and Dopheld’s faces pale.

“What are you all eating?” Lord Ren’s tone changed from brusque and irritated to distractedly curious.

Poe swallowed thickly and he stood, Rey followed suit though didn’t turn around and Dophled almost knocked his chair over as he did the same.

“We were just having a cup of tea,” Poe offered nervously, brushing crumbs from his trousers “I think Mr Hux is in his office, if you’d like to return upstairs I will go and fetch him for you, my Lord.”

Rey could feel colour travelling up her chest and neck, soaking into her face and finally her ears. _ It was his voice. _ She had to refrain from childishly shoving her fingers in her ears as she tried to think of anything but her dream. It was ridiculous that just his voice could disturb her composure so thoroughly. _ It’s only because you weren’t expecting him, _ she thought, but when did she ever expect him? The man seemed to have a habit of appearing from nowhere - despite his size he was somehow able to stalk as stealthily as a cat. It was unnerving. 

“I’ll be in the library.” 

His voice had gone lower and she could almost feel it inside her, though how that was possible she didn’t know.

When Dopheld sagged back into his seat, she knew Lord Ren must have left and followed copied him while Poe left to alert Mr Hux.

“He never comes down here,” Dopheld muttered before downing the remaining tea in his cup and shakily pouring himself another, “_ Never _.”

After a sip from her own cup to wet her dry lips, she answered, “Well, he did today. I hope it doesn’t set a precedent.”

“I reckon he smelled the cake,” Poe said as he returned to the kitchen, ignoring Rey and Dopheld as they both jumped and glared at him, “I could smell it in the hall so _ he _ must be able to…” he trailed off and suddenly looked uncomfortable, though Rey couldn't for the life of her understand why. 

They had all returned to work when Mr Hux came back downstairs and rather apologetically requested a piece of cake to take up with Lord Ren’s tea.

Although the conserve had been a gift to Rey personally, the other ingredients were from the kitchen and pantry so she couldn't very well refuse, she did however cut him a small slice. 

Rather sadly, the trip to Aira Force had to be cancelled due to heavy rain, April had arrived in full force and it would be beyond foolish to venture out unless strictly necessary. Despite that, Poe was dispatched to the butcher anyway, it appeared nothing stood in the way of Lord Ren having meat for his dinner.

When she wondered aloud if it were normal for the rich to eat so much red meat, Dopheld had shrugged nervously and suggested Lord Ren needed to keep his strength up, before looking guilty and hurrying away.

His strength up for what? He was already a large man, was that because of his rich diet or why he needed it? Rey wondered why a member of the upper class needed to be so strongly built when they didn’t need to be, it was curious and strange, but then so was Lord Ren.

Once below stairs was up to her standards, Rey reluctantly returned upstairs. By now, the memories of _ that _ dream had become less of a distraction, but had not disappeared completely.

At least now she would not be in his way, for now it was time for her to tackle the rooms that had been closed up, the drawing room, morning room and parlour. Admittedly these rooms were unlikely to be used as Lord Ren didn’t seem to have visitors, but a good clean would not hurt anything and Rey wanted them to be ready just in case Lady Solo or Lord Skywalker decided to come and stay. 

Soon she would need to put on a brave face and tend to the foyer and entrance hall, but for now she left them as they were as they weren’t in a truly bad condition.

While part of her missed Dopheld’s company, she enjoyed the alone time, humming to herself as she turned the silent, dust shrouded, tomb-like rooms into spaces to live in again.

The drawing room came first and took much longer than previous rooms. It was a large space and had a lot more furniture, ornaments and paintings, than the rooms currently used by Lord Ren. 

Each time Rey removed a dust sheet she discovered something new and beautiful, but the best thing, the thing that made her gasp in awe, was an intricately decorated pianoforte. It was stained almost black and inlaid with satinwood, ebony, tortoiseshell and mother of pearl in flowing, sinuous foliage and flowers and she knew after a good polish that it would be even more beautiful. It was almost a crime that it had been covered over and just forgotten.

Of course she knew little about pianos, but anyone would be able to judge it a masterpiece just by looking at it. Although she knew Lord Ren disapproved of her employment and didn’t want her here, she hoped Mr Hux would be allowed to have someone come and tune it, even if it wouldn’t be played.

The drawing room was in a pleasing palette of soft blues, cream and gold and once she had drawn the curtains she found that it afforded the best view of Ullswater than the other rooms downstairs.

It was two weeks before she felt that it was presentable. She had had help from Mr Hux with cleaning the chandeliers and Poe and Dopheld had assisted with the beating of the rugs and curtains. Now, in her humble opinion, it looked fit for a queen, or at least fit for Lady Solo.

As she was gathering her things to leave, she turned and found Lord Ren in the centre of the room as his eyes took everything in.

His expression was strangely blank, as if he were far away lost in memory. She couldn’t tell if he knew she was there, so as silently as she could, she tiptoed around the room towards the door.

“You have worked hard.”

He wasn’t lost then or she hadn’t been as quiet as she had hoped but his voice was soft and distant.

Bobbing a curtsey, she murmured, “Thank you, Lord Ren.”

Rey paused for a moment, but he said no more and she quickly made her exit. Something about it unsettled her, the quiet tone of his deep voice and his habitual expression of anger changed to stillness, almost melancholic.

While she didn’t know his history, if he were unhappy, he had the means to change. How wealthy and landed gentry could be unhappy greatly perplexed her - they wanted for nothing, had never endured any hardship apart from the war and even then they were seldom on the front lines.

Just one sombre expression would not be enough to make her pity Lord Ren, he had cut himself off from his family and the world, if he were lonely it was by choice.

Finally the weather became drier and she and Poe were able to spend the afternoon with the Tico sisters. Rey felt a little guilty about leaving Dopheld behind, but with so few staff at Varykino it wasn’t possible for them all to have time off together.

She promised herself to make sure her next outing would be with him, though she was fairly sure Rose’s vivacity would overwhelm him.

For the first time in a long while, Rey was nervous about her attire. She had never had cause to wear anything other than uniform or the one dress she kept for church; that one was too formal for an outing such as this but the dress she had arrived at Varykino in, while clean and neatly mended, was obviously old. 

It seemed unlikely that Rose and Paige would be concerned by Rey’s dress if they were happy to be in her company, but it didn’t help her feel less nervous.

If they noticed that it was a little too short or tight or that a rip had been patched with a slightly different coloured material, they kindly didn’t draw attention to it and were as welcoming as they had been when they first met.

As the April skies had veritably drenched the land, the beck that fed the waterfall was vastly swollen and consequently the waterfall itself had been magnified, roaring like thunder as it rushed down the rocky ravine and crested over the rock edge to plummet down a sixty-six drop.

It was an awe-inspiring sight, one that made Rey feel slightly nervous as she gazed in wonder from the stone bridge that had been built over it’s crest. She had never considered herself to be afraid of heights, yet here, while the view was exciting, it was dizzying too, and all that water, if one were to fall, even if they could swim, which she could not, she couldn’t imagine any way they would survive such raw power.

When they had followed the steep path down the ravine to the base, the sound was indescribable, the very air was moist, as if the violence of the fall had made some of the water lose gravity, defying the natural order of things.

When she was sure none of her companions were looking, she briefly stuck out her tongue, tasting the air like a child, it cold and tasted a little sweet, but she didn’t know if that was merely her imagination. 

“It is not always this loud!” Rose almost yelled, battling with the rushing water to be heard.

Rey smiled and shrugged for reply, it was a truly novel experience, feeling the sounds as well as hearing them, tasting nature as well as seeing it. It made her feel connected, somehow, and she thought that returning to live in London after being here would be like a death sentence. In London she hadn’t really been alive, the smog filled, colourless drudgery of life in the capital held no appeal now, it did not speak to her of home anymore. 

Mercifully it stayed dry on their walk back up to Dockray, Paige and Poe were chatting amicably arm in arm as they walked and Rose had slipped hers through Rey’s. It surprised her, the sudden familiarity, but it wasn’t displeasing. 

“I am so glad that Lord Ren hasn’t scared you away from Varykino,” Rose said casually as they walked, “He is such a stern, arrogant man.”

It made Rey a little uncomfortable, to talk about Lord Ren like this, out in the open and with someone who wasn’t employed by him. “The other staff are very amiable,” she replied in an effort to be diplomatic.

Rose chuckled, “Poe certainly is, we seldom see Mr. Mitaka, and Mr Hux is quite nice but a little stiff in his manner.”  
“I think Mr Mitaka is rather shy,” Rey confided, “So he often gets left behind and stays in the house. He is very sweet when you get to know him.”

With a sly look, Rose raised an eyebrow, “Are you by any chance sweet on him?”

Rey gaped at her new friend in shook as her cheeks pinked, then firmly shook her head, “No, no, he is just a good friend. I do not have time or the inclination for romance.”

“Not even for Poe? He speaks of you every time we see him now,” Rose pressed.

With a small frown, Rey shook her head again, “I do not think he sees me that way, he just likes sweet treats and someone else lightening the burden of work.”

“Hmm,” Rose hummed a considering noise, then her expression turned conspiratorial, “I think Mr Hux cares for my sister, he lingers when he is served by her at the shop and if he sees her outside it he always waves or stops to ask how she is.”

Knowing very little of courtship, Rey simply made a polite sound. Talking, _ gossiping _, about Mr Hux, who was a very respectable man and her superior felt rather wrong.

“What is Lord Ren like?” Rose asked, not seeming to have noted Rey’s reticence.

“I see him very little,” Rey answered honestly, “And I have little comparison to tell if all of the peerage are of similar disposition or not… Lady Solo and Lord Skywalker were very kind people and I am deeply grateful to them.”

Rose nodded, “It’s been a long time since either of them stayed here, but they are remembered with fondness,” her eyes narrowed, “Well, by those with good sense and decency, anyway.”

They left the matter there, going on to more cheerful subjects and Rey relaxed a little.

By the time she and Poe arrived home, Rey was shivering, her clothes and hair damp from the mist of the waterfall and her blood chilled by the wind and lack of real sunshine.

Dopheld insisted she sat by the fire with a cup of tea. It made her smile, he really was sweet and she again made a mental note to bring him on an outing, even if it were just the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry chapter count changed, this won't be huge but it's taking me longer to get through things that I anticipated. Hope people are still enjoying it ♥


	6. Chapter 6

When it came to the next period they were required to retire early, just one month after the last time, Rey felt even more uneasy about it rather than less so. 

Once more, the atmosphere was charged and tense, although Mr Hux remained his usual unflappable self, Dopheld and even Poe were clearly on edge and Lord Ren himself slammed doors with such vigor it was a wonder they did not disintegrate. 

Poe handled it by staying outside all day, even taking his lunch out with him, but Dopheld, despite not having to go above stairs, was almost a nervous wreck. Yet any time Rey tried to enquire about his disposition, he would laugh nervously and tell her he was perfectly well.

It was all so very strange, and despite knowing it was absolutely none of her business, Rey’s curiosity kept raising it’s head and whispering that she deserved to know - she was living there after all. 

At least all this excitement pushed her wretched dream to the back of her head.

Rather than tackle the foyer and entrance hall, Rey opted to start on the morning room, where she wouldn’t encounter Lord Ren while he was so out of sorts.

As with all good morning rooms, this one faced east, catching and holding the sun until late morning and not losing it till past noon. 

Of course, this was another room that would only be used if Lady Solo came to stay for an extended period of time, or if Lord Ren were to marry. 

Oddly, the thought of Lord Ren marrying, made her feel uncomfortable; which was patently absurd because it was highly feasible, (_ if _he found a lady willing to put up with his temper) that his disposition may become more amiable, and yet... 

With a little shake, Rey resolutely pushed Lord Ren and his possible future wife out of her head and got to work, determined to wear herself out as much as possible before she was required to retire to her room.

The morning room was light and airy, (once she had drawn aside the ubiquitous heavy drapes), its walls papered in a pale yellow with a subtle floral pattern that became more pronounced in the warm sunlight. 

It wasn’t a huge room, there was a carved, golden walnut bureau, a matching curule chair with a seat and back of soft green velvet adorned with golden tassels. Two small settees were arranged with two ladies armchairs carved with scroll work and upholstered in a green and gold chenille. The table was walnut too, decorated with floral marquetry, and once she had taken time to clean and then polish it till her arms burned, it shone beautifully. 

Although she didn’t get spare time in the morning, as there was always something, or rather twenty somethings that required her attention, Rey thought she would like to do her mending in the morning room. The window was large and afforded a view of the surrounding trees and while Ullswater was breath-takingly lovely, there was a lot to be said for gazing off into, what seemed to her, endless trees. 

Sometimes she wondered how she had ever endured London when there was such green beauty in the world.

By the time it came for her to retire to her room, her muscles ached and even her eyelids felt heavy. 

She settled down with a lavender pillow to help calm her further and slipped quickly into a deep sleep.

It wasn’t a sound that woke her, just a feeling that she wasn’t alone. She had a healthy respect for that feeling, she had cultivated it in the workhouse when she was small and an easy target.

The only sound to greet her was that of her bed clothes rustling as she sat up. Her room was dark save for the dull glow of the banked fire and the silver outline of the drapes where the moonlight was trying to creep in around the dark edges.

Upon opening the curtains, she was greeted by a full moon, bright and incandescent in a starry sky, it’s mirror floating in the black water of the lake.

All was still and silent though, nothing that should have pulled her from so deep a sleep, if it wasn’t something out there, could it be something inside? With her?

A shiver of apprehension prickled over her skin as she stared at her door - on one hand, she had been forbidden to leave her room for the next three nights, but on the other, what if there were thieves? Or an escaped convict looking for a place to lie low whilst on the lam? 

Her fingers were on the door handle when her common sense took over, there were three men in the house and one in the room above the stables, if she heard something surely they would have too, and if they had they were far better qualified than her to confront an intruder... and she had agreed to follow Lord Ren’s rules, if it came to nothing and he found out she had left her room when expressly told not to, then he would dismiss her and Lady Solo may not be so well-disposed to employing her after finding out she could not follow rules, however strange they may be.

With a sigh, Rey returned to her bed, now vexatiously wide awake. Turning up her lamp she whiled away the time with some mending, eventually her eyelids drooped again and she went back to sleep, surrounded by silence and her nose filled with the soothing scent of lavender. 

The next morning, no one mentioned any strange goings on during the night and nothing appeared to be missing, so Rey concluded the feeling had been mistaken.

As with the first time, Lord Ren did not come downstairs till after Mr Hux took his lunch up to his room.

Rey began to wonder if Lord Ren was suffering from some sort of malady, something that fluctuated and meant he had to take rest periods. It would explain his insistence on eating so much meat and why he got so irritable.

But perhaps he was merely a member of the upper class behaving strangely and she should stop wondering about it and get on with her tasks.

The morning room fireplace had a ceramic tile surround, in a hand painted design of two swans amidst golden bull rushes on a green background. She spent the morning lovingly restoring them to their former glory.

Sometimes, she felt a little like an explorer that had discovered an ancient palace, going through and finding treasure everywhere, becoming acquainted with the people who had lived here, even though they were now gone. Sometimes it made her a little melancholy. 

The bureau, when she opened it, was somehow full of spiders, alive and dead, and the inkwells had spilled and just been left to dry up and were a nightmare to clean. 

She also found a miniature of a handsome gentleman with similar features to Lord Ren, but not his dark looks or alabaster skin, his father perhaps, the late Lord Solo. 

After she had gently cleaned the dust off, she found that he had a kind face with a slightly roguish gleam in his eye. How had his son turned out so differently? Not that she could really judge from just a small painting, though.

Why did her thoughts keep returning to him? Of course, he lived here, so it was natural to consider him to some extent, but this level of distractedness was uncommon for her. Could it be that that silly dream was still lurking in her subconscious?

If her thoughts were so easily led astray, then she concluded she couldn’t have been working hard enough. So for the rest of that day she recited psalms in her head as she applied herself with a single-mindedness that shut out any other thoughts.

“Rey?”

Poe’s hand on her shoulder made her jump and let out a small squeak of surprise before blushing.

Giving her an amused, lopsided smile, Poe said, “Sorry to startle you, but it’s time for dinner and Dopheld was starting to worry about you.”

A glance at the clock on the mantelpiece told her he was right, “Oh! Please forgive me, and do begin without me, I just need to tidy up and wash my hands and I will be right down.”

Poe glanced at the clock himself then frowned, “Normally, I would say we’d wait, but we don’t have much time left. I’ll have Dopheld make up a plate for you to take to your room, just in case you don’t have time to eat downstairs.”

“Thank you,” Rey smiled at him, but it became a grimace, “I better work quickly.”

Once she had finished for the day, she slipped out quietly, as she made quickly for the stairs, voices caught her ear and she paused for a moment.

“If anything, it is getting worse, not better.”

The deep rumble was unmistakably Lord Ren.

“Once you are used to the new scent, I am sure things will become easier again, Kylo.”

And that was Mr Hux, using Lord Ren’s first name! Rey braced herself for a bellow of rage but none came.

“I think it’s hunger is only going to increase, Hux, I don’t know if I can…” his words trailed off, sounding pained and Rey realised with no little horror that she was eavesdropping.

With burning cheeks, she hastened downstairs, scolding herself all the way. 

But that night in bed, she couldn’t help replaying the words in her head, trying to understand what they could mean.

_ Scent? _ Why would a smell be upsetting Lord Ren? So much so that it was affecting his countenance? And the way he spoke of hunger, made it sound like so much more than wanting food and what did he mean by _ it’s _ hunger? What was _ it _ ? And why was _ it _ hungry?

It was all so peculiar, these mysteries that shrouded Varykino and its occupants, and try as she might, it was proving hard to explain it away and even harder to ignore.

A howl woke her in the dead of night, long and mournful and rather than feeling afraid this time, the sound made her sad, it’s plaintive tone embodied loneliness and misery so keenly that she could feel nothing else. Whatever the animal was that produced such a sound could only be pitied in that moment.

Her dreams, after the sound faded, were dark, memories of the workhouse resurfacing, only in her dreams, she had never escaped and was there still, soulless and alone. 

When morning came, Rey felt almost as miserable as the animal had sounded… she tried to tell herself she was being nothing but a silly goose, that she had no right to be so gloomy, but it didn’t particularly help.

At breakfast, as she absently stirred her porridge around her bowl rather than eating it, Dopheld asked if she was well.

It felt as though they often enquired this of each other, and that neither of them were completely honest. 

Mustering a small smile, Rey shook her head, “I was plagued by unpleasant dreams, I feel as though I hardly slept.”

“Ah,” he answered with concern and a slight blush, “I used to have that problem, there is a woman who makes me a special blend of herbal tea, which I take if I have bad nights.” he leaned in, eyes a trifle nervous, though that wasn’t so unusual for him. “Some people say that she is a witch, but that cannot be true, because,” here he all but whispered, “She was a friend to Lord Solo, and he was not a man for such flights of fancy.”

A lord who was known to be friends with a commoner? Then again, Rey remembered the overheard conversation of last night, Hux had called Lord Ren by his first name and there had been no dressing down.

“Do you know what the tea is made with?” she asked curiously, wondering if she could make it herself rather than waiting for a chance to go and visit this woman.

Dopheld shook his head, “I am afraid I do not, and I do not have any left at the moment, but Miss Kanata lives in the woods around Collierhagg Beck, which is perhaps a little over a mile away, we could walk there on Sunday, if you wish? Or if you prefer, I can go and ask her for something for you, too?”

Rey smiled, “A walk would be lovely, I haven’t been that way since I came here, and that was in the fog, I would love to see how it all looks in the sunshine.”

Dopheld emitted a dry little chuckle, “Do not assume there will not be fog then, the weather here is fickle, as you must have seen.”

It was true. Rey had observed rain and sun and fog all in the span of a day in Ullswater, a combination of the water and the colder air that drifted down from the fells. It certainly made life interesting, though sometimes it was rather irksome if she had carpets to beat. Still, she wouldn’t change where she was for all the tea in china.

The talk with Dopheld helped lift her mood somewhat and the sun shining through the morning rooms windows had her smiling as she allowed herself a moment to gaze out of the clean windows at the trees and huge sky.

There was no chandelier in the morning room, instead there was a set of argand lamps, made with etched glass and crystal, settled on gilded bases. These required a lot of elbow grease, as the dust had been left to stick to the oil residue and had also become a dying ground for flies and small spiders. It was dirty, sticky work, but bathed in the sunshine like she was, it was difficult not hum to herself as she went, and once she was finished, her soiled nails and tacky hands were worth the effort.

The lamps shone, even when unlit, the gilded bases glowed and the sunlight caught in the clear crystals, causing spots of light to magically dance around the room.

Before she could continue any more with her work, it was necessary to go downstairs so she could thoroughly wash her hands.

As she walked along the passage to the kitchen, she heard lowered voices and paused, it was just Poe and Dopheld, but something about the tone made her feel as if she wasn’t meant to hear. 

“Did you hear him last night? I think it’s getting worse, I think-” 

Rey purposely scuffed her foot, part of her very much wanted to stay hidden and listen, but eavesdropping was a sin, and rude to boot.

“Rey!” Poe exclaimed, overly cheerfully, “You look…” he paused as he took her in, then shot her a teasing smirk, “Like you need a wash.”

Rey huffed indignantly, but it was mostly in jest, “And you look like you should be doing something useful! If you do not have anything better to do, the carpets in the morning room are ready to be beaten and the sun is shining, so this is fortuitous timing.”

With a groan, Poe dramatically threw his hands up in the air, as if she were asking for the moon or something else equally impossible, “Very well, I shall beat your carpets, _ but _, in return, please would you make us some more biscuits or cake?” 

Rey pretended to consider for a moment, then nodded, “When time and ingredients allow, of course.” 

Poe cheered and Dopheld smiled.

It took her awhile to completely rid her hands of dirt and grease, then briskly shake her skirts and put on a clean apron before she was presentable enough to go back upstairs and complete her tasks in the morning room.

All that really remained was sweeping the floors and laying a fire so it would be ready as soon as the room was required. 

Despite pride being a sin, Rey couldn’t deny she felt the glow of it every time she finished making a room at Varykino habitable again. It was such a beautiful house, filled with such treasures, and once again she felt that she had made the right choice, in staying and making it her home. 

That night, the last of the three where she had to be abed early, she wondered if the creature that had howled the night before would come again. Somehow, the idea no longer frightened her as much as it would have a week ago. The idea of intruders inside the house was much more disturbing than an unidentified animal outside, when she was not.

As she lay in her bed, body tired but mind still lively, she thought about the Penny Dreadfuls she had read that featured men turning into wolves or bears, and rather the scary, in retrospect she found them rather sad, and this wolf, (_ if _ it was a wolf, her imagination really was running away with itself), sounded as if it was all alone, when she was sure they were meant to live in packs. An outcast maybe? Or perhaps it was injured? Although she didn’t often interact with animals in her daily life, she did pet every dog she could and there had been several cats who visited Mr. Plutt’s backyard. Sometimes Rey would slip them kitchen scraps when Teedo wasn’t around.

_ This time, her dreams were strange and unfamiliar. She was running through a dense forest, her feet whisper-quiet as the moss covered ground and dark trees seemed to absorb the sound of her movement. Sometimes she was being chased, howls and snarls would sound behind her, the snapping of teeth at her ankles, but she could never turn her head to look back, at other times, the dream would shift, and now she would be the hunter rather than the prey. Her quarry was a huge black wolf, with golden eyes that glowed every time she got close to him. When she was chasing, (which was a peculiarity in and of itself, because who in their right mind chases after a wolf?) her heart desperately wished to catch him, it was as if he were very dear to her, and the fact that he ran from her, hurt. _

_ It was when she was the prey, that the dream finally changed its format, quite suddenly, her body froze, forced to stillness and out of her control. As the wolf circled around to face her finally, she realised just how massive he was, huge and muscled with a thick coat that looked silky and soft despite being an outdoor animal. As his eyes stared straight into hers, she felt her heartbeat stop - there was intelligent understanding in their golden depths, a connection… _

...That was broken as a howl sounded outside and she woke with a start. She half expected to see the wolf from her dreams out below her window, but when she looked, there was nothing there and the night stayed quiet after that. As she drifted back to sleep she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the ridiculously long gap between posting, and it appears I was very wrong, it is going to be longer. However, most of it is now written and I will be updating regularly! Sorry for not giving you the recipe from the last chapter, so here it is now. ♥ 
> 
> **Authentic Victorian Victoria Sandwiches Recipe**
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**  
675g Sugar  
6 Eggs  
450g Flour  
2 tsp Orange Flower Water  
1 tsb Baking Powder  
90g Almonds
> 
> **METHOD**
> 
> Preheat your oven to 180 degrees. First, whisk your eggs until they are frothy. Add the sugar and mix together gently. Now sift in the flour. Next add your almonds. Add the baking powder and orange flower water and mix well. Line your baking tin with butter and the dust it with sugar. Pour in your mix and bake in the oven for around 25 minutes until the sponge is pale and golden. Once cooled, cut the cake into manageable pieces and spread with jam to serve.


	7. Chapter 7

Lord Ren stayed in his room the whole of the next day, with Mr Hux taking up his food. Consequently, it was a nice quiet day and everyone was rather relaxed compared to the previous few days.

Rather than starting on the last closed up room, Rey took advantage of Lord Ren’s absence and set to work on the foyer and entrance hall.

Despite how dark the hall was, with its single window and wallpaper in a subtle contrast of a grey black and slate blue, Rey discovered an Aspidistra on a stand in one corner, still green and growing, undeterred by its obvious neglect. The popular nickname for Aspidistras, was the ‘cast iron plant’, it appeared that it was well deserved. After carefully wiping down it’s large, dusty leaves and giving it a good watering, she moved it to the foyer so it would get more light, the only window being above the front doors. 

The glass had stained panels, decorated with floral designs and featured the crest that had been on Lady Solo’s letter. 

The front doors were solid oak below the window, sturdy and heavy, whereas the doors to the entrance hall had large glass panels in them, of the same design as the one above the front doors.

The doormat had seen better days and Rey was uncertain if it was salvageable. There was an elegant wooden bench, furnished with a padded velvet cushion that needed re-stuffing, an intricate cast iron stand for walking sticks and umbrellas, and a rather fine looking grandfather clock.

The clock had stopped working. 

It was as if Varykino itself had paused, waiting for life to restart, to truly be inhabited again. Such a beautiful home deserved light and laughter and joy, to be lived in and appreciated. It’s existence at the moment seemed like such a hollow waste, in spite of how much Rey loved living there. 

While she was by no means an expert on grandfather clocks, (in fact she had only seen them at a distance and even then, infrequently), this one seemed especially grand.

It was black, with a golden face and _ ‘Tempus Fugit’ _ in a flowing script around the top of the clock face. The priest who had been her teacher had tutored her a few latin phrases, enough for her to appreciate the irony of that phrase on a stopped and silent clock, and indeed in Varykino itself.

The black wood of the body was chinoiserie in style, its decoration of pastoral scenes on the front panel of the body and the square bottom were done in gilt, as were the swirls and motifs that framed the more intricate designs. 

Due to the delicate nature of the gilt and gold leaf used, it took a long time to painstakingly clean and by the end, her back and joints were stiff and aching.

Back in London, after going to work for Mr Plutt, Rey had discovered the joys of a hot bath. Once a week she would take herself off to the public baths and luxuriate in thoroughly cleansing herself.

Since coming to Varykino, that was one of the few things she missed about London. Her ablutions here consisted of washing herself in warm water using a basin and jug and while she made do, it was a far cry from being immersed in water.

Over dinner that night, Rey enquired about a bathtub.

Poe had set a tin tub for her by the fire before retiring. Rey passed a couple of hours sewing by the fire, before she felt safe enough to heat some water and fill the tub. There was a modesty screen to put up, which hid the tub and anyone in it from view of most of the kitchen, but she still felt rather exposed all the same.

Although the water was warm at best rather than hot, and that she was feeling rather jumpy, it still felt very wonderful. The scent of her soap, while not pretty, was a scent she associated with being clean and as such, was comforting.

When she was as clean as was possible, she felt several pounds lighter and was very glad there was no one around to see the colour of the water when she got out.

By this time she was more than ready for her bed, but she went about emptying the water, then sat by the fire to comb out her wet hair and dry it as much as she could.

She had always found brushing her hair to have a rather soporific effect and that paired with the fire and her busy day made her less aware than she should be.

The sharp sound of a sudden intake of air, had her jumping near out of her skin, and when she turned to see whom it was, her heart sank right into her feet and her cheeks did their best to spontaneously combust.

Lord Ren stood in the entrance to the kitchen, seemingly frozen in disbelief at the sight of her, his dark hair mussed and his elegant brocade dressing gown rumpled. 

Rey tugged her woolen shawl tighter over her nightdress, mortification and horror leaving her dizzy.

“Lord Ren,” her voice was higher than usual but she thought under the circumstances that at least it wasn’t a mere squeak, “Is there something I can get you?”

It could be the dim light of the fire, but Rey thought his cheeks had a little colour to them, his eyes, after a brief stare at her, had dropped down to his velvet slippers as one hand clenched at his side, while his other had a white knuckled grip on a water jug.

“I merely came down for some water,” he licked his lips and Rey wondered why a man would be born with such a full, pouting mouth.

There was an uncomfortable pause, where both of them seemed to be at a loss for what happened next, then with a curt nod of his head in her general direction, Lord Ren strode over to the sink, filled the jug, then spun on his heel and briskly made his exit.

After a moment of silence, Rey let out a shaky, relieved breath and sagged back into her chair. Thank goodness he hadn’t happened upon her whilst she was still in her bath, as she was fairly certain she would have simply died of shame.

She didn’t think her nerves could survive encountering anyone else, and she decided that it was time for bed, damp hair be deuced. 

Yet when she was safely in bed, reality started to set in - he would dismiss her for this, she was sure. It wasn’t necessarily her fault, but as she turned the memory over, she became convinced that he was outraged, the way his hands had clenched, the curtness of his answer, the furious line of his body as he walked.

A dampness of her cheeks made her realise she was weeping silently and she angrily wiped them. Maybe this wouldn’t be the end, even if she were dismissed, perhaps she could find employment locally, so she would not have to return to london. Lady Solo was a wonderful person, but if working for her meant Rey must return to the city, she found that she would rather try her luck here. The Lake District, Ullswater, was her spiritual home.

With that resolution made, Rey felt a little more at peace, if she was dismissed tomorrow, she would survive. 

Breakfast had come and gone and she had yet to be dismissed. Mr Hux had not mentioned anything at all about the incident last night, but that was perhaps due to the fact that Lord Ren was still abed.

As she may soon be leaving, Rey raided the pantry where she had spied an ancient looking tin of treacle and some ginger that begged her to be used.

The day was overcast and chilly, and she had always found Gingerbread Cake to be rather comforting on days like these. Mr Plutt had often asked for it in the winter, especially if he were under the weather and it was, in her opinion, very pleasing with a hot cup of tea.

Soon the kitchen was filled with the warm, scent of butter and ginger. Despite the Sword of Damocles hanging over her, the smell made her smile to herself, soothing her nerves a little.

She cleaned the kitchen whilst she waited for the cake to bake, then put it in the pantry to cool as she didn’t trust Poe not to steal a piece before tea, indeed, Dopheld had been distracted the entire time it cooked, until she had sent him away to do laundry.

Owing to the fact that she had grown to love Varykino, Rey decided to go about her cleaning duties as normal. She hoped that now Lord Ren had seen how much he needed a maid (or two) that he would find another to replace her, rather than letting all her work go to waste. Determined not to let that idea deject her, she made use of some ladder steps she had found folded away in an under stairs cupboard and used them to clean the stained glass in the hall and foyer. Even with the added height, she had to stretch herself, perhaps a trifle recklessly, on her toes to reach the top. 

It was well worth it though, the space became so much brighter and welcoming, even with how grey the sky outside was. Of course, in the time she had lived there, no one other than Lord Ren had used the front door, but it was the principle of the thing. The added bonus was that, for a while anyway, he may be reminded of her every time he used it.

No one caught her on the ladder, for which she was grateful as she wasn’t scolded for taking risks. 

She had become rather cold whilst cleaning the glass outside the front door, so she paused her work for a cup of tea. 

Mr Hux and Dopheld were in the kitchen when she entered, already sipping tea with enough in the pot for her and Poe, whenever he came in.

“Ah, Rey,” Mr Hux started and Rey suddenly felt the colour leave her face. This was it, this was where her adventure ended. At least she had a cup of tea.

“Yes, Mr Hux?” she asked as calmly as she could as she almost fell into a chair.

“Dopheld tells me you have baked us another treat?” he paused, eyes narrowing a little, “Are you well? You’ve gone quite pale.”

Rey blinked at him for a moment, thoroughly discombobulated, “I, ah, yes… just a momentary dizzy spell. I made Gingerbread cake earlier, it is cooling in the pantry.” 

Dopheld looked concerned as he brought her a cup of tea, “Are you sure you are well?”

With a smile, Rey shook her head, “Nothing a good cup of tea won’t mend, thank you.”

“In that case, I wonder if I could cut some of the cake for Lord Ren? He is still… indisposed today and I think it may improve his spirits.”

Indisposed? He hadn’t looked so last night, though in hindsight he had been very pale, his eyes dark and shadowed, worn.

“Of course.” 

Rey made to stand but Mr Hux held out his hand, “Please, sit for a moment, I can fetch the cake.”

Acquiescing, Rey settled herself back in her chair gratefully and sipped her tea as she wondered what on earth was going on.

As if by magic, Poe appeared at the same time as Mr Hux rejoined them with the cake.

“Oh! Excellent, I'm starving and lunch seems awfully far away!”

While Rey had planned to save the cake for tea time, if Lord Ren was going to have some, she decided everyone else could, too.

Soon the kitchen was quiet, save from contented chewing and little sounds of pleasure. Her own slice of cake did a lot to restore her equanimity.

Part of her felt that if Lord Ren was going to have her dismissed, he would have done so by now, but another part observed that if he were ill, he wouldn’t be thinking about those sorts of things.

It was rather disconcerting, being so unsure of what was going on, so she concentrated on her work.

After polishing the brass door knob and letterbox, while she was still warm from the tea, she dusted the whole space, then scrubbed the stand for walking sticks and umbrellas and polished the wooden bench to a pleasingly deep honey colour. She had removed the cushion already and it sat in the laundry room to be looked at and hopefully be salvaged later.

All that was left to her was the flooring, Poe had rolled up the red and gold carpet runner to put away until the weather was good enough to beat it, so Rey was able to (slightly indecorously)

roll up her sleeves and scrub the ceramic floor tiles.

As she worked, the intricate and very handsome geometric pattern was slowly revealed in more detail, the cream and terracotta colours became brighter and the dark grey deeper. The motifs fitted together so perfectly despite the complexity of the design and by the time she had finished, she questioned why the tiles had been covered by the carpet runner at all.

As she sat back on her heels to dry her hands and wipe her forehead, the sound of steps made her turn.

“You have done such an excellent job, Rey,” Mr Hux said from the door of the library, “Varykino is becoming quite a different house since you joined us.”

Rey ducked her head a little, cheeks warm with pride, “Thank you, sir,” she paused and licked her lips, then decided to be brave, “I don’t know if it is my place to say, but, well, does the carpet need to be here?” she gestured to the now glossy tiles, “It seems a shame to cover them up.” When it became clear that Mr Hux didn’t think she was being impertinent, she carried on, “The clock is so beautiful and it seems a waste to let it sit quietly, and ah, the doormat is beyond saving.”

Mr Hux stroked his chin meditatively, but she thought he may be covering a smile. “I quite agree. Poe can still clean the carpet, but then we will put it away for now. The clock hasn’t worked since I came here, which is a crime and I will have the doormat replaced posthaste. I and Lord Ren, greatly value the fine work you have been doing, you see things that our eyes pass over, is there anything else you would like to bring to my attention?”

Should she tell him about last night? His opinion on what Lord Ren would decide would help her prepare… but no, it was simply too mortifying, especially when he was being so nice. 

“The pianoforte? It needs tuning, though I suppose with no one to play it, it doesn’t matter a great deal.”

“No, I think it would be nice to have it tuned. It is in sore need and I understand that even without it being played, tuning it regularly is good for it.”

Rey felt a little giddy over all her ideas being met with approval, a warm flush of pleasure filled her as she ducked her head to hide her pleased smile.

“Thank you sir.”

“Not at all,” he smiled and turned to go, then paused and looked back, “Oh, and Lord Ren very much enjoyed your Gingerbread cake.”

Rey ducked her head again, “Thank you sir.”

It was strange, she felt proud that he had liked it, but also slightly resentful at the same time. Though could it possibly sway him to the idea of not dismissing her? She scoffed at herself over such a silly thought and started tidying away her cleaning things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you missed the new tag, this is going to be the SLOWEST of burns
> 
> **Authentic Victorian Gingerbread Cake Recipe**
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**  
500g flour  
200g butter (salted, or add a generous pinch of salt to compensate if unsalted)  
200g brown sugar  
500g black treacle  
10-15g ginger  
3 small eggs (or two large)  
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda  
A little warm milk
> 
> **METHOD**
> 
> Start by creaming the butter (stirring or beating the butter until it is a smooth, creamy and a uniform texture). Then, add the sugar and spice, ensuring that you mix them in well. Beat the eggs briefly before also adding them to the mix.
> 
> Add flour a little at a time, mixing well between each handful. Pour in the black treacle as you go. A little warm water can be used to get the last of the black treacle out of the bowl. Then, add a pinch of bicarbonate of soda to the warm milk before pouring it into the middle of the bowl and mixing everything together.
> 
> Once the mixture is smooth, line a tin with butter and brown paper before pouring the mixture in. Place in the oven for about an hour at 180 degrees Celsius (an inserted knife or skewer should come out clean once the cake is cooked). Once ready, turn out the cake and leave it to cool, then cut into small pieces to serve. 
> 
> If you want to decorate, try dusting with a little plain icing sugar or dipping the cake pieces in some fondant icing.


	8. Chapter 8

Lord Ren’s recovery took longer than his previous...  _ episode _ , and despite being on tenterhooks over her position at Varykino, Rey could not help but feel the merest bit concerned. The other staff certainly were.

For now, she left the parlour, (the last closed up room), alone, and concentrated on cleaning the rooms that were in use and taking a greater role in the kitchen work.

Poe was dispatched to Dockray for meat and any ingredients Rey requested, so she could bake cakes and biscuits regularly. 

The sun started to shine again, and Lord Ren finally made it downstairs. Rey had no notion of his improvement so she was in the library, cleaning. She had paused for a moment, to study the globe of the world, wondering how it could be round when the horizon was always flat, when the clearing of a throat startled her.

Lord Ren stood in the doorway, dark of countenance and pale of cheek, yet, although he still loomed large, he seemed different, not as intimidating somehow. Which was ridiculous because he may be about to dismiss her.

Dipping into a curtsy, Rey lowered her eyes, “Lord Ren! I am almost finished here but I can leave now, if you wish?”

Internally, she winced at her choice of words - ‘ _ almost finished here _ ,’ seemed like a poor omen;

should she just ask him about what he intended to do with her? Unbidden, came the memory of her dream, of soft lips upon her brow and whispered endearments. It became necessary to look at the floor, in the vain hope that her blush would go unseen.

She watched with a quickening heartbeat as Lord Ren’s polished black shoes stepped closer to her, but she kept her eyes downcast, afraid of his anger or ridicule.

There was the quiet yet unmistakable sound of an in-drawn breath, something she didn’t think she would ever grow used to or understand, and then he spoke.

“Continue as you were, Miss Johnson,” his voice was raspy, yet quiet and it felt oddly intimate.

A little shiver passed through her as she looked up to see him casually take a seat in one of the chairs and open a book. Was this some sort of test? And why was the unusual scent she associated with the library suddenly stronger? The queer peppery, musky scent becoming more noticeable over the leather and wood smoke. 

Lord Ren was utterly still, save for his large fingers turning to a particular page in his book, and although his eyes never left whatever he was reading, she felt like she was being watched all the same.

With a hard swallow and a strange flippy feeling in her stomach, Rey awkwardly continued with her dusting as quickly yet as thoroughly as she could.

As she was gathering her things to leave, Lord Ren spoke without turning his head, “In the future, if you wish to take a bath, please inform Mr Hux.”

Did that mean she could stay? The slightest feeling of indignation coiled through her, because she  _ had  _ told Mr Hux, but, this was a gift-horse and she would not look it in the mouth. She allowed the indignation to be swallowed up in the tide of relief that coursed through her.

“Of course, Lord Ren…” how did one apologise to a member of the peerage? “I, ah, beg pardon for my imprudence.”

After waiting for him to reply for a full minute, she concluded it must have been enough and he wouldn’t be acknowledging her, so she scurried from the room and down to the kitchen where she collapsed in a chair.

“Are you quite all right?” Dopheld asked from the stove.

Rey looked up and grinned at him, “I am very well, Dopheld, thank you.”

He looked understandably confused, but returned her cheer, “Oh, well, jolly good then!”

“Shall I make scones for tea?” 

With Lord Ren up and about again, the atmosphere in the house eased in one sense but returned to slammed doors and a jumpy Dopheld, (though he didn’t seem unduly unhappy about it), and Rey went back to avoiding Lord Ren as much as she could.

It was hard not to dance wherever she went, after his tacit indication that he wouldn’t dismiss her, Rey felt a little like she was walking on air. She couldn’t help humming as she worked, or stop herself from smiling every other moment.

One day at breakfast, Mr Hux found her with a very pleased expression on his face.

“Rey, could you please open up the drawing room and remove the dust sheet from the pianoforte? I have engaged a tuner to attend to it later this morning.” 

With a smile that would rival the Cheshire Cat’s, Rey nodded, “Of course, sir!”

“Thank you,” with a nod, he left the kitchen and Rey turned to see Poe and Dopheld giving her puzzled looks.

“Does that mean you can play?” Poe asked around a mouthful of toast.

Ignoring his poor manners, Rey shook her head, “No, not at all, but it seemed so sad that it couldn’t be played if a visitor stayed who had the accomplishment.”

Poe laughed, “We don’t have visitors to stay,  _ ever, _ it’s just us and the master.”

Thinking of Lady Solo, Rey shrugged and answered optimistically, “Well, there is a first time for everything.”

As it had been a while since she had cleaned the drawing room, she opened the windows to let the stale air out and after neatly folding the dust sheet that covered the piano, she made sure it was well polished with nary a spot of dust to mar its surface.

This was the first visitor since she arrived at Varykino, and she was doubly glad she had taken care of the foyer and hall rather than starting on the parlour room. Everywhere on view looked clean and smart. Not that a piano-tuner was someone that needed impressing, but it still felt important all the same.

Mr Hux dealt with the man when he arrived and Rey went to clean the dining room so she would be able to listen to the piano being brought back to life.

As the notes got clearer and sweeter, she felt like she may burst with glee, which was thoroughly silly, but besides now, she would likely not hear it sound again for some time, possibly never.

That afternoon she made Victoria Sandwiches with the last of Miss Tico’s strawberry conserve, to celebrate.

Poe had bought some very nice spiced apple jelly which they had enjoyed on the scones she made, but she hoped she would be able to buy more strawberry conserve or jam soon, they weren’t yet in season, but Poe would be travelling to Penrith in the next few days to collect a clocksmith and she hoped he may be able to find some in the shops there.

On the day of his trip to Penrith, Mr Hux allowed she and Dopheld to go with Poe as far as Collierhagg Beck for a brief visit with Miss Kanata. 

Just as she was climbing into the trap, Rey realised with chagrin that she had forgotten she would need her pocketbook. Poe laughed good-naturedly when she confessed and allowed her to hurry back inside to collect it. 

As she flew inside, she had to pause in wonder on the stairs, because the space was filled with the sound of the pianoforte. Rey had little knowledge of music, but that hardly mattered because whatever was being played, was simply, breath-takingly, beautiful.

For a moment, she was frozen in place, so enraptured that she completely forgot the urgency of her errand, then, as whomever was playing fumbled slightly, she remembered and quietly carried on to the hall.

As she glanced into the drawing room, expecting to see Mr Hux, (because Poe and Dopheld were outside and Mr Hux had been quite keen to have the instrument fixed), Rey was shocked to stillness once again as her eyes landed on Lord Ren sitting upon the bench, hunched over somewhat as his large yet somehow graceful fingers moved fluidly across the keys.

Perhaps she made some sort of noise, or Lord Ren merely felt the intensity of her regard, because he stopped playing abruptly, the sudden cessation jarring, and whipped around to stare at her.

Clearly, he was as surprised at seeing her as she had been him, because he just regarded her for a moment, then tensed, his hands fisting at his sides.

“I was given to understand you had gone out.”

The beginning of the sentence started off slightly discomposedly but by its end, he was back to his curt, brusque self, yet she thought he was less collected than he had been in the library earlier.

Nonetheless, Rey swallowed and dropped a curtsy, “I am sorry, Lord Ren, I just came back to fetch something, I’ll leave.” 

She was so bewildered that it was halfway towards Collierhagg Beck before she realised she had completely forgotten to fetch her pocketbook.

Happily, Dopheld offered to cover anything she may buy and she promised with reddened cheeks to reimburse him as soon as they arrived home.

It was a very different journey to the last time Rey had travelled that road. She had pleasant company for a start and the sky was blue and the sun was out. With summer fast approaching, the trees and bushes were thick and green and the air was filled with the trilling of birds. 

Once she got over her strange encounter and the embarrassment over her forgetfulness, she enjoyed the journey immensely. 

It was roughly the same distance as Dockray but as that was uphill, it felt a lot swifter and she looked forward to a chance to stretch her legs on the walk home.

Poe stopped the trap at a small stream that disappeared under the road.

“Rather smaller than the Aira Beck, isn’t it?” 

He was right, when compared to its fellow, Collierhagg Beck looked somewhat pathetic. 

Rey smiled and shrugged, “It’s still very pretty,” she insisted as Dopheld helped her down from the trap. “Thank you for letting us join you.”

“Oh, my pleasure, the drive to Penrith will be rather dull without you,” Poe winked, then clucked to his horse and started off again, “Don’t forget the master’s tincture!”

Dopheld scoffed as he watched the trap speed away, “As if I would,” he muttered as he shook his head, then looked at Rey with a smile and awkwardly offered his arm, “The path is more of a trail really and rather rocky underfoot.”

Taking his arm, Rey turned away from the lake and let him guide her into the trees. The birdsong was even louder here and the woods had a stillness to them that made leaving the sunshine no disappointment. The effect was a little like the fog had been, like they had stepped into another world, though this one was entirely pleasant. 

“Maz, Miss Kanata, is quite eccentric but is perfectly amiable,” Dopheld remarked as they walked.

It may have been the fresh air, or her strange morning, but Rey allowed her curiosity to get the better of her, “What is the tincture Poe spoke of?”

“Oh, ah, well,” poor Dopheld stammered, “Master has a… an infirmity, Maz makes a special remedy that helps him when he has need of it.”

_ Infirm, _ was not a word Rey would have used to describe Lord Ren, even when at his wannest; but, she had only been here for a few months, so she merely nodded in answer.

Presently, they arrived in a clearing in the trees, in which sat a small dwelling of curious design.

As they walked into the sunlight again, bells chimed somewhere above them and Rey noticed a string she had knocked with her foot that led to the bells hanging from a Rowan tree.

The cabin, for want of a better word, was small and compact but with a very tall chimney on one side and an ever taller one on the other, for what reason, Rey could only imagine. Parts of the building were wooden, but other parts were dry stone, the two small windows she could see were stained in a riot of colours and the treeless land surrounding the house was given over to a large variety of plants, all of which looked very robust. 

As they made their way up the narrow path towards the open front door, a voice drifted out to them.

“In you come, Dopheld, don’t shilly-shally around, I haven’t got all day!” 

Inside, the little home was as strange as it appeared on the outside, it was quite dimly lit and very cluttered, there were various and manifold items everywhere, some peculiar and some like the huge bunches of herbs hanging from the ceiling, recognisable. The room they entered was warm despite the open door and Rey noticed a roaring fire in the hearth with a huge pot hanging above the flames.

“Oh, and whom do we have here?”

Rey attempted to find the owner of the voice but failed until a very small person bustled out from behind a stack of well worn books. Miss Kanata was tiny, with thick glasses over sharp brown eyes and deeply tanned skin. She was dressed in an assortment of layers, all of which were in contrasting colours.

Dipping a respectful curtsy, Rey held out her hand, “Good afternoon, Miss Kana-”

“Phaw! None of that misses business, please. Call me Maz.”

Shutting her slightly gaping mouth, Rey nodded and Maz mirrored her, then stared her up and down.

“So, you’ll be the new maid then, Rey,” she smiled at Rey’s obvious surprise, “Oh the birds tell me everything that occurs on my Lake,” she shook her head, muttering, “That foolish boy! Still he’ll find his tongue eventually, more of his father in him that he would like, that's his problem.” 

Rey looked uncertainly at Dopheld who silently shrugged before Maz could catch him.

“Well, so Dopheld dear, you are here for the tincture of the moon for the boy and some more sweet-sleep for you? I have them made up and ready to go.”

“Thank you, Maz, ah, would you have enough sweet-sleep for Rey, too?”

Maz’s beady eyes focused on Rey, one of her hands coming up to tap her lips, “Tell me girl, how is your sleep troubling you?”

“Oh,” Rey blushed under such scrutiny, “Well, I have been having the most vivid dreams, some of which are quite unpleasant and the others leave me feeling as if I have hardly closed my eyes.” 

“Indeed, and are there any recurring themes?”

Suddenly Rey felt rather awkward, she didn’t want to divulge her dream of Lord Ren or the wolf, “I, well the most distressing of my dreams was that I was,” here she blushed further with shame, “I was back at the workhouse in London, I was stuck there and would only ever leave when I died.”

A small warm hand clasped hers, Maz’s expression had softened, “Dear child, you will never have to go back there,” she smiled beautifully, “I see that the belonging you seek is ahead of you, there may be some bumps in the road, but you are on your way. Now”, she clapped her hands together with vigour, “I will make you up what you need, do not fret Dopheld, it will just take two shakes of a lamb's tail!”

Maz disappeared behind the books again, but Rey could hear her muttering to herself and the sound of tins and boxes being opened and closed. A look at Dopheld granted her another shrug and a small, encouraging smile.

Maz was fairly true to her word, it had been less than five minutes when she emerged from the gloom, a small tin in her hand. “If this doesn’t banish the, _unpleasant,” _(here Maz eyed her as if she had an inkling that Rey hadn’t been entirely honest with her,) “Dreams away, come back. It is a slightly slapdash concoction, but it should do the trick.”

They had made their farewells and started down the path, when Maz called out , “And next time, tell young Solo to come himself! That boy owes me a game of chess!” 

Rey stumbled in shock and Dopheld just caught her from turning head over heels.

“You see?” he murmured as she righted herself, “Quite eccentric, but she makes excellent remedies.”

From everything she had seen, Rey rather suspected Maz really may be a witch, or some sort of wise-woman at the least, but she hadn’t had an air of evil or danger, in fact, despite her oddities, Rey decided she rather liked her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Scone recipe **
> 
> (I couldn’t find a Victorian one, so here is my recipe - I work in ounces because I am a Luddite, but you can find conversion charts on google)
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**
> 
> 8 oz self raising flour  
2 oz butter  
1 oz sugar  
¼ pint of milk
> 
> **METHOD**
> 
> Rub the butter into the flour, then add the sugar. Stir in most of the milk - sometimes you don’t need it all and sometimes you do so it’s best to see. Mix till it forms dough. Handles the dough as little as possible for best results. Cut out rounds or squares and brush the tops with a little milk.
> 
> Bake in a HOT oven (230 or 210 for fan) and keep a vigilant eye on them as they can suddenly catch if left in a little too long. 8-10 minutes depending on how big they are. Remove at once and leave to cool. These are best eaten on the same day or you can freeze them.
> 
> (If you are doing a traditional English cream tea, you cut the scone in half, spread with butter, add the jam or conserve of your choice (but it ought to be strawberry if you’re being traditional) then top with a dollop of clotted cream (NOT whipped cream). Enjoy with a cup of tea, Earl Grey if you have it! ♥ )
> 
> My [Twitter](https://twitter.com/DreadAmber)  
where I post about updates and Reylo/Star Wars related stuff!


	9. Chapter 9

The walk back to Varykino was brisk but enjoyable, clouds had come to cover the sun, but the air was still fresh and the world still beautiful.

Dopheld did walk excessively fast, clearly anxious to be away from the house for as short a time as possible, and Rey was somewhat out of breath by the time they reached the side door. 

As they had been absent from their duties for some time, she didn’t feel that it would be fair to rest for a moment, so she removed her outdoor vestments, pinned on a clean apron and set to work.

It was either the fresh air, the exercise or maybe both, but by dinner time, she was quite fatigued and endeavouring to conceal her yawns.

With how tired she was, she didn’t bother to try Maz’s tea, merely just completed all her tasks, then wearily but gratefully climbed the stairs to her room.

Pleasantly, her rest was unimpeded by strange dreams or nightly goings on, but upon awakening, she found that her crimson visitor had arrived.

With a miserable sigh, she applied a flannel napkin, attached to its riband and then cleansed her legs with cold water.

She did her best to be as industrious as usual, hiding her winces over cramps and discomfort, electing to work alone as much as possible.

The parlour remained as it was, as she doubted she would be able to be as vigorous as would likely be needed. So after sweeping the hall and foyer, as the piano-tuner had tracked in some dirt and leaves, she tended to the dining room while Lord Ren had no need of it and the billiard room when he did.

It was as she strained up to dust the frame of the pastoral landscape above the billiard room fireplace, that a particularly bad cramp caused her to hiss and hunch her body slightly as she breathed through it.

With a grimace, she straightened up and paused for a moment to regain some semblance of equilibrium, before sighing in resignation and reaching up again, determined to finish her task.

“Are you hurt?”

Rey gasped despite herself, turning to see Lord Ren merely a few paces away from her. How did a man of his size move so silently? And why? But more importantly, why did he think she was hurt?

“Not at all, Lord Ren, shall I leave this until later?”

It was unmistakable, his nostrils flared, could he smell…? Rey felt her pale cheeks bloom with colour.

He frowned, dark brows drawn down in disapproval as he studied her, “I will not tolerate liars in this house.”

Biting her lip, Rey tried again, “I assure you,” she told him truthfully, “I am not injured.”

It didn’t work, he moved until he was unbearably close, glaring at her as he audibly clenched his jaw, looming above her, a huge presence that seemed inescapable.

“If you do not tell me the truth, I will have you out of this house in five minutes,” his voice was soft, but deadly serious, an undercurrent of fury seeping through.

Unbidden, Rey’s eyes welled up with tears and overflowed as she looked away, digging her nails into her palms as she clenched her fists, trying to conceal her utter humiliation.

In a thick voice, she told him, “I am not injured, I simply have my menses.”

There was a heavy pause, during which she stopped breathing in the hopes of holding in the sobs her traitorous body was trying to impose upon her. 

Then, with no response, Lord Ren departed, she felt the loss of his body heat and weight of his stare rather than heard him.

A door slammed, likely the library if she had to guess, but she waited a moment more before hurrying upstairs to change her saturated napkin and weep in peace.

If Rey had disliked Lord Ren before, she loathed him now. How a person could be so ill-mannered and unfeeling, she could not begin to comprehend.

When what must be a quarter of an hour had passed, she washed her face and straightened her clothes and went downstairs to the kitchen for a very necessary cup of tea.

“Rey?” Dopheld asked as she put the kettle on to boil, “Whatever is the matter?”

With an inward groan Rey busied herself stoking the fire, “Some dust got in my eyes, pure foolishness on my part.”

“Oh, oh dear, that sounds unpleasant.”

Rey shook her head, “Very unpleasant,” she noticed some beef chuck on a chopping board, “Shall I show you how to make beef bourguignon? We have all the right ingredients and I think you’ll all enjoy it.”

Dopheld chuckled, “So long as the master likes it, we’ll like it, I am sure.”

While Rey didn’t relish allowing Lord Ren to benefit from her cooking, it gave her an excuse to stay below stairs and to her mind, the dish was very comforting, which was what she needed.

To her satisfaction, the meal was a great success, and soothed her turbulent thoughts and feelings. 

Neither Poe, Dopheld nor Mr Hux seemed to be aware of her condition, and that made her feel, notwithstanding her cramps, much more comfortable.

A happy result of the incident in the billiard room, was that Lord Ren now appeared to be avoiding her as studiously as she was him. Which suited her perfectly well, because the few times they crossed paths, his expression was one of utmost contempt, as if she were the one at fault.

Life carried on like this until a few weeks later, when Poe insisted she go out to the garden with him as he had something to show her.

“You’ve seemed to be a little out of sorts recently,” he observed as he guided her down the path that led to the kitchen garden, he vaguely waved his hand to illustrate his point, “Your smile isn’t quite right,” here he fixed her with the most serious expression she had ever seen him make, “Don’t think we haven’t noticed… but, this ought to cheer you up!” 

They passed through the gate that led to the walled kitchen garden and Rey felt herself really smile.

Poe had clearly been hard at work, the garden was full of plants and neat rows of furrows where plants had yet to peep above the earth, and in the corner, was the herb garden, the once pathetic remnants now thick and green and growing.

Poe proudly led her up and down, explaining what each plant was or would be and Rey felt almost as excited as he clearly was.

As they made their way back to the house, Poe paused a moment behind a bush then produced a bunch of daffodils and offered them to her, “The last of the daffodils, I thought you may like these for your room, they still smell sweet.”

Rey blushed and accepted them happily, bringing them to her nose to inhale the scent for the first time in her life. They _ were _sweet, like sunshine and honey.

“They smell beautiful,” she murmured as she started walking again, “Thank you, Poe. You won’t get into trouble for picking them, though?”

Poe chuckled, “Nay, I doubt the master would notice, he only walks the garden in the evening, anyway.”

That little tidbit Rey filed away, glad to know the garden wasn’t somewhere she’d ever bump into Lord Ren, as she never went out in the evenings.

It made her wonder about the animal who sometimes howled, did Lord Ren ever catch sight of it? Would he try and hunt it if he did? She hoped, for the animals sake, that they never crossed paths, it already sounded wounded enough without a huge, angry man adding to its woes. She knew gentlemen hunted for pleasure, so far she was unaware if Lord Ren did, but he seemed the sort. Perhaps she should try and scare the creature away, but to do so, she would have to leave her room at night and that was forbidden...

In the kitchen, Rey found a chipped jug and put the flowers in it with some water to take upstairs when she retired.

“What’s that on your nose?” Dopheld asked curiously,

“Pollen,” Poe answered with amusement as he poured himself a cup of tea, “From the daffodils.”

Using her hand, Rey rubbed her nose lightly, “Is it gone?”

Dopheld peered at her, then smiled and nodded, “All gone.”

As she was going up that evening, she had the misfortune to cross the hall at the same time as Lord Ren was leaving the library.

His habitual glare faltered slightly when it touched upon the jug of flowers she was carrying, his countenance becoming almost what Rey would have called dismayed, though that was ridiculous, why would a man be upset about a few flowers being picked? Anger would not have surprised her, though she had expected indifference.

The moment passed and he stiffly turned around and entered the library once more, door slamming behind him.

Despite knowing it was coming, Rey flinched at the loud noise anyway.

That night, her dreams were fraught yet nebulous and when she woke at midnight, she remembered that she had yet to try Maz’s tea. 

As it wasn’t a night where they were confined to their rooms, she lit a candle and tiptoed downstairs to make some.

The kitchen was still warm, and she curled up on a chair by the banked fire as she allowed the tea steep. 

She hadn’t realised she had closed her eyes until they drifted open again. Blinking owlishly, she hazily registered someones back as they disappeared into the hall, then noticed there was a blanket covering her and that her tea was no longer steaming. As she became more alert, she realised that the retreating back had been broad and tall… but it couldn’t have been Lord Ren - for she knew that he despised her... yet it surely had not been Mr Hux or Dopheld while Poe didn’t sleep in the house and the door was locked. If it were an intruder, they would hardly have paused to throw a blanket over a sleeping servant, and now she studied it, it was not a blanket she had seen before. It was made of a soft, luxurious chenille, the dark red and gold pattern accented with black, the rich, deep colours shimmered slightly. As she absentmindedly rubbed it against her cheek, she recognised the scent immediately, it was the same as the library. 

There didn’t seem to be any way it had not been Lord Ren then, but why? If anything she would have expected him to wake her up to reprimand her. It was perplexing to say the least.

With a sigh, she stood and stretched her back before swallowing down her tea, then made her way to bed. She had meant to leave the blanket on the chair but she realised she still had it wrapped around her when she entered her room.

There was something oddly… comforting about its weight and smell, and she decided for one night, it wouldn’t hurt to nestle down with it, she would just leave it for Lord Ren in the library tomorrow. 

The next day, she overslept and woke up to find the blanket tangled around her and her cheek resting against the soft material, consequently, her nose was full of that singular scent.

With a small blush for being such a silly goose, she hurried through her ablutions and rushed downstairs, quite forgetting to take the blanket with her. 

It occurred to her that Maz’s tea seemed to have worked at least - the remainder of the night had given her no unsettling dreams and she felt well rested despite her interrupted night.

The day had dawned bright and sunny, and Poe finally deemed it dry enough to properly fix the stable roof. 

For that reason, Rey was left to tend the kitchen. It suited her well, as she was a little sleepy, and she wondered if it had been too late in the night to take Maz’s tea. 

Poe had recently bought some lemons, and as it was turning out to be a hot day, Rey decided Lemonade would be nice when they were working so hard. To accompany it, she threw together some simple shortbread, contentedly humming to herself as she worked.

She hid the shortbread and lemonade in the pantry when it was time for lunch, knowing that otherwise Poe and Dopheld would just fill up on treats and not eat a proper meal. They came in tired and sweaty, but satisfied at their progress.

At 3pm, she judged it a good time for a break, set glasses of lemonade and a plate of shortbread on a tray and carried it outside.

The entrance to the stables was out of sight of the back of the house and she followed the path around to the side and through the gate that led to the yard. She was stepping carefully, concerned about losing her balance, but when she looked up at the sound of voices, she stumbled and almost dropped everything at the sight that met her astonished eyes.

For there was Lord Ren, in nothing but shirt and trousers, sleeves rolled up and hair damp and messy, bearing a large piece of timber on his strong shoulders.

It looked effortless, almost like an afterthought, as if he barely registered the weight of it… Rey turned tail and hastened out of sight before anyone saw her, her cheeks warm and her heart was doing a swift pitter-pat in her chest. He had looked handsome, relaxed but vigorous… what on earth was he doing? Why had not Poe and Dophled told her Lord Ren was _ helping _ them? Everything was suddenly turned on its head.

Back in the kitchen, Rey added another glass of lemonade and more shortbread to the tray, and went back outside again. As she drew close to the gate, she took a deep breath and walked through as calmly as she could.

At first they didn’t notice her, too busy hoisting the wood Lord Ren had been holding up onto the roof.

Of course it was Lord Ren who registered her first, the man seemed to have some uncanny sense and Rey saw the instant he became aware of her. His posture straightened, suddenly rigid and he stopped speaking to Dopheld and turned his head just enough to see her from the corner of his eye.

Dopheld and Poe were quick to follow, and for a moment they all looked like naughty children whose mischief had just been discovered. It was all very peculiar and Rey decided it would be best to behave as if this were normal.

“I thought you must be hungry and thirsty,” she told them briskly, “You’re…” her tongue tied itself for a second, but it was only brief, “All working so hard.” 

There wasn’t any good place to set the tray down, so she proffered it to Lord Ren first, trying not to notice the way his shirt was stretched across his chest, or how powerful his bare forearms looked. 

“Oh,” said Poe when Lord Ren didn’t reply straight away, “That looks wonderful, thank you. I think we all need it.” He was perhaps smiling too widely, but sometimes it was hard to tell with Poe. 

Dopheld hesitantly moved nearer, shooting Rey a nervous curve of his lips as his eyes darted to Lord Ren and away, “Is that lemonade?”

Rey smiled gratefully at him, “Yes, freshly made, and shortbread, is there somewhere suitable to leave the tray? I need to get back to begin dinner.”

“Here,” two large hands gently grasped the tray and she let it go, “This all looks... very nice.”

If Rey didn’t know any better, she would have said Lord Ren sounded… awkward or shy. Perhaps it was being caught in just his shirt sleeves or doing manual labour, she couldn’t tell, so she bobbed a curtsey in response then left them with the tray.

Why had a member of the peerage, whose main hobbies appeared to be slamming doors and shouting at people, not employed day labourers if Poe and Dopheld were unable to fix the roof on their own? 

He was an enigma, just when she thought she knew who he was, he did something to confuse her. He was mercurial, beyond her understanding, but she had to secretly admit to herself, that he was also very, very handsome. 

Poe was handsome, in a rugged, roguish sort of a way, Dopheld had a sweet, kind face and Mr Hux was very elegant, but despite his strangeness, Lord Ren was good looking in a way that made her nervous. 

It was utterly absurd.

She had never been the sort of girl, now woman, to be distracted by fine eyes or handsome features. Her goal in life had always been to work hard and live as happily as possible and she had never concerned herself with thoughts of marrying or love. Love did not keep you safe, or fill your belly, it didn’t last and the result was misery, or at least, so she had observed. Friendship, she was glad to cultivate, she enjoyed her conversations with the other staff here and the Tico sisters. To a certain degree, it was possible that she had loved the Priest, the one person to give her life meaning and agency, she had certainly wept when he died and had felt the loss keenly.

So, this was ridiculous, she was probably mistaken, Lord Ren made her nervous because he was intimidating and it was impossible to know how he would behave sometimes, that was it.

That was all this was. 

  
  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Balmoral Shortbread** \- A daily favourite of Queen Victoria, recipe is directly from the royal kitchens.
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**
> 
> 1 cup softened butter  
1/2 cup sugar  
2 & 1/2 cups flour
> 
> **METHOD**  
Place the softened butter and sugar in a bowl and cream together with a mixer. Sieve in the flour and using the fingertips gently work the flour into the butter mixture, adding flour a little at a time to make a soft dough.
> 
> Take small pieces of the dough and roll out thinly. Take a glass, or cookie cutter about 3-3 & 1/2" in diameter, and cut out the dough until all is used. Prick the surface of each shortbread cookie with a fork so they bake evenly.
> 
> Put the cookies on a greased baking tray and bake at 180 degrees Celsius (350 Fahrenheit) for 12-15 minutes. Do not let edges get brown. Oven times may vary so it's best to do a test cookie first.


	10. Chapter 10

There was a part of Rey that very much wished to ask Poe and Dopheld why Lord Ren had been assisting them with the stable roof, but she couldn’t begin to decide how she would phrase such a question. Simply asking outright would put them on the spot and while she knew Lord Ren was not an easy master, neither one of them had ever said anything remotely rude about him.

The issue was awkwardly skirted around, but she could tell that they were both relieved she didn’t bring the subject up. Consequently, she did not ask either of them about Lord Ren playing the piano, nor mention that she had noticed his acute sense of smell.

Those questions would likely also make it sound as if she were, for want of a better word,  _ spying _ on him, she had already accidentally eavesdropped on two conversations recently, she didn’t want this to become a complex. 

The man was a mystery and so he would stay; these were things that she didn’t need to know to carry out her tasks, she just needed to curb her curiosity and be sensible. 

On the morning of the day she planned to finally begin cleaning the parlour, Mr Hux informed them over breakfast that it was time for another three nights in their rooms.

It seemed extraordinary that whatever Lord Ren’s malady was, it was so regular in its occurrence and so easy to predict. Of course, now she thought about it, he did seem to be more violent in his slamming of doors and was increasingly irritable in the run up to the announcements.

What sort of infirmity fluctuated by the calendar? And why must they all stay in their rooms during its most severe period? 

But, she had vowed not to concern herself over the peculiarities of her employer, so with a shake of her head, she put it all from her mind and began working on the parlour.

The parlour was the grandest and most cluttered of Varykino’s rooms. Ordinarily, parlours were only made use of on Sundays, to entertain guests or to celebrate special occasions.

Something told her that this had been the first room to be closed up, there was a very profound sense of abandonment to it, more so than the other neglected rooms. It looked as though the dust sheets had been thrown over without thought, the furniture was haphazard and poorly arranged to Rey’s way of thinking, and as she uncovered more and more, she made a rather disturbing discovery. 

All the portraits that featured Lord Ren, or the man she assumed had been his father, were turned to face the walls, or laid face down.

There were other portraits, some of Lady Solo and Lord Skywalker, that were not hidden, and ones with a beautiful dark haired lady and a tall serious gentleman that Rey assumed was her husband, there were similarities that made her think these must be Lady Solo’s parents. 

As she went about turning the frames to the light so she could clean them properly, she felt a little as if she were intruding, like she was prying into something incredibly private, and was glad she had had the forethought to wedge the door shut.

It was like some of Lord Ren’s history was revealed to her, there were portraits of when he was a young child, with long floppy hair and a beaming smile, arms wrapped tightly around a large hound. As he got older, his expression became more serious, but she fancied his mouth appeared more disposed to smiling than it was now. She couldn't help being amused by his big ears and how ungainly he looked as he grew into a man.

Then, in the one that she thought was the latest, a small photograph, his expression was utterly wretched, after that, there were no more, it was like history had stopped, and so had the life in Varykino.

What could have happened to cause the rift in his family and his seclusion? With the wealth at his and his relatives disposal, he must have seen all the best physicians, have had the best possible care. 

What had befallen the boy that led to the man he was now? 

More importantly, why could she not seem to separate herself from her mental acquisitiveness? She had remained cheerfully ignorant of Mr Plutt’s business, so why was she unable to do so here? It was truly maddening.

With a sigh, she resorted to reciting psalms in her head in an effort to keep her mind on task. 

The large room was striking, it’s walls decorated with patterned wallpaper in gold and deep orange, that shimmered in the light once she had pulled back the drapes from the windows. (Fortunately, this time she had remembered to wrap a cloth around her mouth and nose, and so avoided her usual coughing fit.) 

Even with the natural light, there was still a feeling of darkness in this room, a heavy atmosphere, as if echoes of its last days remained, had seeped into the walls and carpet like an invisible stain.

It made it uncomfortable to be in there, and try as she might, the psalms in her head did little to help her ignore it.

Behind one chair, Rey found a smashed vase, on one of the red velvet camel-back sofas, a golden cushion was ripped, as if by claws. There were strange scratches on the walls, a mantel clock with a cracked and chipped face and most alarming of all, dark spatters of some kind of liquid, long since dried, sprayed over the elegant honey coloured brocade chaise lounge that sat by one of the tall windows. 

It was blood, even though she scolded herself over letting her imagination run away with itself, deep down, she just knew it was blood.

There was a Penny Dreadful series that she had read some of, called the  _ The Boy Detective _ . As the title suggested, it was about a boy, a runaway, who worked with a police detective and solved crimes; the parlour made her think of a crime scene, a puzzle to be pierced together, but she didn’t know if she really wanted the answers it would reveal once complete.

With a shake of her head, she pushed those thoughts down and started to tackle the job at hand.

First, she gathered the broken and damaged things and collected them on a mahogany side table, to be gone over more closely later so she could see what was salvageable and what was not.

All the silk lampshades were horribly dirty and would need a thorough clean with water and ivory soap, then preferably set outside in the sun to dry, so she collected those together too.

The chandelier was a huge confection of crystal and gold and would require a lot of work to clean up, though at least this one had a way to lower it, meaning she wouldn’t have to rely on anyone else to get at it.

There were numerous ornaments dotted about the room on side tables, sideboards and occasional tables. Some of her favourites were a silver statue of a bird in flight, with ‘ _ Falcon’ _ engraved on the front of its base, a delicately carved jade frog, an ivory elephant lidded oval box of intricate design, and a golden yet realistic looking pear. There were so many treasures to discover, so many small things that needed careful yet thorough cleaning.

There were three large ornate mirrors, set in golden starburst frames, one over the marble mantelpiece and the other two faced each other on opposite sides of the room, once clean they would reflect even more light into the room. Many paintings decorating the walls, large and small, of boats and landscapes, a very fine tapestry in red, yellow and green featuring birds, flowers and leaf patterns, more opulent lamps and even an exquisite statuesque golden harp standing silent in one corner.

The weight of forgotten history and the palpable feeling of loss settled over her like a heavy mantle. While the other rooms had been exciting to explore and discover and satisfying to set to rights, the parlour was the opposite, she was trespassing, she felt it in her bones - she wasn’t wanted here.

In spite of all this negative feeling, Rey laboured as hard as she could until lunch time, then closed up the windows and left. 

She would do a little of it each day, rather than all at once, dilute its effect on her, so to speak, however foolish that may be.

In the afternoon, she worked on the silk lampshades, but she took them down to the laundry room, so she could escape the cheerless ambiance of what had begun to feel like a mausoleum. 

By the time she went to bed, early though it was, she was exhausted, mentally and physically, and weary in spirit. She made some of Maz’s tea and took it up with her, but barely finished it before she fell asleep.

The tea had been remarkably effective up till now, but this night, she dreamed of the wolf again. 

_ It was the same animal, she was certain, huge and black, with eyes that flashed golden in the gloom. This time, he did not chase her, nor she him, they walked in the green wood, ten paces apart, mirroring each other. Every now and then her heart would jolt in her chest and her mind would scream at her to run, but she would push it down again, because she felt that she knew him, he was familiar somehow, and in her heart, a voice whispered, assuring her that he would not harm her… _

The dream eventually faded, as dreams do and her mind turned dark as she slipped into a deeper sleep.

Eventually, she awoke, somehow unsurprised, to mournful howls outside the window. After peeping through the curtains, she thought she may have seen a dark shape on the lawn as it turned and swiftly moved into the shadows, but she couldn’t be sure and it may have just been chimerical, simply a remnant of her dream. 

Back in bed, she lay in the dark, pondering the strange coincidence or dreaming of a wolf and then hearing one whilst awake. Could it be possible she was just  _ imagining _ she heard a wolf? Or whatever it was that was howling, (she thought only wolves howled, but she wasn’t certain).

The idea she had may have been imagining it and how she had quizzed poor Dopheld over it, made her feel foolish and rather concerned - for a mind that just invented noises in the night, may be ill.

Certainly she wouldn’t be mentioning it again, not unless she could be sure, and how could she? 

In the dark, Rey scoffed at herself, this was beyond ridiculous, there were no wolves in England, and the animals lived in packs anyway, so if you heard one, presumably you would hear more.

This house was so full of mysteries and secrets, she was clearly just fabricating her own, even if she had been unconscious of it. Well, now she knew, she could put a stop it. No more wolves or flights of fancy, no more prying or asking  _ why _ when she wouldn’t get any answers.

It may be prudent to go and visit Maz again soon, perhaps she could make a tea that would stop the wolf dreams as well as the others. 

Strangely, she felt a pang of loss at the idea, but she wilfully ignored it. 

As sleep still seemed a long way off, but she was too tired to read or do any mending, she guiltily fetched the blanket that Lord Ren had put over her, and cuddled up with it. She had meant to return it,  _ she had _ , and she would, but she kept forgetting. The question of why she found it so comforting, she absolutely refused to consider.

The next morning, she resolutely shook the beautiful blanket out, it was perfectly clean still, so she folded it neatly and took it down with her, slipping into the library and leaving it on a chair, before going below stairs for breakfast.

It still struck her as strange, how the staff here ate their morning meal before beginning their duties. At Mr Plutt’s and the work house, she had been expected to get a great deal done before breaking her fast. It was a nice, rather leisurely routine, another good thing about living and working at Varykino.

“Where does the name Varykino originate?” Rey asked into the sleepy silence of the breakfast table. 

Poe looked blankly at Dopheld, who frowned in thought, “I believe it was named by Lady Amidala Naberrie, the wife of Lord Johnathan Naberrie, who built the house in 1745. I seem to remember Lady Amidala was of Italian extraction and named the house after a small island her family owned in the Tyrrhenian Sea.”

“Oh,” Rey replied softly. 

It made her wonder what the island looked like and how much Lady Amidala must have missed it.

“They were the parents of Lady Padmé,” he lowered his voice slightly, half whispering, “Lady Solo’s mother and the master’s grandmother.”

How strange it seemed, to know your family history so well you could name the date they built a house, even though it was over a hundred years ago. It wasn’t often Rey thought of her own parents, but she did so now, wondering if they still lived, and if they regretted parting with her, whatever the reason may have been. Sometimes she thought that it would be easier to bear, if she knew the cause of their abandonment, though it very likely would depend on the cause, if it was simply that they had not liked her, it would have hurt all the more. In her darker moments, particularly as a child in the workhouse, she felt certain that she had disappointed them, that she hadn’t been good enough, or fair enough or they simply hadn’t wanted a daughter.

The day had started rather chilly and grey, so before entering the parlour, she went back to the library to light a fire, Lord Ren did often look ill during these periods and him getting a chill on top of that would be most unfortunate.

Midmorning, as she was scrubbing the large, elegantly carved marble fireplace, the slamming of the parlour door made her jump so hard she yelped.

Lord Ren stood a few paces inside the room, furious gaze fixed on her. “Who gave you permission to be in here?” By his accusatory tone, it was evident he thought no one had.

Rey swallowed as she stood up to face him, already out of sorts herself from being in the oppressive milieu for several hours.

“You did, Lord Ren, the first full day I worked here.”

There was a  _ growl _ , and he stalked towards her, eyes intent, “I  _ absolutely _ did not!”

Spine stiffening, she defiantly glared right back at him, “You did, you told me I must not enter the landing where the family rooms are, ever. I have not.”

It was indisputable, yet she probably shouldn’t speak to him so disrespectfully, sometimes he brought out a rebellious streak in her, that she usually suppressed.

His nostrils flared, his eyes almost black in his pale face, dark circles beneath them, and Rey remembered he was ill and felt a little ashamed... a very little.

Lowering her eyes, she decided to try and distract him from exerting himself further, “I put some broken items on the sideboard,” she gestured, “Would you like to peruse them and tell me if anything there is important? I am not certain all of them can be mended.”

He glanced over to where she was pointing and then quickly away, his infuriated mien was swallowed up by something she would almost have called haunted or vulnerable, he seemed to sag or shrink without actually doing so. 

“Do whatever you wish, I care not,” he told her lowly, then whirled around and swiftly exited the room. He must have been really quite distressed as he did not slam the door behind him. 

Rey’s shame increased, but she comforted herself with the knowledge that at least the library was warm and inviting.

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

After lunch, Poe was dispatched to Dockray for the butcher and Rey went with him, in the hopes that she would be able to buy some chocolate. 

Haysian, the Tico sisters little dog, eagerly ran to meet her as she entered the shop. Smiling, she knelt down to greet him, stroking his silky brown fur as he jumped up trying to lick her cheek.

“Hays! Silly dog, get down!” Paige laughed as she entered the shop from the back room. “Good afternoon, Rey, are you well?”

Rey stood, much to Haysian’s disappointment, “I am, thank you, though Lord Ren is less so, do you have any chocolate? I was hoping to make him something that may lift his mood a little.”

Paige shook her head with a fond smile, “You treat him better than he deserves, truly. And you are in luck, we do have some chocolate,” she gestured to one of the shelves, “But we only have one variety, M. J. Jefferies’ Rock Chocolate, will that be suitable?”

“I am sure that will do very nicely, thank you. Are you and Rose well?”

“We are,” Paige said as she wrapped up the chocolate bar, “Rose is out running some errands at the moment. It would be lovely to see you again, soon. The steamer ferry would be a wonderful way for you to see more of Ullswater and Rose and I haven’t been on one for some years. Perhaps one Sunday afternoon, now it is warmer and the evenings are longer?”

Rey had observed the boats moving up and down the lake and rather hoped to take a turn one day. “Oh! Yes please, that sounds delightful!” 

Paige smiled and clapped her hands together, “Oh, splendid! We could even take a picnic tea!”

As she thought about how much work she had to do on the parlour room and how ill-tempered Lord Ren was at the moment, her smile fell a little, “Perhaps next month? Things are rather busy at the moment.” She would need to be sure she had enough money for the fare, also.

“That will probably suit better as the weather will be much finer, I am sure,” Paige supplied, and Rey smiled.

“Indeed, do forgive me, I must go and find Poe, this was meant to be a quick visit. Please give my warm regards to Rose and tell her I was sad to miss her.”

“Of course,” Paige said as she took Rey’s coins and gave her the chocolate, “We shall look forward to seeing you again.”   
  


“So,” asked Poe as they rode back to Varykino, “What are you cooking up for us today then?”

Rey feigned confusion, “Oh! This is something special for Lord Ren,” (he wasn’t  _ her _ master) “I do not think there will be enough for anyone else.”

She laughed when she saw Poe’s face fall, and he shook his head, “Nothing but mischief I see.”

“You will just have to be patient, good things come to those who wait.”

Poe clucked to Bee, rolling his eyes at her, “You’re naught but a tease, Miss Johnson!”

Rey smirked but clasped her chest, “You wound me, Mr Dameron!”

They carried on with gentle ribbing the whole way home, as they came into the courtyard, Poe volleyed his final jape, “Do you know why a blushing woman is an anomaly?” Rey shook her head, “It’s the only time she is admired for her cheek!”

Rey gasped in mock horror, declaimed, “Impudent rascal!” then dissolved into giggles, hiding her mouth with her hand as she went to climb out of the trap.

But she froze instead, disconcerted to find Lord Ren standing silently a few feet away, dark eyes glittering in the sunlight.

Both she and Poe had instantly fallen silent, Lord Ren merely stared at them a moment, then stiffly walked forwards and offered his hand to her. It took Rey a moment to understand that he was offering to help her down from the trap.

Could she decline without seeming ridiculous? It was just a hand, nothing more.

It was something more. 

She knew it as soon as they touched. 

Having forgotten to wear gloves out, it was skin to skin, his hands huge and warm, dwarfing her digits and making them look so delicate, so breakable. She was surprised to feel calluses, roughness that indicated he was not as soft as she would have expected from those of noble birth... though considering how he had joined in fixing the stable roof, she ought not to be as surprised as she was.

Her hand tingled at the contact, it spread up her arm, along with a flood of warmth, and she had to look down, away from his eyes, her cheeks hot but a shiver stippling over her skin.

Lord Ren let go as soon as her feet were on the ground, but somehow she could feel a ghostly impression still on her skin, almost an echo, that persisted in lingering.

“It looks like rain,” Lord Ren stated flatly, “Put Bee and the trap away, Dameron, you know he hates to get wet,” with just that, he strode away. 

Rey looked up at Poe, who was frowning at his masters back, then shook his head, “Best get to it, then,” he said, shrugged at her and turned towards the stable.

It was a most peculiar exchange and Rey couldn’t understand it. 

As if on queue, rain started to fall in a light mist, and Rey hurried herself indoors.

While the chocolate pudding she made was simple, Mr Plutt had greatly enjoyed it and she hoped very much that everyone at Varykino would too. 

It was served warm, with a splash of cream for the staff, and a small jug sent up with Lord Ren’s serving.

Silence whilst eating, she had found, was either a sign of approval or a sign that no one was willing to admit whatever it was they were consuming, was awful.

Judging by Poe’s blissfully closed eyes and Dopheld’s happy smile, however, the pudding was a success.

The chocolate, although she had never tried that variety before, had been high quality, which was very important for this particular recipe as the rich taste was the hinge of its success.

The wonderful thing about it was that it was good hot or cold, tomorrow, she would serve it sliced and cold with tea, it’s versatility making it a very useful dish indeed.

Lord Ren’s plate came back scraped clean, though they usually did - the man certainly had an appetite to suit his size, though the amount of meat he consumed made him appear more like a bear than a man. 

Yet he wasn’t corpulent, his body was…  _ firm _ , muscled, even. Her cheeks heated a little just from thinking such a thing as she washed up and put away the dinner things before retiring to her room. Although the flush could be attributed to the hot water she had her hands in…  _ hands _ , another thing she would rather not contemplate at that moment.

Taking a cup of Maz’s tea up with her, she lit her oil lamp so she had enough light to attend to some mending, her mind too lively to contemplate sleep quite yet. 

As it was a full moon, she left the curtains open as the sky was clear of clouds and the silver light was ethereally beautiful.

At perhaps a couple of hours after she was abed, her ears picked up sounds inside the house. Movement, creaking and the sound of footsteps. The hair on the nape of her neck rose as she set aside the shirt she was mending and slipped out of bed, avoiding the boards that would betray her as she stepped carefully to the door, barely breathing as she gently pressed her ear against it. 

Although she stood still and silent for a long time, the noises never came again, and after a good while, she straightened, scoffing at her foolishness and padded back to bed, suddenly sleepy.

_ The wolf was nearer in this new dream, sometimes he would be to her right, and sometimes the left, appearing and disappearing silently without warning as she walked through the woods. As time went on, her bare feet cold and wet with dew, she thought she saw a light up ahead. As she came nearer, she could see a break in the trees and she started to run towards it. _

_ A howl broke the cool, calm silence of the forest and Rey faltered to a stop, spinning to see the wolf five paces away, muzzle aimed at the canopy overhead as his voice carried above it, and everything went dark. _

Rey sat bolt upright as her eyes flew open; she had forgotten to close the curtains and the room was bathed in silver. 

Another howl sounded, it was as if it was directly below her window and she distractedly tried to untangle herself from the snarl of her blankets.

Once more the howl came, identical to her dream wolf’s, yet when she reached the window, she saw no sign of any creature and her tense shoulders slumped in disappointment. 

This was madness, she had asserted to herself just last night to have no more of this foolishness. How quickly she had forgotten! She would go and see Maz this Sunday and put all this nonsense behind her.

With a sigh, she shut the curtains and got back into bed, rearranging the mess of covers. She was wide awake, but considering her dreams, a Penny Dreadful would be unwise. She lay in the dark for a little while, eyes staring blankly at nothing, before getting up again and lighting her lamp. The bible seemed like a safe bet, so she occupied her mind with the old testament, and soon her eyes were drooping.

Snuggling down with her lavender pillow, hoping the familiar scent would ward off further strange dreams, she closed her weary eyes.

It was again with great reluctance that Rey entered the parlour the next day. It was perhaps a vain hope - that once it was clean and bright and things mended or replaced, it would be a welcoming space once more. But she didn’t know if whatever lurked beneath the surface could simply be cleaned up, or washed away. Briefly, she wondered whether they ought to entreat a priest to perform an exorcism, then shook her head in disgust, it wasn’t truly haunted… was it?

Doubt set in, despite how she prided herself on tending to think rationally. Could there be a restless spirit occupying the space? Was that what had broken the ornaments and torn the cushion and wall paper? She took a sharp gasp in, hand going to her throat as her roving eyes fixed on the chaise lounge, on the…  _ on the blood _ . 

With a terrified yip, she walked backwards until she reached the door, scrabbled for the handle, and let herself out, unintentionally shutting the door with a bang. She stood staring at it, breathing deeply as her heart hammered in her chest and her less than rational side screamed at her to leave this house and never come back. 

Some secrets weren’t worth knowing.

“What is wrong?”

The frantically spoken words took her completely by surprise and she let out a small scream, almost levitating as she turned, only to clap her hand over her mouth when she saw it was Lord Ren.

Once more, she was forced to look at him half dressed. His dark hair looked as if it hadn’t seen a brush yet today and he was just in trousers and shirt, the shirt was only halfway buttoned up and his pale, chiseled chest was on display. 

She had been right -  _ firm _ .

As she stood frozen, he closed the space between them, eyes searching her face, as he asked roughly, “Are you ill?”

Rey came to understand that there was a place beyond mortification, there was no appropriate word for what she felt in that moment.

“I-” she cleared her throat, voice hoarse, “I am sorry if I disturbed you, Lord Ren…” she tapered off, endeavouring to find a plausible explanation that wouldn’t make her sound absolutely ridiculous. All she could come up with, however, was - “There was a spider.” Instantly, she regretted it and hastily added, “A very big one.”

Lord Ren’s dark eyes studied her and she could read their disbelief, and remembered, with another flood of horror, the time he  _ thought _ she’d lied to him. Now she really had.

She swallowed thickly, suddenly desperate for a cup of tea and for her eyes not to be staring at his bare chest.

His lips parted for a moment, eyes narrowed, then he shook his head, and stepped back a little. “Tell Hux I’m ready for breakfast,” he ordered.

Rey watched him as he walked back up the stairs, only just now noticing that his feet were bare. What must he think of her?

Mr Hux was in his office, and was clearly surprised when she made Lord Ren’s request, and upon reflection, he was certainly up a lot earlier than usual.

Once duty was served, she collapsed in a chair in front of the fire, and sipped luke-warm tea from the pot left over from breakfast.

What,  _ on earth _ , had possessed her? Where had all her good sense gone? Her priest mentor had once told her with great conviction that the only real ghost, was the holy ghost, and she had no reason not to believe him. 

There were no ghosts, there were no wolves in England, no truth in dreams and no good reason to be thinking about Lord Ren’s bare chest. These were all absolutes. The only mystery here, the only one that mattered, was what was happening to her. 

Clearly, today was not a day to tackle the parlour. There was, however, any number of things she could be doing.

As Lord Ren would be taking his breakfast in the dining room, now would be a good time to nip into the library to dust and sweep and lay a fire if Mr Hux hadn’t yet done so - sometimes their duties overlapped and it was difficult to tell when or where that would be.

It was still odd, to her, how up and down her routine was, how she was permitted to almost govern herself and her duties. Most of the time she liked it, but today, she knew she ought to be moving on with her task of setting the parlour to rights, and yet…

The library door was half open, which was unusual, but she was still startled to find Lord Ren standing by the window, the now familiar red chenille blanket pressed to his nose as he made strange chuffing sounds.

Silently, Rey backtracked, let herself into the morning room, shut the door and slid down it to sit on the floor.

She felt like she may be losing her mind, or that what she had seen was perfectly normal behaviour for rich people and was simply something she had never come across before, but was completely ordinary. 

Or she had gone quite mad.

Every time her path collided with Lord Ren’s, her brains seemed to scramble like eggs.

Maybe she should write to Lady Solo, maybe she should leave this blissful, wonderful, mysterious place and go back to the smoke and stink of London. Maybe she didn’t belong here.

_ Maybe _ , and  _ why _ and  _ what if. _

It was impossible to think sensibly here.

With a sigh, she got up and quietly left the morning room, heading below stairs and out of the back door, down to the water's edge and out of sight of the house.

Her mind was clearer here, the cool calm water a mirror that quelled the rebellion in her head and enabled her to think with some clarity.

What she had considered while sitting by the fire earlier, was sound, she needed to get a grip, impose more of a routine on herself, read the bible every night before bed and visit Maz for a more effective tea. A walk everyday if she could manage, as fresh air and exercise were beneficial and good for the spirit. She was better than this, stronger than this, she would prevail, and nothing, not even Lord Ren, would stop her.

Stop what, exactly, she didn’t delineate.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *gasps* OMG they touched hands! 
> 
> **Authentic Victorian Chocolate Pudding**
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**
> 
> 225g chocolate  
150g breadcrumbs  
1/2 pint milk  
150g butter  
120g caster sugar  
3 eggs 
> 
> **METHOD**   
Melt the butter and chocolate together, and then add the breadcrumbs and the milk. Keep stirring it over the heat until it becomes thick. Separate the eggs and cook up the yolks with the sugar, then combine this with your chocolate mix. Whisk your egg whites and then fold them into your chocolate batter. Line a pudding bowl with butter, and pour in your mixture. Add a circle of baking paper on top, and secure some cloth over the top using twine. You can bring up the edges and tie them into a handle. Place it into a pan and fill with water until it reaches halfway up the bowl. Steam for about an hour.


	12. Chapter 12

Rey gave herself a day's grace and stayed below stairs for the remainder. There was perpetually plenty to do and Dopheld always seemed pleased to have her around. He was such friendly, uncomplicated company, in spite of his oftentimes nervy demeanour. It may have been vanity, but she thought he had grown less so the more they became friends, though perhaps it was that he was merely becoming comfortable with her presence. 

Whatever it was, it was welcome, and unlike Poe, Dopheld would listen if she suggested doing something a different way to normal.

After her turbulent morning, the day was pleasant and productive and by the time it came for them to retire, Rey’s mind was collected and relaxed.

That didn’t dissuade her from taking a mug of Maz’s tea, however, in the hopes her night would be calm, too.

_ They were in the woods again. This time she was following the wolf at an easy pace, every now and then, he (somehow she knew it was a he, but how she knew was a mystery) would pause to look back at her, making sure she followed, but he never let her get too near. _

_ Unlike last time, they were not heading towards light, they were going deeper into the trees, the vegetation growing thicker and more dense. As they went, the wolf’s golden eyes grew more luminous the darker it became. _

_ Although they travelled for what seemed like hours, she never felt tired. She did stumble a fair bit, bare feet less able to steady her as she stepped in holes or over thick branches fallen to the mossy ground, or as twigs and brambles caught at her dress. _

_ Soon, it was too dark for her to see beyond her nose, and she stopped, disoriented and confused by how impenetrable the darkness had become. For a moment, she was afraid her wolf had left her behind, disappeared into nothing, leaving her alone… but then his eyes flashed, merely a few feet away and she breathed a shaky sigh of relief.  _

_ The howl still took her by surprise, the long-drawn-out desolate cry brought tears to her eyes. Despite her being here with him, it told her that he still felt alone, abandoned, rejected. She felt as if she had failed somehow and though she reached out, desperate to comfort him, her fingers caught nothing but air. The eyes were gone, as was his presence, but his voice continued to echo in her ears… _

Of course, she opened her eyes in the dark of her room, to hear howls outside. She refused to indulge her imagination, however, and resolutely remained in bed, doing her utmost to ignore the sound as she wiped her wet face.

Curling on her side, she rested her cheek on her lavender pillow and closed her eyes, breathing the familiar scent in. It was weakening, she would either need to buy some more of the dried flowers or asked Mr Hux if Lord Ren would not object to her cutting some from the garden. She was sure Poe would do it for her in an instant, but she didn’t wish him to get into trouble.

Eventually the cries in the dark faded and she slowly drifted back to sleep. While her dreams featured no more wolves or anything from her past, when she woke, she was less than happy with them.

For she had dreamt of Lord Ren, of his bare chest, her cheek pressed against it as large fingers combed through her loose hair. His other hand had been resting at her waist, too familiar,  _ too welcome,  _ while his singular scent, that she was now so well acquainted with, filled her head. 

It was absolutely unacceptable. As if she didn’t have enough to contend with, without adding dreams of any man, let alone Lord Ren, on top of everything else.

What made it worse, was that it was his fault,  _ not hers, _ imposing his under-dressed presence on her the way he had yesterday or flaunting his strength as he had when fixing the stable. She chose to gloss over how she had foolishly slept with his blanket and that she had found the scent of him comforting. 

No. From this moment on, she decided she would keep her eyes on the floor as much as possible, when she was unfortunate enough to be in his vicinity and completely ignore the way he smelled, too.

Today, when she entered the parlour, she absolutely refused to be affected by a  _ room _ . Head held high, she strode towards the windows, flinging them wide open so the fresh air and sunshine could come in, determined to chase away any lingering vestige of darkness.

As she worked, she hummed or sang, snatches of hymns, popular ditties or anything that sounded cheerful.

Occasionally she would feel the creeping fingers of doubt or suspicion try to worm their way through her deliberately upbeat demeanour, but she did not allow them any traction.

Soon, the room smelled of vinegar, beeswax and turpentine and it began to feel like she would conquer this after all.

She was so focused on her task, that she forgot about lunch altogether until Dopheld came to find her. 

Stopping to eat seemed somewhat trivial, so she waved him away, keen to do as much as was humanly possible while things were going so well.

Dopheld came up a short time later with a sandwich and a cup of tea, and frowned at her until she paused to eat.

By dinner time, (which Dopheld absolutely insisted she went down for) she was exhausted, sore and stiff but deeply satisfied with her progress. As it was a normal night, she chose to keep going until it was late enough for her to have a bath. According to Mr Hux, Lord Ren had spent the entire day abed, so she felt confident she wouldn’t be interrupted, (though of course she told Mr Hux of her intentions, to be absolutely certain). 

Eventually, it got too cold to have the parlour window’s open and it wasn’t long after that that she started to feel dizzy with the strong scent of turpentine and brass polish.

With a resigned sigh, she tidied away her things and went down to the kitchen, where Poe had put the bathtub in front of the fire for her.

Her aching muscles complained greatly as she filled the tub with water and set up the modesty screen but it was worth it as soon as she slipped into the hot water. Well, warm water anyway, it was difficult to make it really hot but it was still blissful being immersed and once she had soaked for a reasonable amount of time, scrubbing the dirt and grime from her skin and cleansing herself with her soap felt wonderful.

As usual, she dried and dressed in her nightgown, emptied the tub, then sat by the fire to comb out her hair. It was getting very long, and was shinier and thicker than it had been in London which she was sure was due to the lack of smog and how pure the water was here. The two thick plaits she braided it in were now halfway down of her back. It had occurred to her that it would be less bothersome if she were to cut it, but she had always hesitated - dim, vague memories of her mother or some other woman who had cared for her, brushing her hair, held her back, though she couldn't say forwhy. 

As she crept softly up the stairs, she noticed that the library door was open a crack, the light of a fire glowing.

Mr Hux must have forgotten to tend to it before retiring. With a long-suffering sigh, she set her bundle of clothes down, rolled up the sleeves of her nightgown and entered the library.

It wasn’t until she had walked around one of the large wing-back leather chairs that she realised the room was actually occupied. 

Lord Ren was slumped in the chair, his long legs stretched out by the fire, chin resting on his shoulder at an awkward angle, fast asleep.

The harsh lines of his face were relaxed, gentle almost, but there were deep shadows beneath his eyes, he looked utterly spent, worn to a ravelling. 

Her heart softened a little, the room was none too warm - the fire was fairly low and stoking it would likely wake him, which she definitely didn’t wish to do… but, he had been kind enough to cover her with a blanket when he had found her in a similar position. The red chenille was on the opposite chair, so as carefully as possible, she covered him with it, barely breathing as she did.

There was no indication he was aware of her as she gingerly tucked him in, but as she pulled away, her wrist was gripped so tightly she gasped.

He made no other move, but his eyes were now wide open and staring straight at her, gaze intense.

For a frozen moment, they stared into each other's eyes, before Rey attempted to pull her wrist free. It was an utterly futile effort, he didn’t even seem to notice, just continued to regard her.

“I am sorry I disturbed you,” Rey stuttered, in the hopes that he would remember himself and set her free, “Would you like the fire stoked?”

A ripple of some unknown expression passed over his face, before it firmed and to her relief, he released her.

Rey stepped back and Lord Ren sat up, just now noticing the blanket and for a brief moment, she thought she saw his lips twitch upwards, though later she was sure she had imagined it.

Finally, he looked away, glanced at the fire then back to her, taking in her nightgown and damp braids and the blush painting her cheeks deepened.

“I can tend to the fire, Miss Johnson, go up to bed.”

For some reason, the fact that he had told her to go to bed, made her feel distinctly disconcerted, there was something unseemly and intimate about it.

Not trusting herself to speak, she bobbed a curtsy and left, gathering her bundle of clothes before darting up the servants stairs as fast as she could.

That, of course, was why she was a trifle breathless when she dived into bed, it wasn’t the warm impression of his fingers upon her wrist, or the deep, quiet tone of his voice, or the intensity of his eyes.

When the light was out, she was grateful that her exhausted body pulled her into sleep almost immediately, and if she dreamed, she did not recall any details when she awoke to morning.

That Sunday afternoon, Rey set out to walk to Collierhagg Beck to see Maz. She went alone, guiltily not telling Poe or Dopheld where she was going, merely saying she needed some fresh air and exercise. Although she disliked lying, she didn’t want anyone but Maz to hear of her wolf-dreams or that she sometimes heard howling in the night when no one else did.

It was very rarely that Rey confided in anyone, indeed, previously, it had only ever been her homemade doll or the priest. 

Not that she often had any secrets to share, her hopes and dreams had been shaped and encouraged by the priest, then whispered in prayer after his death.

This secret weighed heavily on her, and though part of her was eager to tell someone, another part was nervous of the reception. Something told her that Maz would be the least likely to judge her harshly for it, though.

It was sunny but there was a cold wind blowing as she walked as briskly as was sustainable along the Penrith road, surrounded by bushes and trees and accompanied by the singing of birds she was as yet unable to name.

When she reached the small culvert in the road, she turned off it and attempted to remember the route Dopheld had taken her the first time she visited.

Unfortunately, she had been paying more attention to her feet and the birdsong rather than their path, so it took her a little while to find the right way and it was the smell of wood smoke that finally set her right. As before, little bells chimed at her arrival and the front door was wide open.

“Come in, Rey, tea is ready!”

Rey jumped at the confident voice, unnerved by how the eccentric little woman had known it was her.

As she cautiously entered the chaotic home, she caught the movement of a walking stick being waved about in the air and carefully navigated her way around benches, piles of herbs, books and other odds and ends, towards it.

She found Maz in a small clear space by a low fire, sitting in one of two small chairs with a rickety table between them. She was pouring tea out of an earthenware pot into two simple clay mugs.

“Sit down, sit down,” Maz ordered as she added milk to the tea, “Show me the goods.”

Folding herself into the remaining low chair, Rey frowned, “The goods?”

Maz airily waved her hand, “Whatever is in that package.”

As a friendly gesture, Rey had made some biscuits that morning and taken some with her for Maz as a gift, though again, she was at a loss as to how Maz could have known such a thing.

As she passed over the biscuits wrapped in brown paper and string, Maz handed over her tea. It was a dark brew, strong and satisfying and slightly smoky.

“Oh, well,” Maz cooed as she opened the biscuits, “Lovely, lovely, lovely. Thank you for your offering, girl. Now, what can I do for you?” she squinted at Rey over her glasses, “You seem slightly untethered.”

Having no idea what, ‘ _ untethered _ ’ could mean, Rey shrugged slightly, “The tea you made has been helping with the unpleasant dreams, but there are some... strange dreams that keep coming back to me, and…” she trailed off, uncomfortable under the unwavering stare Maz had pinned on her as she chewed a mouthful of biscuit.

“These are most excellent,” the little woman pronounced, then leaned forward, “But you have yet to finish your sentence.” 

After taking a fortifying gulp of tea, Rey blurted, “And I keep hearing a wolf howling at night.”

“Ah,” Maz said quietly and sat back in her seat, “And what are these strange dreams of?”

Although Rey had suspected Maz wouldn’t treat her like a loon for what she had said, it was still a surprise not to see ridicule or pity on her features.

“The dreams are of a wolf, a black one with golden eyes, we are always in a wood, walking or running, and,” she bit her lip, “I think it is the same wolf I hear when I wake. I’m going quite mad, aren't I?”

Maz cackled, though not unkindly, “Nay, dear child, you’ve just tapped into something beyond your ken.” she cocked her head, “Have you seen him? The wolf? When you hear him howl?”

Rey shook her head, frowning as she thought, “I thought once, perhaps I saw a shadow run into the trees, but I couldn’t say for certain and it seemed ridiculous - no one else hears it!”

“Do they not?” Maz asked her gently and Rey frowned even more.

“Well, no? I asked Dopheld once but he said no and no one else has mentioned it, and surely they would, if a wolf was roaming around Ullswater?”

“Hah! Men usually only see what they wish to, and if there is something they cannot explain, they pretend it is not real,” Maz said slightly derisively.

“So you believe me?” For some reason, this left Rey feeling more confused. 

“I hear him too, child,” she said, “I imagine many locals do, but because he has never been seen and no livestock goes missing, they all chalk it up to the mists or dreams.”

“Then, are my dreams… why am I dreaming of him?”

“Ah, well,  _ that _ , I really couldn’t say,” Maz said before taking a bite of biscuit and sighing happily, “Though I will say that you do dream of him, is significant.”

Rey had come to Maz for clarity, for help, but her bewilderment was only growing, “Significant how?”

Maz settled herself more comfortably in her chair before replying, “Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘ _ Improbable but not impossible _ ’?” she asked, beady eyes now fixed upon Rey, who shook her head. “Well, you cannot do what you believe to be impossible. Yet, once it moves from impossible to the realm of merely improbable - in theory almost anything can happen. I imagine you travelled from London to Penrith in less that a day, yes?” Rey nodded and Maz continued, “What do you think someone from a time before trains were invented would have thought of such an idea?” she paused as Rey considered that, before carrying on after a few moments, “Now, you were so convinced a wolf being here was impossible, that you persuaded yourself you were ill or going mad - now, how do you feel after being told I hear the wolf, too? It has become merely improbable.” Maz smiled, “So, anything else can be improbable, too.” 

Rey sat silently for a while, trying to order her thoughts amid the shifting sands of her assumptions, compared to her experiences. 

There were certainly strange things in the world, mysteries and myths, magic tricks which looked impossible but were achieved somehow, and some things that merely were, without any explanation at all. Just because she couldn't explain something, didn’t mean it did not or could not exist. 

It was a mindset that was at odds with how, ironically, a man of God had coached her. The miracles that Jesus was said to have performed, those were impossible, were they not? Turning water into wine? So, improbable, not impossible.

The walk home was at a much more leisurely pace as her mind turned over and over, trying to work out what Maz had thought was significant. The woman had refused to be drawn out on that particular subject, which caught Rey’s curiosity all the more.

What Maz’s information said for the wider issue, Rey still wasn’t sure how to process - there was a wolf, or she and Maz both heard one anyway. Though Maz had not been dreaming of a wolf, just hearing one howl.

Of course, it was entirely possible that Maz was quite as mad as she seemed, which would mean Rey was also mad.

She needed more information, ideally, she needed to find out if other people heard the wolf too. If she could find others, perhaps a few more, then she could know for certain.

Maz had already made up a new tin of sweet-sleep for her before Rey arrived, and just before she left, she added a few things to it in light of their conversation.

Even if it didn’t stop the wolf-dreams, it would still help her relax and sleep more peacefully, so it was very welcome.

One thing Rey hadn’t told Maz, was about the two dreams she had had of Lord Ren. She didn’t think she would ever tell anyone about those,  _ no _ , she would take them with her to the grave. Perhaps, if she were lucky, the new ingredients in the sweet-sleep would banish them. 

Out of the two, she would much rather dream of wolves than men. 

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, this isn’t betaed, so if you spot any mistakes, please do let me know, I’d really appreciate it ♥ 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments ^_^ you guys are too kind ♥


	13. Chapter 13

Slowly but surely, Rey renovated the parlour into a habitable space again. There were some things that she was unable to rectify - the stains on the chaise longue were resistant to everything she tried, so she concluded it would need to be reupholstered, which was something she didn’t have the skill to do.

The rips or marks in the wall paper, she ended up covering with pictures moved from elsewhere.

The smashed vase was beyond repair, which was a shame as not only did it look expensive, (made of frosted glass decorated with beautiful gilt flowers and vines), it was one of a pair. 

The mantel clock face could be repaired by a clock-smith, and she had handed it over to Poe to take to Penrith when he next had an errand there.

Everything else, she was able to mend, even the ripped cushion had been painstakingly sewed together, then placed so the repair was hidden.

The last tasks were cleaning and polishing the smallest ornaments and curios, which was very labour intensive and rather slow going. 

For this, she had moved a table and chair close to the open windows, and sat with a breeze caressing her cheeks as she worked on returning everything to its former glory.

The most difficult job had been the chandelier, grease and dust were always a terrible combination and with it being made up of some many tiny pieces, each of which required a lot of work before the crystals shone as they should, it took a lot of time and effort. When she had finally finished it, she had to take a few days break, keeping to simple chores while her back recovered from the awkward angles she had been forced to hold as she worked on it.

It had been worth it though, to see it hoisted up, crystals catching the light of the sun and throwing scintillating sparks all around the room like some sort of magical enchantment. 

Since her visit to Maz, Rey had had no further wolf-dreams and more importantly, no more of Lord Ren.

She did wonder if perhaps the wolf had moved on from Ullswater, but looking back, he did seem to only make himself known at intervals. Knowing little to nothing about wolves, or most animals, she had no idea if they roamed a long way, only coming near Varykino a few days a month, or if the animals only howled at certain times, perhaps to do with finding a mate? Oddly, that thought had made her blush and she quickly moved on from it. 

Since his one furious visit, Lord Ren had avoided the parlour and after the strange encounter in the library, Rey made sure to avoid him.

Unfortunately, one Tuesday afternoon in early June, their paths crossed once more, in a most uncomfortable and indecorous manner.

Rey had been up to Dockrey with Poe, who had then gone on to Matterdale on a private matter. The walk back to Varykino was all downhill and very pleasant, so Rey hadn’t minded one bit, well, not until the clouds abruptly chose to burst open when she was half-way home.

The rain was so heavy she had to retreat under the largest tree she could find, already dripping as she tried to shield her purchases from the inclement weather. 

It wasn’t cold, but she still found herself shivering as she miserably tried to decide her course of action - did she stay here in the hopes it would be brief, or did she attempt to run all the way back to Varykino? Staying where she was, made sense in the short term, but she still found it difficult to read the weather here, and could not be certain of the likely duration of the downpour. Running downhill in the rain sounded like a recipe for disaster, but if she didn’t run, she would be thoroughly soaked by the time she made it home.

The tree, (she had never learned the names of trees, but it was big and leafy) was keeping her mostly dry for the moment, so she huddled against its trunk, hoping for some mercy. Even the lessening of the rain would be a blessing at this point.

Some of the damp had seeped through to her skin, increasing her shivering, and she began to reconsider her plan to wait.

Presently, her ears picked up the sound of a horse's hooves and she moved a little away from her shelter to see if it were Poe come to rescue her.

It was not Poe, nor anyone she recognised straightaway and besides, they were riding a huge black horse, so she shrank back out of sight, not wanting to be seen as she very probably looked like a drowned rat at that moment.

The rider was protected by a greatcoat and hat and seemed unaffected by the rain, trotting at an easy pace, until he drew abreast of her position, that was when something very odd occurred.

The rider reined in, sitting perfectly still in the saddle, even as his mount snorted in protest, then his face lifted slightly, tipping up and slowly turned to exactly where she was standing.

It was Lord Ren.

And she was almost certain he had located her by…  _ sense of smell _ .

His face lowered back to it’s normal position and he stared straight at her for a moment, before riding closer and bending down so he could see under the tree's canopy.

“Miss Johnson.” 

He sounded disapproving, as if being caught in the rain was a choice rather than a misfortune. “How long have you been here?”

“Lord Ren, I ah,” she would absolutely not apologise, “Since it began.”

“You’re wet,” he observed, then extended his hand, curling his fingers at her, “Come. I will take you home.”

Rey frowned, did he want her to walk alongside his horse? It would perhaps shelter her a little, but not by much. “Thank you, but I am sure it will soon stop, and I do not wish to inconvenience you.” 

“Don’t be foolish, if you stay out in this much longer you may become ill, Silencer is sure footed and it will not take long.”

Understanding dawned;  _ was he… on his... with him? _ Rey suddenly felt light headed and swayed slightly where she stood, placing a hand on the tree trunk to steady herself.

“I couldn’t possibly…” she stuttered, mind gone blank with shock, “I do not think… it wouldn’t be proper!”

If she had not been staring at him, she would have missed the very brief roll of his eyes he made, before narrowing them at her, “Your lips are blue, Miss Johnson. I doubt we will pass anyone else on the road, I quite insist.”

“I have never been on a horse before, I will probably upset him,” she tried desperately, “I am sure the rain will stop soon.”

Lord Ren’s mouth tightened and Rey realised that there was no way out of this without appearing to be insolent. While he wasn’t her master, he  _ was _ still the master of Varykino. With a quick prayer for her nerves and a plea for the immediate cessation of the rain, Rey left the cover of the tree and cautiously stepped onto the road and up to the side of the horse, who seemed even bigger now that she was close to.

“Don’t be nervous, Silencer won’t hurt you.” Lord Ren shifted in the saddle, then casually reached down, snaked a long arm around her waist and just hauled her upwards like a sack.

Rey went with a surprised squeak, blinking as rain dripped into her eyes from her bonnet as she was settled in front of Lord Ren, legs and skirts draped over one side of the horse.

Although she was cold and wet, heat bloomed in her cheeks, even as she shivered. Lord Ren adjusted them slightly, undoing his greatcoat and draping the sides over to cover her.

She sat in stunned silence, unable not to be aware of the warmth of his body or how hard it felt against her.

Taking the reins in one hand, Lord Ren nonchalantly curled one of his arms firmly around her waist and they started off.

To her chagrin, Rey clutched his arm for balance, convinced that any moment she would fall off and probably die. If she didn’t die of embarrassment first, that is. She felt quite faint, hot and cold at once.

“You really are shivering.” 

Lord Ren observed quietly, so close to her ear that Rey flinched in surprise. At that moment, she didn’t have the wits to answer him, merely pressed her teeth together so they didn’t chatter.

True to his word, Silencer made quick time and before long they reached the stables and the mounting block made getting off the horse much less unsettling than getting on.

While she had planned to hurry as fast as was humanly possible into the house, Rey found herself so light-headed she had to lean against the stable wall.

“Are you ill?” slowly she looked up to see that Lord Ren had dismounted and was standing before her, frowning.

Why had he helped her, when her very presence usually infuriated him beyond reason? 

With an effort, Rey pushed herself upright, she swayed as soon as she did, but she gently shook her head, “I am quite well, thank you for your kind assistance, Lord Ren.”

Dropping him a courtesy proved to be her downfall. Or rather, it caught her in the lie as she almost fainted. 

As she had sat upon the horse, she had vaguely thought that the day could not get any worse, but she found that she had been mistaken when Lord Ren picked her up and carried her into the house.

If she had been sensible, she would have simply expired right there, death by mortification, but she felt distinctly odd and dizzy, so she continued living as he placed her in one of the chairs in the library and covered her in the chenille blanket. 

This, she thought vaguely, really was becoming a habit.

“I think she may have fainted or come close.”

Rey’s eyes drifted open at the sound of Lord Ren’s voice, remembered where she was, what had happened, and tried to shoot to her feet.

It turned out to be a bad idea as her head swam and she sat back in the chair with a gasp.

“Slowly does it, Rey,” Mr Hux told her as he knelt in front of her and she found that her embarrassment could increase. “Do you feel well enough to stand with aid?”

“She needs to get out of those wet clothes,” Lord Ren stated from somewhere close.

While he was correct, those words, said by  _ him _ , made her think she may truly die right then. She wondered absently why he was even still there, now that someone else was.

With a deep breath, Rey sat up properly, “I think I can stand, yes. I am so sorry, sir, I don’t know what came over me.”

“That’s quite alright, Rey,” Mr Hux stood and offered her his hand, which she hesitantly took and let him gently guide her to her feet. “I will escort you upstairs, just in case you feel faint again. Dopheld is making tea and will bring you a cup when it is ready.”

This was too much, “Oh, no, I am sure I will be fine to come downstairs, sir, there’s no need-”

Lord Ren cut her off, “You fainted, Miss Johnson, twice I think. You will stay upstairs and rest for a few hours, at the least.” 

Rey turned wide eyes to Lord Ren’s firm, masterful expression and then back to Mr Hux, whose expression was carefully blank.

With a small nod, she took a few steps, but once more she found herself swaying and had to grip the top of the chair to steady herself.

“You’ll fall if you walk up like this,” Lord Ren declared and then without so much as a warning or a by-your-leave, he bent down, curled an arm under one of hers and the other behind her knees, and simply picked her up.

The world tilted alarmingly and Rey gasped, flinging her arm around his neck to make her feel more stable.

“Really, Kylo I don’t think-” Mr Hux began only to be cut off.

“She is obviously unsteady, Hux,” Lord Ren said calmly, though his voice had become slightly gravelly, “This will save time and possibly a fall.”

So saying, Rey was carried out of the library, trying not to faint, _ again _ , because she was now unable to smell anything other than Lord Ren and feel nothing but his arms holding her against his body. She was unsuccessful, which may have been a boon, as she didn’t have to bear witness to being carried or placed upon her bed. 

Mr Hux gently shaking her arm had her eyes opening, blinking in confusion before recalling where she was and how she came to be there. To her great relief, Rey found that Lord Ren was not with them.

“I am sorry Rey, but I do think you ought to change, you are quite wet,” Mr Hux said apologetically.

“I will…. Um, thank you for your assistance, and I am so sorry for the inconvenience,” she said as she carefully sat up.

“No inconvenience,” Mr Hux said as he walked to the door, “I will remain outside, just in case you faint again.”

For a moment, Rey just sat there, trying to process the bizarre turn of events before getting off her bed and changing out of her wet clothes. 

When she was dry and dressed, she stripped the sheets from her bed as they had become a trifle damp, then let Mr Hux know she was alright to go downstairs for tea. He frowned, but allowed her to, though only on the proviso that she take his arm. 

And so, she found herself sitting by the fire in the kitchen, with a blanket on her lap and a cup of tea and plate of bread and butter, being scolded by  _ Dopheld _ of all people, for not taking better care of herself.

It was utterly absurd, as if one could die from a trifling little chill or could predict with certainty the way weather could turn. Had they expected her to simply instruct the rain not to fall?

Once her third cup of tea was finished, she would hear no argument against her at least helping with dinner. Dopheld grumbled but gave way when she just started peeling carrots.

That night, she absolutely dreaded going to sleep, for fear of what her dreams may torment her with. Or rather,  _ whom _ .

Despite this, she was exhausted and went upstairs early, after Mr Hux insisted. She remade her bed with sheets that were dry, waiting for her cup of Sweet-sleep to brew, hoping against hope that it would protect her from dreams of Lord Ren.

It wasn’t long before she fell into a deep sleep, devoid of dreams until early in the morning, when of course, she dreamt of Lord Ren.

Similarly to her previous dreams, she never saw his face but she just knew it was him, the body pressed against hers, curved around her, felt the same as it had on the horse, she knew the bare arm that was holding her at the waist, thumb idly stroking over her nightdress as lips pressed soft kisses up and down the side of her neck. The scent of him surrounded her like his body, and she suppressed the desire to stretch and hum with pleasure, because this time she was aware of herself, to some extent anyway. But when his kisses turned to nibbling she could no longer suppress a wanton hum of delight.

It was that, that pushed her into waking, cheeks red with anger and humiliation and worst of all, disappointment. Disappointment that she had woken up.

Rey lay back with a frustrated sigh and stared up at nothing; no matter how she tried to avoid Lord Ren, she always slipped up somehow, and the result was always uncomfortable. She had no idea why he affected her so, or how she could put a stop to it.

It was possible that Paige or Rose could advise her, but it would be difficult to conceal the identity of whom she was trying to become…  _ unattached  _ from, for want of a better phrase. This predicament was entirely new to her, and was bewildering to say the least.

Her turbulent thoughts prevented her from going back to sleep and she resorted to going down early for a cup of tea, as her throat was a little sore and she didn’t wish to become ill after all the fuss everyone had made yesterday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, bridal carry, so cliché ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments! ^_^   
Btw, if you think I have missed out on tagging anything, or that the rating should be different, please do say so, I’m terrible at that sort of thing.
> 
> If you’re enjoying this, I have other fics, some wips (6 including this one) but everything else is complete.


	14. Chapter 14

For once, Rey’s wishes were granted and she suffered nothing but a slightly sore throat and headache. She informed no one of this fact and doggedly carried on with her tasks, until a few days later she stood looking around her, surprised to find that she had finished her labours in the parlour.

Everything that could be cleaned was clean, everything that should be polished, shone. The furniture was arranged properly, the pictures and portraits were where they belonged and everything looked fit to show company.

There was still something about the room that made her dislike it, but it was nothing she could put her finger on and it was still a vast improvement to the oppressive and melancholy atmosphere it had emanated when she began.

It was a slightly strange feeling, to know that she had achieved what she had set out to do. Her aim had been to get as much done before she was sent away, and if possible, to make the entire ground floor worthy of Lady Solo visiting.

Only, she hadn’t been sent away, she had fitted in, made friends, fallen in love with the house and countryside, made it her home… and it looked as if she was here to stay. Lord Ren had made no mention of sending her away since that awful business in the billiard room during her menses.

While she had been content with her life when she worked for Mr Plutt, simply grateful to be free of the workhouse and have employment along with her own room, she had not felt the deep belonging that she did at Varykino.

Eventually, she would surely become accustomed to Lord Ren’s peculiarities and learn to not be affected by him, though it may take her a little while.

Now the parlour was finished, she went and found Mr Hux, so he could inspect it before she put the now clean dust sheets back on the furniture, in case he thought she hadn’t done something properly.

“You truly are a wonder, Rey,” Mr Hux said as he walked around the room, sharp eyes roving over everything.

Beaming, Rey bobbed a curtsy, trying not to feel too proud, “Thank you, sir. Though I am afraid the chaise longue will need reupholstering, which I do not have the skill for, and I do not think this vase,” she brushed her fingers gently over the article in question, “Can be mended.” 

Mr Hux’s wandering eyes settled on the broken vase, “A shame,” he shook his head as he gathered up the pieces, “I will enquire about the chaise longue, Lady Solo may have some ideas about how it should be done.” He smiled as he looked at her, “I will inform her of how hard you have worked and how glad we are that she engaged you.”

Rey ducked her head shyly, heart so near to bursting she was unable to reply with anything other than a, “Thank you, sir.”

“Not at all, Rey. I am happy for the sheets to go back now, if you would.”

He left, taking the pieces of the broken vase with him, and Rey set about closing up the room. Although she didn’t like the room as much as the others at Varykino, it was still sad to be hiding it away from life once more, but it was pleasing to know that when it came to be opened up again, it would only require airing out, a sweep and a dust.

As the  _ Great Clean _ had been completed, she fell back to cleaning the rooms in use, cooking, and aiding her fellows in their tasks. Even with her pet project completed, there was always plenty to do with a house that size, even though the inhabitants were few.

As summer bloomed, the kitchen garden exploded with life and she helped Poe with some of the work harvesting and taking care of the plants.

It was nice to work outdoors, the fresh air and kiss of the sun on her skin was delightful, as she picked broad beans or helped pull carrots out of the rich soil.

The best thing was the first of the strawberries, Rey had never had fresh ones before and she almost cried after Poe urged her to just eat the first one she picked. The flavour burst on her tongue, mouth prickling as she hummed lowly, eyes closed, ignoring Poe as he laughed at her.

One day, when she was helping to weed around the peas, she felt him come up and turned to see him carrying a chain of daisies in his hands.

“As you’re the queen of peas, I felt you ought to have a crown,” he said with a grin as he gently placed the flowers on her hair.

Rey rolled her eyes, “Thank you. For my first decree, I would like you to make less crowns and plant the brussels sprouts and cabbages, as you claimed you would.”

Poe huffed, “You’re no fun! I see the power has already gone to your head. Eat a strawberry, they’re medicine for misery!”

“If I eat a strawberry every time you tell me to, there won’t be any left for Lord Ren, or the others.”

She thought she heard Poe mutter, “And the man could certainly do that sort of medicine,” before saying at a normal volume, “Fine, fine, but please will you be making a cake or biscuits soon?”

“Will dessert be acceptable?”

Stroking his chin, Poe nodded sagely, “Yes. Yes, that would do very nicely.”

Rey stood, brushing the soil off her hands, “In that case, I better get to it. Unless you have need of me?”

“No, no,” he emphatically shook his head and made shooing motions, “Away with you, dessert is much more important than weeding.” 

With a laugh for his antics, Rey left the kitchen garden and washed her hands at the outside pump near the stable before going inside.

As she turned away, she was confronted by Lord Ren, yet again catching her by surprise and she vainly wondered if she was going slightly deaf, or if a man his size really could move so silently. 

He looked absolutely furious.

“Lord Ren,” she blushed slightly as this was the first time she had properly seen him since her fainting spell, “May I help you with something?”

“No,” he told her curtly, and narrowed his eyes, “You have flowers in your hair.”

“Oh, yes,” was he angry she wasn’t wearing a cap? Feeling slightly confused, she reached up to pat her hair and removed the daisy chain.

He remained staring at her a moment longer, expression now shuttered, almost glazed, then extended a huge hand to gently tuck a wisp of hair behind her ear.

Rey remained frozen as he did, her heart a quick pitter-pat in her chest, then blinked as Lord Ren suddenly whirled around and stalked back into the stable. She stood there, dumbly staring after him for a moment before stirring herself and going back to the house.

“That’s a nice daisy chain,” Dophled observed as she entered the kitchen, “Are you finished helping Poe for the day?”

“Hmm?” Rey placed the daisies on the table, unsure what to do with them now and still very bewildered by what had just happened - could she have simply imagined it? Absently she re-tucked the strand of hair behind her ear.

“Rey?”

She looked up at Dopheld.

“I asked if you were finished in the garden? I found a stain on one of the master’s shirts that I cannot seem to get out, if you wouldn’t mind looking at it?”

Rey blinked, then nodded, “Of course, just let me whip up some meringues to go with the strawberries this evening and I will go and look as soon as I am done.”

This seemed to interest Dopheld a great deal, and he watched carefully as she separated the eggs and vigorously whipped the whites until they were stiff, then added the sugar.

The beauty of meringues was that they required only two ingredients, and were easy to put together if you knew how and had a strong wrist.

Mr Plutt had enjoyed Mont Blanc on meringue and she had the idea of doing a variation using strawberries instead of sweet chestnut purée.

When the egg white and sugar mix was in the oven, she and Dopheld went to the laundry room. The shirt was made of lovely fine, soft material, so unlike its stiff owner, and the scent that was so specific to him still permeated the material, even though Dopeheld had already tried to remove the stain with soap and water. As she examined it, she breathed a silent sigh of relief, the little fear that the stain may be blood turned out to be wrong, it was clearly just ink. 

“Please would you put the kettle on? We will need boiling water for this.”

Dopheld disappeared and she found the bottle of citric acid, carefully using a bone spoon she pressed a teaspoon of the acid onto the ink spots, then moistened it with water to check that the ink was bleeding properly. When Dopheld brought the kettle in, she simply poured the water over the stain until it ran clear.

“That is all you need do for an ink stain,” she told him with a smile, “But be sure to use the bone spoon, as the acid will tarnish anything else.”

They had paused for a quiet cup of tea after finishing the rest of the laundry and Rey was pensively curling the insistently loose wisp of hair between her fingers.

“Dopheld? Has Lord Ren ever…” she floundered around for the right words, “Has he never been courting?”

A strangled gulp indicated that Dopheld’s tea had gone down the wrong way and she put her own cup down so she could pat him on the back.

When he regained his composure, slightly red faced, he shook his head, “No, I, ah, do not believe he is the courting sort.”

Rey frowned, “But he is most eligible, surely? He has wealth, his family has rank, his temper may be poor but he is not unpleasant to look at...”

She trailed off as Dopheld once more choked on his tea and again she patted his back. “Perhaps he would be less miserable if he were to find a wife?”

With a very certain shake of his head, Dopheld coughed briefly and sat up straight again, “No, no, his illness prevents him from moving in society, so I do not think it likely that he will ever marry.”

That seemed so strange, because while Lord Ren clearly was ill, it wasn’t all of the time, there was a definite pattern to his malady, one that surely could be worked around? She let the subject go, however, as judging by Dopheld’s sudden jumpiness, he was very uncomfortable talking about it, though forwhy she wasn’t certain.

“Where did your crown go?”

Rey looked up from her tea to see Dopheld frowning at the table, where the daisy chain had last been.

“I don’t know,” she answered curiously as she looked around, “It was here when we went to the laundry room.

Such a small thing should hardly matter, but they couldn’t find it anywhere, which left her a little sad as she had planned to press and dry it for a keepsake.

The meringues turned out well, and were very gladly received. She had pressed them into little nest shapes before baking, and served them with whipped cream in the centre and the freshly picked strawberries on top. 

It all felt very summery, as they ate with a warm breeze coming through the windows, carrying with it the scent of the grass and fresh water, and the song of birds.

Whatever good fortune had led Lord Skywalker to stop and address her that fateful day, she thanked it silently.

Life here was incredibly good.

Whenever she was cleaning upstairs, laying fires or in one case, answering the front door because Mr Hux was out, she would cross paths with Lord Ren.

It seemed almost as if he were purposefully doing so, often approaching her without her realising until he spoke, or in one instance, taking down a book that she had been straining to grasp on her own.

A change had come about him, but not his monthly mood swing - for by her calculation (if she had reckoned correctly, anyway) that wasn’t due for a week yet.

She lost count of the amount of times he caused her to jump and she was starting to wonder if he were making a sport of it.

The unfortunate result of seeing him more, was that her… attraction? No, no, her unwilling fascination by him, continued, rather than dwindled as she had hoped. 

She kept telling herself after each encounter that it couldn’t last forever, that his dark stares would lose their hypnotic quality someday soon, but it felt like a hollow reassurance.

Even though she made every effort to avoid him, he would unerringly appear, even sometimes materialising in the kitchen gardens, ostensibly to inspect Poe’s progress, but it felt as if he were there because she was… which, she realised, was  _ absolute nonsense! _ What on earth was she thinking? Of course Lord Ren was not there to see her and of course he appeared in the rooms she cleaned, because it was HIS home.

Rey wondered absently if Maz could make a tea to un-swell her head, because clearly she needed it! Where this self-importance had come from, she wasn’t sure, but it was ridiculous and she really ought to know better.

After that stern talking to, she made every effort to avoid eye contact and tried not to interact with him, even if he was in the same room, politely answering him if he spoke to her but otherwise staying silent.

It proved to be surprisingly hard not to look at him, especially when he made her jump, but she did her level best. 

When he started slamming doors and snapping, it was almost a relief, because his deep voice, when he spoke quietly, had started to make her feel a glow in her chest, and between the butterflies in her stomach and the often elevated beat of her heart, she was in sore need of respite.

Yet even while he was so out of sorts, he didn’t stop appearing, and strangely he didn’t snap at her if they spoke.

Perhaps it was just calming for him, to be near a woman, maybe men were more comfortable around women when they were unwell, used to their mothers, (or in Lord Ren’s case, presumably a nanny), tending to them when they were children? She didn’t know for certain, but she thought if she asked Dopheld, he would just choke on his tea again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you were concerned, Poe and Rey are/will only ever be friends in this fic. The slow burn is real, but we are getting there (sorry, I feel like I said that ages ago!   
Also, some of you have asked for a Kylo POV, originally this was just going to be from Rey’s POV, that won’t change as such, but I am writing a sequel/companion piece from Kylo’s POV.   
Also, Rey won’t be turning, some people wondered if her being ill a few times and fainting meant she was, but it’s not the dynamic I wanted to go with, sorry if that disappoints people.   
Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, do feel free to ask any questions you may have, though I won’t answer any that could spoil what is to come. ♥


	15. Chapter 15

The day of the much anticipated boat trip (which incidentally was also the first of the three days where they were required to retire early) dawned bright and beautiful.

It was midsummer’s day, so the rule of being home before the sun set could be stretched to its limit (that was a mischievous idea of Rose’s). 

That morning, Rey baked a seed cake, pleased to have finally been able to buy some caraway seeds. It was one of her favourite recipes, and she thought it would be a nice addition to their picnic.

Mr Hux had generously given Poe, Dopheld and herself the afternoon off together and they were all very excited about it, well, she and Poe were, Dopheld seemed mainly nervous, but still wished to join them.

As they were having a quick lunch, shouting erupted upstairs and they all paused to look at one another. There was the customary slam of a door, but then heavy steps on the stairs had them all flinching simultaneously and shooting to their feet.

“Dameron!” Lord Ren barked as soon as he burst into the kitchen with a tight-eyed Mr Hux behind him. “I need you to drive over to Penrith to pick something up for me this afternoon,” his glare turned on poor Dopheld, “Mitaka,” he seemed to flounder slightly for a moment, then with a renewed ire declared, “Silencer needs his tack cleaning and polishing. I want it done today, I shouldn’t even need to ask.”

His eyes fell on Rey and she braced herself for her own term of sentence, but oddly, he huffed slightly, nostrils flaring, _ in front of everyone _, then spun on his heels, brushing Mr Hux aside, and stomped back up the stairs.

There was a shocked silence, then to Rey’s astonishment, Poe spat angrily, “What in the hells prompted that?”

Mr Hux shot him a quelling look, then shook his head, “It doesn’t matter what it was, you have your instructions,” he turned to look at Rey, “ I am afraid it seems it will just be you and the Tico’s today.” 

Rey frowned as she looked between Poe and Mr Hux, “We could postpone the trip? Perhaps try next Sunday?”

Poe’s mouth tightened, but he shook his head, “No, the weather is perfect, you should see Ullswater at her best, Rey. I am sure we can go another time.”

“He’s right,” Dopheld sighed resignedly as he collapsed back into his chair, “Go and enjoy it and tell us all about it this evening.” He looked at Mr Hux, “Though I am sure the master usually insists on cleaning his tack himself.”

Mr Hux shook his head, “It is his prerogative, ours is not to question why.”

A huff and snort of derision came from Poe but he didn’t otherwise comment as he sat back down and Mr Hux disappeared upstairs again.

It was difficult not to feel guilty over being allowed to go on this trip when her fellows could not, but Rey was secretly glad that they hadn’t taken up her offer of postponement - she had been so very much looking forward to the trip and couldn’t help but be excited despite this turn of events.

“At least there’s cake,” Poe said in an effort to sound cheerful.

She smiled, “There is, and barring three slices to take with me, it's all yours, what Lord Ren doesn’t know won’t trouble him.”

Her reward was a flash of a smirk from Poe, though Dopheld merely sighed and nodded.

When it came time for her to leave and go and meet Paige and Rose, she felt rather nervous. For one, she had never been on a boat, and while she had met and exchanged conversation with the sisters, she hadn’t spent a lot of time with them on her own. What if she ran out of things to say? What if she made a fool of herself?

To give herself some added confidence, Rey changed into her church attire rather than her other casual outfit. There would be other passengers on the trip and she didn’t wish to embarrass the Tico’s, or herself. In a few months time, she hoped to buy a new dress or outfit and retire her shabby dress for good.

Her church attire consisted of a high necked white blouse and a jacket and skirt of matching grey blue. The jacket was done up with black buttons and she had embroidered the collar and cuffs with a simple black vine leaf pattern. It wasn’t anything special, but it was smart and fit well, (though her corset had to be done rather tighter than she wore for work). Her gloves were black as was her chatelaine purse and paired with her good black hat, which had a small quantity of feathers adorning it, she felt very respectable.

As she left the house, the sensation of being watched came over her and she looked back expecting to see Dopheld come out of the stables, but there was no one there. Poe had already left on Lord Ren’s errand and she knew Mr Hux was in his office… with a shake of her head, she resolutely avoided looking back, even though the feeling returned as soon as she started walking again.

The nearest pier was ten minutes away, not far from the mouth of the Aira Beck and Rey was relieved to see Rose and Paige were already there, (though she hoped she had not kept them waiting). Their faces lit up, then fell slightly as they noticed that she was alone.

“Lord Ren has taken up being the Big Bad Wolf again, I take it?” Rose asked malapertly.

Paige smacked her sister’s arm, “Hush! Don’t be impertinent where people may hear you!”

_ Big bad wolf? _Something tickled the back of Rey’s mind, but stayed hidden when she turned her thoughts to it. 

With a sigh, Rey nodded - considering the scene in the kitchen earlier, it wasn’t a inequitable description, “He suddenly, quite out of the blue, had jobs for Poe and Dopheld,” she shrugged, “I don’t know why I wasn’t included, but both Poe and Dopheld insisted we should go without them,” she hesitated, then shyly added, “I hope you aren’t too disappointed it is just me.”  
“Of course not!” Rose exclaimed, “It will be nice, just us ladies. Men discuss the silliest things and Poe talks too much anyway.”

Paige smiled fondly at her sister as she shook her head, “It will be lovely I am sure, but do try and speak at a reasonable volume, dearheart, you weren’t born in a barn.” 

The boat, a steam powered pleasure cruiser named the Lady of the Lake, arrived, and they walked along the slightly rickety pier so they could pay their ticket and embark.

The lovely weather meant that there were quite a few people already on board, as well as those who waited on the pier with them, but there was still plenty of room to find a seat under the canopy so they wouldn’t have to squint in the sunshine.

When the boat began to move, Rey felt her stomach drop and she grasped the rail by her seat, unnerved somewhat at the odd motion, but as Rose and Paige chattered on, she relaxed and the strange feeling dwindled to something she could disregard. 

It was a wonderful way to see the countryside and felt quite odd seeing views she had gazed at for hours, from another perspective. 

The chuffing of the steam engine was rather like a train and coupled with the gentle swish of the water, it was rather relaxing. 

After the boat paused at the Glenriding pier and they were on their way again, they bought cups of tea from the saloon and sipped them on the deck as the high fells faded behind them and the lake opened up again as they headed for the next stop at Howtown.

“Ullswater really must be the most beautiful place in the world,” Rey said, half to herself as she watched wild geese stretch their long necks out as they flew above the water, reflections following them.

“I am glad you think so,” Rose answered with a proud smile, “Only the best people do, you know.”

The prospect from the boat afforded a better view of the shore opposite Varykino, and there were many small becks and secret coves that she hadn’t been able to see before. The shore landscape varied so much, the high fells that kissed the blue sky, the craggy rock promontories that thrust into the water, and sweeping, shingle bays. Lush green trees and ferns hugged the shore in some places, or retreated to allow meadows to thrive, with tall grasses and wildflowers that undulated in the breeze. 

They disembarked at the Howtown pier to stretch their legs and to find somewhere pleasant to have their picnic. 

It was a simple affair, just sandwiches, apples, Rey’s seed cake and lemonade. They walked east and north, so that they were away from Hallin Fell, which close-to hid the rays of the sun, and settled on a patch of grass close to the shore of the lake where they could watch the boats and birds on the water.

Both Rose and Paige turned out to be keen birdwatchers and helped Rey put names to many of the birds that up until now she had been unfamiliar with. 

The conversation was easy and relaxed, and once they had finished eating, they went down to a little bay and attempted to skip stones across the surface of the water. None of them managed to achieve more than a few bounces, but it produced much jollity even in failure.

They embarked once more at Howtown Pier and took the route to Pooley Bridge to see the rest of Ullswater. They remained on the boat to make the journey home, simply mirroring the outgoing route, though that did not mean it was dull and there wasn’t anything new to see - Ullswater was a veritable feast for the eyes and balm for the soul, and Rey didn’t imagine that opinion would ever change.

As they were leaving Pooley Bridge, they had a clear view of the lake all the way up to Hallin fell and Rey noticed with concern that the sky was growing dark as clouds descended off the heights.

“Ah,” Rose said with a sigh, “It never ceases to amaze me how the weather can turn on a sixpence.” 

As they came closer and closer to Hallin Fell, the breeze turned cold while the sun hid behind the clouds, and they were forced to sit inside the saloon and warm up with cups of tea.

They were still able to watch as the lake and land went by them, and Rey marvelled at how different a place it looked to a few hours before. Of course she had witnessed these sorts of changes in the weather since living here, but it was still fascinating nonetheless.

What did concern her, though, was that with the dark clouds, it was likely that Lord Ren would deem that the sun setting would be earlier than she had allowed for. Which was very careless on her part - she really ought to have had the foresight that this may happen. 

At any other time of the month, to arrive home a little late may be negligible, especially by Mr Hux, but during this time, Lord Ren would doubtless notice her absence and be very displeased by it.

She tried not to let her anxiety show and to enjoy this contrary character of Ullswater, but by the time they were sailing by where Varykino would be if the mist weren’t so thick, she was nervously chewing her lip.

Then disaster struck - due to the mist, the captain informed everyone that they would not be sailing from Glenridding to the Aira Force pier and everyone was to disembark at Glenridding.

“What will we do?” Rey asked in dismay, “It must be miles back to Varykino by road and even further to Dockray!”

Paige pursed her lips, her pretty face marred by a frown, “I believe it is over two miles for you and almost four for us.”

“Yes, but Glenridding will have a cab we can take, they often congregate there when a mist comes down,” Rose gave Rey a warm, reassuring smile, “Don’t you worry.”

Rey reflected that Rose didn’t quite understand what living with Lord Ren was like, not worrying was impossible at that moment.

Still, worrying about things out of her control was wasted energy, (or so she told herself, that didn’t mean it relieved her concerns though).

On reaching Glenridding, there was a rather uncivil rush to disembark, and in the press there was a sudden cry as Rose slipped alighting on the pier.

Luckily, if there was any to be had, thought Rey somewhat grimly, she and Paige prevented Rose from falling to the ground, and they supported her back onto the boat to sit for a moment.

“Are you hurt?” Paige asked her sister worriedly, even as her eyes darted over her figure.

Rose shook her head, cheeks flushed with embarrassment, “No, no, I am fine. Just clumsy of me!” but as she went to stand, she winched and fell back into her seat, “Actually, I think I may have turned my ankle, it is rather sore.”

Rey and Paige glanced at each other, then Rey stood, “I will go and see if I can engage a cab to come up to the pier to save you walking.”

She left her basket with them, and walked swiftly down the long pier and up the lane to the road, but with their delay, all the available cabs had been taken.

When she returned with the bad news, she found the sisters chatting with the captain. After greeting him as politely as her agitation allowed, Rey informed them of the lack of cabs.

“My dear ladies,” the captain addressed them with a smile, “One of my crewmen lives in Dockrey and once he is done with his tasks, I am sure he would be happy to take you in his trap. It will be a wait of an hour or so, but I can offer you my office to pass the time in, if that is acceptable?”

Both Rose and Paige beamed at him, unconcerned it meant such a delay to their plans.

“Oh, thank you Captain Canady, we would be most obliged,” Paige said as she stood and went to help Rose.

Captain Canady called over a crewman to give Rose an arm and take them to the aforementioned office.

As they walked, all Rey could hear in her head was a clock ticking, getting louder and louder as each moment passed.

Once the crewman had left them sitting in a rather cramped cabin that smelt of cigar smoke and pitch, she turned to the sisters.

“Will you forgive me if I do not wait with you? I am so awfully late, and I think if I walk quickly, I will get back to Varykino faster. If I don’t I will meet you on the road and you may laugh at me, but I think if I sit and wait I will go mad with worry.”

“But, Rey,” Paige said, her eyes huge, “The mist is so thick, what if you get lost? Or come upon someone unsavoury?” 

So far, Rey had yet to meet anyone to cause her concern in Ullswater, some people were peculiar or prone to superstition, but no one had felt threatening, other than Lord Ren of course. At that thought her stomach flipped uncomfortably, if she didn’t at least attempt to get home faster, she felt as if he would somehow know and judge her all the more harshly for it.

She had to do this, she already knew she would be in for trouble and the longer the delay the hotter the water was likely to be.

“So long as I stay on the road, I think the mist won’t be too much of a problem,” she answered, more confidently than she felt, “And I could always hide if I hear someone coming that I don’t like the sound of, the mist will make that easy, at least… but may I leave my basket with you? I think I will walk faster without it.”  
  


And so Rey found herself on the road alone, shrouded by mist and silence as she almost jogged her way along. Recalling her jumpiness of the first time she had walked in an Ullswater mist, she recited psalms in her head as she went. Occasionally she would have to slow down, her tight corset making it hard to breathe, but she didn’t stop, merely slowed to a walk for a while before speeding up once more.

Although she knew she would be exhausted and rather clammy when she arrived home, she kept going, as the seconds ticked by, rushing ever nearer towards the possibility of dismissal and the end of her new life at Varykino.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuuuuun!!!  
The Lady of the Lake launched on Ullswater in 1877 and is still in use today. She is believed to be the oldest working passenger ferry in the world.  
The map is of Ullswater so you can plot Rey’s journey ♥ 
> 
> While **Rich Seed Cake** was enjoyed by the Victorians, I could not find an authentic recipe, so here is my version (still tastes good!)
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**
> 
> 8 oz SR flour  
8 oz sugar  
8 oz butter  
4 eggs  
1 oz caraway seeds  
½ teaspoon nutmeg  
½ teaspoon cinnamon
> 
> **METHOD**  
Grease a large round cake tin or line it with parchment.  
Cream the butter and the sugar together, then alternatively beat in the eggs, one at a time and some of the flour, spices and caraway seeds until all is mixed together.  
Put in the tin and bake for about an hour on 180 or 40 mins on 160 for a fan oven.  
This keeps well and is delicious with a cup of tea.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW/TW: threatening behaviour (not by Kylo) see authors notes at the bottom if you are concerned

Occasionally the mist would part, and Rey would be surprised by the light of the full moon, sailing white and bright in the velvet black sky, but those moments were fleeting.

It was frustrating being unable to tell how far she had come, and how far she had yet to go, but she was comforted by the fact that she would recognise the bridge that marked the lane to Varykino.

At some point (it was difficult to tell how long she had been travelling), she was alarmed to hear a howl split the silence. She came to a shuddering stop, frozen in horror, because this was the first time she had heard that sound and been  _ outside _ .

Before she could tell herself that it was simply her overactive imagination, another howl came, it sounded closer, though how close it was impossible to guess.

Maz had told her that no livestock went missing, at least none that weren't accounted for, so surely that meant the wolf wouldn't prey on people? 

The thought didn’t particularly comfort her at that moment, and she started moving again, going as quickly as she was physically able. 

The sound didn’t come again, but she felt as if she were being watched, a prickling between her shoulder blades and up her neck, a shiver of unease over her skin.

Perhaps it was because she was going too quickly, or that her eyes were busy darting from side to side as she scanned the hedgerows and trees for movement, that she didn’t see the man till she was almost upon him.

She managed to arrest her motion but almost tipped over in doing so. A long fingered hand curled around her forearm to hold her steady and she looked up into the cold eyes of a tall, slender man, but on recognition of his clerical attire, she breathed a silent sigh of relief.

“I am so sorry, please forgive me,” she gasped, startled and out of breath.

She stepped back to give the man space, but he didn’t release her arm and now his clothing did nothing to reassure her. There was something skeletal about his spindly shape, something menacing in his mien and the way his pale eyes studied her.

“There is nothing to forgive, child,” he said, voice soft and cultured but threaded through with iron, “Are you in need of assistance? You seem frightened and it is not a good time for young ladies to be out alone.”

“Oh,” Rey said, flustered because she could not pull out of his grasp without exerting a large amount of effort, which would feel foolish, “I am on my way home - the Ullswater boat stopped at Glenridding on account of the mist and there were no cabs to be found.”

“What ill-fortune,” he tucked her hand into his elbow and turned in the direction she had been going, “Allow me to escort you home, it is my duty as a gentleman and a man of God.”

His smile failed to add any warmth to his face, if anything it made her feel even more uneasy.

“I could not possibly trouble you, I think I must be close by now and wouldn’t want to take you out of your way.”

“Nonsense, my dear,” he started walking and she had to do the same or risk being dragged, “But forgive me, I must introduce myself, I am Reverend Snoke of Matterdale.”

There it was, that must be the reason she felt nervous -  _ this  _ was the man that Poe told her hated Varykino and its owners, the man who had slandered Lady Solo and her family and was the reason she herself had lapsed in attending church.

“I am-” she gave the slightest pause, then inwardly winced as her manners dictated her response, “Pleased to meet you, Reverend Snoke, I am Rey Johnson,” she bit her lip, then added reluctantly, “I am in service at Varykino.”

The grip on her hand tightened, “You work at Varykino?” his voice was sharper now, “For _ Kylo Ren _ and his ilk?”

When he said Kylo Ren, his pointed tone had oozed contempt and Rey found herself wishing for an empty road and howling in the distance.

“I work for Lord Ren, yes, though I was engaged by his mother, Lady Solo.”

He tutted and shook his head, “Dear child, that house is not a safe place for you, or any good person. I happen to be in need of a maid at present, indeed this meeting is most serendipitous, perhaps even a gift from God so I may help you out of a bad situation.”

Rey bit the inside of her cheek briefly to remind herself not to be rude, but she just could not allow this stranger, reverend or no, to speak of her home like that.

“That is… very kind, but you are quite mistaken, I am very happy at Varykino and am glad to be there.”

Mr Snoke tutted, as he came to a stop and faced her, “My poor child, already bewitched,” his cold, slender fingers cupped her cheek and she couldn’t suppress a shudder of revulsion in response to such over familiarity, “Have they already defiled you?” 

Rey sucked in an appalled breath and tried to pull away, but his grip on her had become vice-like. “How  _ dare _ you-!”

“Have they already tasted the carnal delights of your flesh? Were you willing?” his hold moved downwards till his fingers were wrapped around her throat as he leaned in until he was but a breath away, “Did you fall from the path of the righteous, or did you  _ jump?” _

Rey was attempting to push him away, but it was like scrabbling at a rock or trying to uproot a tree and the pressure upon her throat was making it impossible to emit anything more than frightened whimpers.

“It is written on the doorway to paradise that those who falter and those who fall, will pay the ultimate price”, he pronounced fervidly, “By sword and by flame.” 

With her recent jogging, tight corset and now being choked, Rey was becoming light headed as she attempted to struggle and get enough air to continue doing so. But nothing seemed to help her.

“ _ Repent!”  _ Snoke spat, his voice growing manic and his eyes burning into hers, “Repent with me and you shall know the mercy and forgiveness of God.” He slowly began pushing her downwards, as if he wanted her to kneel right there in the road.

That was when she truly panicked, up until then, she had tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, had wondered if this were some sort of mad impromptu sermon, but the danger felt real and urgent, so much so she could  _ taste  _ it. 

It was time to fight for all she was worth.

If only now was the time Rose and Paige would appear or Poe and Mr Hux come to search for her or anyone at all, even the wolf would be preferable.

It was at that moment, as if her wish were granted, that she heard a growl, it was low and deep and utterly thrilling. She couldn’t see anything, her sight was eclipsed by Snoke, but her ears drank in the sound as it morphed from a warning growl into a viciously guttural snarl.

Something large impacted Snoke and the second he let go of her she staggered away, heaving in breaths of sweet air as she regained her balance… and that was when she saw  _ him _ , when she finally laid her eyes upon the wolf. Whether this confirmed she wasn’t mad or simply that her insanity had taken a turn for the worse, she hadn’t the wits to consider right then.

The creature was huge, black as pitch, with huge white teeth that were currently sunk into Snoke’s arm, golden eyes flashing in the dim light… she stood frozen for a moment, stock still with shock, then reality came crashing in and she turned tail and ran.

It was perhaps not a very Christian thing to do, to leave a man alone to be savaged by a beast, but she experienced no pang of guilt as she ran as fast as was possible. 

It felt as if her feet barely touched the ground, her skirts gripped in her hands, uncaring of the amount of leg she was showing or that her hat was no longer on her head and her hair was coming loose to whip behind her in the wind of her passage.

When the bridge came into view she almost broke down, but there was that prickling feeling again, the one of being watched or hunted and she dared not stop or turn, for fear that she was right, that the beast had finished with the unfortunate Reverend Snoke and was going to make her dessert.

Finally, Varykino emerged from the mists, a lantern burning bravely in the front porch like a beacon and she ran straight towards it.

As she reached it, she dared a glance back, for a moment, there were eyes, golden and luminous staring back at her from the darkness, her hand twisted the door knob and she practically fell through the door, trembling like a leaf as she shoved it closed again and sank to the floor as her strength and breath left her. 

“Rey?”

Rey jumped, gasping and holding her hand to her already frantically hammering heart as Mr Hux came into the hall, face deeply lined with concern.

“My goodness, whatever is the matter? Are you hurt?”

At first, Rey only had the strength to take deep breaths and shake her head and when she felt able to speak, her mouth and throat were so dry that she coughed instead.

She barely registered that Mr Hux had left her until he returned to press a glass of water into her shaking fingers. 

The water helped calm her, that and Mr Hux’s steady presence and the inherent safety of the house.

“I am so sorry, sir,” she was able to say eventually as she tried to gain her feet under her, but ultimately failed, “I know I am awfully late, but the-”

Mr Hux held up a hand and she stopped, “That doesn’t matter right now, I want to know if you are hurt? You came in as if you were being pursued?”

Rey bit her lip, unsure how much to divulge - after all, how much of it was believable? That she had been attacked by a clergyman or effectively rescued by what looked suspiciously like a wolf?

While she didn’t wish to lie, she felt as if the truth (as she had witnessed it, anyway) would seem more of a lie than an actual lie, it was somewhat of a paradox.

She gave herself time by accepting Mr Hux’s hand to help her to her feet and straightening her clothes as well as she was able.

“I was on my way home when I… met, ah… bumped into Reverend Snoke?” she bit her lip again, “He was rather, ah, unpleasant and I was eager to get home.”

Mr Hux frowned, opened his mouth, then closed it again, only to open it once more, “I can see how that would be upsetting,” he said slowly, “He is a most unpleasant man. You must be awfully tired, I believe Dopheld left you a sandwich and cup of tea in your room. Why don’t you go to bed and we will speak further in the morning?”

It was like he had spoken a magic word, with an effort Rey stayed upright but she could feel an impending collapse on its way, her exhaustion trying to swallow her whole now her nervous energy was swiftly dissipating. 

“Yes, or course sir,” she said softly as she made her weary way to the stairs, “Good night.”

“Good night, Rey. I hope you sleep well.”

Although she was hungry, Rey barely managed a sip of cold tea before her fatigue won her over. As she closed her eyes, half asleep already, she thought she heard a lonely howl but it could have just been a precursor to a dream.

If she dreamt that night, she wasn’t sensible of it when she woke again, still enervated, and every muscle stiff and aching. Added to this was a headache that throbbed in her temples like the tolling of a great bell.

Miserably, she roused herself, washing and dressing slowly as if she had aged thirty years overnight. As she went to leave her room, she found a note had been slid underneath the door. It wasn’t Mr Hux’s hand, she knew that immediately, it was very elegant penmanship whereas Mr Hux’s was neat and simple.

With a thick swallow, she perused its contents, it was short and to the point -

_ _

After such a tumultuous night, she was unable to prevent tears from filling her eyes. This was it then, she thought wretchedly, Lord Ren was going to dismiss her and likely write to his mother to dissuade her from employing her herself.

With a short, bitter laugh, Rey realised she could always go to Snoke, (if he was still alive, of course), to take up his offer of a position. 

Dejectedly she cleansed her face of tears and left her room to trudge downstairs. 

The library door was ajar, she almost lost her nerve, half tempted to just run back upstairs, pack her things and escape out the back door, but she was made of sterner stuff than that. She would at least try to argue her case, however inconceivable the idea was that Lord Ren would deign to hear her.

Gathering her courage, Rey knocked on the door.

“Come.”

With a dry swallow and a quick straighten of her apron and cap, Rey opened the door and with no small amount of trepidation, stepped through.

Lord Ren was standing by the fireplace, his back to her, large hands clasped behind him. He turned when she was a few feet away, expression unreadable but nonetheless intimidating.

“You wished to see me?” Rey asked, voice embarrassingly raspy. 

He didn’t speak, just stepped closer and she dropped her eyes to the floor, “I know I broke the rule of arriving home before sunset,” she began when he didn’t speak, “But there were extenuating circumstances, you see, the mist -.”

She faltered to a stop as one of his huge hands reached out to gently touch the skin of her neck. At first she flinched at the contact, but when he didn’t comment she finally looked him in the eyes.

They were intense, and for the first time she noticed that there was a little green in them. Unsure how to respond, and feeling not a little mesmerised, she stayed where she was as his huge fingers delicately examined her neck, the movement so at odds with their size.

“Where else did he hurt you?” he asked softly and she blinked, for a moment confused until she surmised that Mr Hux must have spoken to him, though she could not recall mentioning any details.

“Just my arm,” she said quietly, looking back at the floor, off kilter by this version of Lord Ren.

His hand fell away from her neck and she instantly missed the warmth.

“Show me.”

Tugging up her sleeve, she displayed the finger shaped bruises that wrapped around her forearm, looking at them made her realise that something similar must be decorating her throat.

While they certainly weren’t the worst injuries she had ever received in her short life, they shocked her the most. Discipline at the workhouse had been harsh, and on occasion Mr Plutt would lose his temper with her, or Teedo would smack her for talking back, but this had been done by a relative stranger, someone she had thought was the least likely sort of person to commit wanton violence. 

Until now, Ullswater had felt like a place without crime, the only danger being the mists and possibly a wolf, nothing more. 

As with her throat, Lord Ren carefully examined her arm, turning it over in his hands, lightly stroking over the mottled skin, before letting it go.

Upon looking back up, she found him studying her again, full lips pressed together as his nostrils flared slightly.

“It was clearly a distressing encounter and you need to rest, Miss Johnson. I am giving you the day off, go back to bed and sleep.”

At first, all Rey could wonder was why every time he told her to go to bed, did her stomach fill with butterflies and her cheeks flush? It was most vexing - she was normally a sensible person!

Then her mind caught up with his meaning and she was unable not to gape at him in astonishment and her unguarded tongue blurted, “You mean you won’t dismiss me?” before she could think better of it, and she flushed further as a result.

“You must really think me a monster, to conclude I would punish you for being attacked and injured,” his low tone sounded pained, and she immediately felt guilty.

Twisting her hands together, she lowered her eyes and answered quietly, “I was not sure you would believe me.” 

There was the sound of a scoff, but she didn’t look up.

“I will contact the constabulary today.”

At this, she did look up, suddenly afraid, “Please - don’t,” she bit her lip, but kept on, “Don’t trouble yourself.”

His eyebrows, which had been marred by a frown, now climbed upwards, “Why ever not? Even clergymen aren’t above the law, Miss Johnson.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it again, anxious about what she was about to say, on how he would judge her for it, but unable to remain silent.

“There was a wolf,” she blurted finally, uncomfortable but determined, “There was a wolf, or maybe a large dog, he... he stopped Snoke, bit him so I could get away, and I…” she swallowed, “I do not wish him to come to harm.” 

Oddly, his expression softened,  _ lightened _ and for a moment she thought she saw his lips attempt to twitch upwards.

Instead of telling her there was no chance of a wolf being in the area or that the dog was dangerous and should of course be caught, he merely nodded, “As you wish, Miss Johnson.”

The wave of relief she felt was surprising, the creature had scared her, but hadn’t once tried to hurt her, no matter what her fear had whispered in her ears at the time.

“Thank you, Lord Ren.”

He nodded and turned back to the fireplace, and Rey took it as dismissal. Rather than facing more questions in the kitchen, she went back upstairs and ate the stale sandwich from the night before, drank the remains of her tea, then fell into bed with a thankful heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW/TW: threatening behaviour. Rey runs into Snoke in the mist, he holds onto her arm and insists on walking her home, he won’t let go and when he finds out she is working for Kylo, he gets angry and chokes her while trying to get her to kneel… Then a ‘wolf’ rocks up and bites him in the arm and Rey gets away.   
Snoke also verbally abuses Rey somewhat, and makes some slanderously lewd accusations.
> 
> A/N...For some reason, some of Snoke’s dialogue is taken from the song Stars from Les Misérables (sung by Inspector Javert)... it just… happened ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Me starting a oneshot: Hmm, actually probably be a two-shot  
Next day: oh, ah, yeah, probably 3 chapters  
Later: Shit, no, 5, definitely 5 chapters  
A bit later: *facepalms* it's gonna be 8 chapters  
Much later: Dammit, 12 chapters, but that’s the limit  
While writing chapter 16: I give up, it’ll be whatever length it turns out to be.  
Conclusion: Sorry to anyone who started reading this thinking it would be short *giant facepalm*
> 
> (I wrote that ^ before finishing, so don’t worry, this is still 25 chapters. Also, sorry, I planned to update yesterday but my cat (read furbaby) had surgery and I was a nervous wreck!) 


	17. Chapter 17

To her surprise, Rey awoke to find that she had slept the day away and yet she still felt heavy with lassitude. She was also very hungry.

With a sigh, she dressed, hoping she was in time for the evening meal, but when she went to leave her room, she found a tray outside the door, laden with cold cuts, bread, cheese, salad and an apple.

Undoubtedly it had been put together by Dopheld who was of the opinion that she didn’t eat enough; indeed, some of the meat looked like it ought to have gone to Lord Ren’s table, but she didn’t let that stop her.

Feeling rather decadent, she went back to bed with the tray, eating as she gazed out of the window at the deepening sunset. 

It was nice not to have to go downstairs, she didn’t have the energy to make the journey  _ and _ contend with the barrage of questions that would likely follow.

When she had eaten all she could manage, she stayed looking out of the window, her shawl wrapped around her shoulders, though, (she thought somewhat wistfully), it was not as comforting as Lord Ren’s blanket had been.

The moon was just beginning to rise when there was a soft knock upon her door. Pulling her shawl tighter, she hesitantly answered to find Mr Hux bearing a tray with a steaming jorum on it.

He smiled slightly as he handed it to her, “Dopheld insisted you needed a posset,” he explained, his smile slipped as his eyes settled on her throat and she self-consciously tucked her shawl closer. 

“I hope you sleep well, Rey. If you are still unwell tomorrow, do please stay here and rest.”

“Thank you, sir,” she answered quietly, thankful that he hadn’t made any other comment, “But I am sure I will be quite recovered. Good night.”

Although she had never had a posset herself, she had on occasion made them for Mr Plutt, so she was curious to try it and very touched that Dopheld had made her one. 

The warm sweetness of it was soothing and once she was finished she drew her curtains and settled into bed. As a result of sleeping so long, she expected to be awake for a while yet, so she opened a Penny Dreadful to pass the time, only to nod off after only a few sentences. 

_ The green woods were lush around them, the trees more spread out than before and rays of sunlight filtered through the branches and bright green leaves. _

_ Rey was sitting with her back against a large tree trunk, quite comfortable, with her bare feet resting upon a soft carpet of moss. _

_ Perhaps five feet away, lay the wolf, a stray ray of light making his golden eyes glow and shift. His chin was on his paws as he watched her watching him - they were at an impasse, neither willing to flee or pursue, waiting for the other to make a move, yet knowing neither of them would. _

_ It was peaceful, despite the waiting Rey was relaxed, just enjoying being there in the quiet, alone save for the wolf who was yet to make a sound. _

_ After a while, her fingers twitched in her lap - the wolf’s black coat looked so glossy and soft, it had her wondering how it would feel if she were to stroke him, and whether she would lose a hand if she tried. _

_ His large ears flicked, as if he knew what she was thinking about, gaze steady on her as he sat up and cocked his head, as if he were asking her to try, to see, to feel… _

A howl pulled her awake, the sound familiar and no longer holding any fear for her. Getting up, she was rewarded by a black shape on the lawn, sitting with muzzle lifted to the sky as the cry came again. She felt like she knew this animal, as if her strange dreams were true somehow and he was out there, because he was waiting for her... 

Another howl had her mouth turned down at the lonely sound, and she wondered if he would run if she were to go down to him. She had no idea what it was she would do, perhaps find a bone or two in the kitchen for him? But as she turned to go, there was a flash of movement, and he was gone, a shadow lost amongst shadows.

It was probably for the best, she told herself, he was still a wild animal, after all.

The next day she awoke feeling well and rested and ready for work, which pleased her greatly as she hated to be idle and it felt very unfair for her to be given time off after breaking rules, when Poe and Dopheld hadn’t even been allowed on the boat trip.

It occurred to her that if Lord Ren hadn't prevented them from going, she would not have had such an awful encounter with Snoke… but it would be unreasonable to blame him for that, he couldn’t have known what would happen. 

The bruising on her arm had faded to a lighter purple, with yellow and green beginning to show, so she assumed it was the same for her throat. She could have looked in a mirror, but for some reason she chose not to. 

Unlike two days before, she made sure to do her collar up high and tight, ignoring the discomfort and hoping that it hid the worst of it.

“Good morning!” she sang as she cheerfully entered the kitchen, startling Dopheld and Mr Hux.

“Rey!” Dopheld’s eyes roved over her form as if expecting her to be missing a limb.

“The posset was wonderful, thank you,” she smiled at him and then looked at Mr Hux, “I am ready to return to my duties now, sir.”

“I am very glad to see you so well recovered, Rey,” he gave her a small smile, then became all business again, “I do not think the master will be downstairs till much later, so if you would, please attend to the dining room and library this morning. Dopheld, he will have his breakfast later, there is steak in the pantry.”

Whether by good instinct or command, both Poe and Dopheld stayed off the subject of the boat trip and everything that followed, other than to say they were pleased to see her.

Rey appreciated not having to explain herself, though she knew in time she would tell them, as they were her friends… which reminded her of Rose and Paige. 

Over breakfast, she wrote a quick letter, inquiring after Rose’s injury and whether they were able to get home safely, but not mentioning her misadventure in case they felt guilty over letting her go off on her own.

Poe was due to head up to Dockray later that day and she gave him the letter to pass on. It did make her wonder if Rose and Paige had come upon Snoke, she thought Lord Ren would have told her if there had been reports of Snoke’s death, so it was possible they had given him aid. At least she knew they had been in the company of a trustworthy man - she didn’t think Captain Canady was the sort of person who would tolerate anyone who was not.

It felt good to clean and dust and sweep, indeed, she felt so well that Rey wondered if Dopheld had added something extra to her posset, perhaps something from Maz? Either way, she hummed as she worked, first laying a fire in the library and dining room, just in case Lord Ren came down early and was chilled.

When he did emerge, considerably later, he looked exhausted, much worse than she had felt the past two days. Again she wondered what sort of illness plagued him and why it had such a strange set of symptoms.

She had just finished in the dining room when he and Mr Hux entered, the latter carrying a heaped breakfast tray as the former shuffled after him.

Without a word, she silently gathered her things and made to leave. Lord Ren, whose eyes had been fixed on his food, stilled as soon as she was close, turning as if led by his nose until his eyes came to rest on her.

Bobbing a quick curtsy, she departed, his gaze a tangible warmth upon her back.

It wasn’t long after that he entered the library where she was dusting, she hadn’t realised he was there until a small sigh sounded and she turned to find him in one of the leather chairs, his huge form nestled under the chenille blanket.

His eyes were hooded but not closed, and when she went to leave, he spoke.

“Please, stay,” his voice raspy and weak, “Carry on with your tasks.”

Feeling a little self-conscious, she nodded and took up her feather duster once more. Not very much later, there was a soft sound and she turned to see that he was fast asleep. 

As she had observed last time she found him like this, in slumber his face softened, lost its severe cast, making him seem younger and one might almost say beautiful, despite the obvious signs of illness.

Carefully, she tiptoed out, closing the door softly behind her as she went down to the kitchen.

“Are you done already?” Dopheld asked in surprise as she entered.

Rey shook her head, “No, but Lord Ren is asleep in the library and he looked so worn out I didn’t want to disturb him.” 

Ignoring Dophelds stunned expression she took herself off to the pantry to see what was available. As Lord Ren was convalescing, she decided she would make a Brown Bread Pudding, it was a fortifying dessert, beneficial while also being appetising.

As it was eaten hot, she busied herself cleaning below stairs and helping Dopheld with the evening meal.

To her satisfaction and pride, Lord Ren had requested a second serving of the bread pudding, and the others enjoyed it too. It wasn’t the most elegant of dishes, but it was pleasing and hearty. 

Sometimes it seemed curious how Lord Ren could be so unwell, so afflicted, yet also able to eat in such quantities - the few times in her life she had been truly ill, she hadn’t wanted to eat at all, nor been able to.

Still, it was good that he could, perhaps he would be even worse if he didn’t eat during his monthly phases. 

Poe had returned that afternoon with Rey's basket, and a reply from Rose, but Rey had not had time to read it till she retired that evening.

** ** ****

  
  


Rey beamed to herself, holding the paper close to her chest, she was pleased to know that Rose would recover, but especially happy to have such a lovely letter. Part of her was still surprised that Rose and Paige liked her and weren’t bored in her company.

It occurred to her that Rose had mentioned nothing of finding Snoke, or his corpse in the road, so he must have escaped or been aided by someone else… unless the wolf had eaten him? She gave a small shudder and for some reason felt very sure that the wolf would not have found him palatable and would very likely have had indigestion afterwards. It was such a wicked thought a nervous giggle escaped her and she had to cover her mouth for a moment.

It seemed highly unlikely Lord Ren would ever step foot in her little bedroom, so she didn’t burn Rose’s letter, instead adding it to a keepsake box that resided under her bed and contained small, precious things, that would have no value to any but her. 

_ They were closer this time, close enough that she would be able to touch him, if she would just reach out. He looked so sad, his eyes were closed, his head resting on his large paws again as beams of sunlight filtered over him, dust motes dancing in the light. There was no danger here, no peril, just a lonely being who looked as if he had given up, and that broke her heart, wolf or human. _

_ With fingers that trembled slightly in spite of herself, Rey slowly reached out and tentatively touched her fingers to his head. _

_ The wolf froze under her touch, his eyes flew open, but they were not gold but a soft, warm brown, they shifted back to gold after a moment, and he shuffled closer to her. The acceptance and obvious invitation made Rey bolder, her fingers stroking over his silky head and fluffy ears as his eyes closed again, though this time his expression was one of deep relaxation. _

_ They stayed that way for a while, Rey exploring with her fingers and the wolf basking in the attention. _

_ Even in the dream, her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. There was a connection between them, she felt it keenly, though what it meant she could not guess. _

There was no howling that night, at least none that woke her. In the morning, she found herself a little concerned, was the wolf all right? What if someone had gone after him? Some hunter engaged by Snoke? The thought of him coming to harm because he had aided her, cut her deeply.

As usual on days like these, Lord Ren was late downstairs, when he did venture down, he was visibly drained, though he did not appear as haggard as previously. 

He once again came into the library sooner than she expected, which meant he must have inhaled his breakfast. 

When she was finished laying and lighting a fire, she went to leave, but he stopped her. 

“Miss Johnson?”

“Yes, Lord Ren? May I fetch you something?”

“No, no…” he murmured from his chair, “I am correct in thinking you can read tolerably well?”

Rey frowned, “I can, yes?”

A huge hand waved languidly at the opposite chair, “Sit, read to me for a while.”

Had she heard him correctly? “You wish for me to read to you?”

Another vague gesture and she noticed a book of poetry on the occasional table. “Yes, just for a while, if you have no objection, of course.”

This was certainly not what she had been hired for, but… he had been so…  _ kind _ to her, over the events of Sunday, and a small and secret part of her, longed to study his face in repose.

Feeling somewhat shy as she didn’t often read out loud, she awkwardly sat in the leather chair, feeling a little like she was being swallowed by it as she tried to settle herself. It was hard to be comfortable because her feet didn’t actually touch the floor, if she were alone, she would have tucked them up, but that would be unseemly in front of someone else, especially him.

“Page sixty-six,” Lord Ren said quietly, his eyes already shut which made Rey feel less self-conscious.

The page in question was the beginning of The Lady of Shalott by Alfred Tennyson. Rey hadn’t much experience with poetry, the author’s name sounded familiar but she couldn’t place it.

With a deep breath, she started to read. It took her awhile to find the right rhythm, stumbling a little here and there, though Lord Ren didn’t seem offended by it.

It was a sad poem, infused with melancholia and at the line, ‘ _ She knows not what the curse may be,’ _ she paused to glance up; Lord Ren was asleep again and she studied his face, wondering what his curse was and how it might be broken. For wasn’t he locked away, like the Lady? Mysteriously hidden from the world.

With a small shake of her head, she silently closed the book and struggled out of the embrace of the chair. A small noise of distress came from the man in front of her and her fingers twitched - like they had with the wolf, wishing to sooth his frown away... Which was a  _ grossly  _ inappropriate urge and had her exiting the library as quickly as she could, alarmed by how close she had come and how ridiculous it was to compare Lord Ren to a wolf she had petted in a dream!

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I randomly had this song pop into my head during writing this chapter: Loneliness by Tomcraft.  
Also, thank you so much for your best wishes for my cat, he, (Hades), is doing well now, there was an emergency appointment on Sunday for popped stitches, but he is healing up nicely ^_^
> 
> **Posset** a drink of hot milk, egg, treacle and nutmeg (particularly good for anyone ill or mentally exhausted, best taken in the evening before bed.) Jorum: a large vessel for drinking.
> 
> **Authentic Victorian Brown Bread Pudding**
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**
> 
> 200g brown breadcrumbs  
100g salted butter  
Candied peel  
Sugar to taste  
1 tbsp Black treacle or black strap molasses  
3 eggs  
Red wine or brandy
> 
> **For the wine sauce: **  
140ml of water   
2 tablespoons of apricot jam  
30g of caster sugar  
A squeeze of lemon juice   
A glass of sherry or claret
> 
> **METHOD**  
Add the butter, candied peel, black treacle (or molasses) and egg yolks to a bowl of breadcrumbs. Sugar to taste (try 3 tbsp) before mixing well.  
Whisk the egg whites in a separate bowl, then carefully fold them into the mixture (a little lemon juice will help the rise). Pour in the brandy or wine (as preferred) and fold into the mixture once more.  
Grease your mould with butter and spoon the mixture in, being careful not to fill it to the top as the mixture will rise. Cover the open top with a disc of buttered paper, and then tie up in a cloth (or cover with foil).  
Steam the pudding in a saucepan of boiling water for about an hour. Leave the pudding to sit for five minutes before serving and decorate as desired - serve with wine sauce.


	18. Chapter 18

It was remarkable how Lord Ren, heretofore so intimidating and abrupt in manner and rule, could diminish before her eyes, how so large and powerful a man could become so fragile.

It lit a warmth that glowed in her chest, a  _ softness _ ... that she did her utmost to stamp out because it would only make working and living at Varykino harder.

No, she was happy here, she loved the house and her friends and Ullswater, it was all perfect, and she wouldn’t do anything to vitiate her new life.

The cherry trees which had flowered in May, sending pink petals fluttering over the lawn like confetti, were now producing fruit, and after Rey had helped Poe in harvesting, Dopheld showed her how to make jam and cherry brandy. It was exciting to learn the process and Dopheld seemed to enjoy teaching her very much, he was such a sweet soul. It was a messy job to remove the stones from the fruit and by the time they were done, it looked a little like they had committed bloody murder.

Dopheld had gone to help Mr Hux with something after finishing their jam and Rey washed up before going upstairs to clean the billiard room, hall and foyer.

Poe, ever mischievous, informed her completely guilelessly that she was shipshape when she asked him if she had missed anything and so she went upstairs totally unaware that she had cherry juice smudged on her cheek.

The Aspidistra was thriving with the better light and regular watering, and Rey marked it up for another success in bringing things at Varykino back to life.

It’s pot was made of hammered brass with repoussé Egyptian figures around the outside and an elegantly pierced decorated rim. It took a lot of elbow grease, but after a good buffing it shone in a most pleasing way.

As was becoming usual when she was sweeping or cleaning the hall and foyer, the newly repaired grandfather clock made her jump when it tolled the hour. By now she ought to have been used to it, but it never ceased to catch her by surprise. She left out a small squeak, then shook her head at herself and went to stand.

There was another surprise awaiting her when she turned around. Lord Ren, standing in the middle of the hall, leading her to gasp and jump again, feeling absolutely foolish even as she did so.

Trying to save face, she dropped into an awkward courtesy. “May I help you with something, Lord Ren?” 

It felt as if she were asking him that question a lot recently, he seemed to be everywhere. Perhaps it was the warmer weather and extra sunlight?

“How did you wound your face?” his low tone sounded angry, his eyes glaring at her under heavy brows.

Rey blinked in confusion, “Wound my face?” she set down her things so she could pat her cheeks and blushed horribly when her fingers came away with a red stain. She was going to  _ murder Poe.  _

“Oh, no, I apologise, Lord Ren, it is only jam, I thought I had cleaned it all.” What must he think of her? Only children wandered around with food on their faces, naughty children.

His expression lightened and he wandered forwards to sweep his thumb over her cheek and then  _ stuck it in his mouth. _

Rey almost fainted.

“Cherry,” he said, faintly huskily, “I take it Mitaka has made cherry brandy as well, then?”

It was just possible to collect enough of her wits to nod, though she remained mute.

“Excellent,” he said, dark eyes never leaving hers, “Please inform Hux that I’m going out and won’t be back till this evening.” With a casual nod and a twitch of his lips that were stained darker than usual, he left her.

Several minutes later, she was still standing in the same spot, it was like her feet had sprouted roots, but she was fairly certain that if she tried to move, she may simply fall over.

Had the man no sense of propriety whatsoever? Even if he had been cloistered at Varykino since he was fifteen, those formative years growing up with Lady Solo as his mother would surely have taught him that you just  _ did not _ behave that way! It was unconscionable! It was… it was  _ lewd! _

So why was her heart fluttering in her chest? Why was there warmth in her belly and bees swarming inside her head?

It was time for a cup of tea… and she was going to find Poe. 

And murder him.

Before murdering Poe, she went in search of Mr Hux to relay Lord Ren’s message. As she reached his office, she couldn’t help overhearing part of a conversation between Dopheld and Mr Hux.

“It seems a little calmer recently, don’t you think?” 

“He is out there every night, Hux, you need to tell him he shouldn’t stay so close to the house!”

Curious and curiouser. Rey had never enjoyed Alice In Wonderland, it had always felt to her like some sort of twisted nightmare, but that certain phrase was useful… and yet, she absolutely should  _ not _ eavesdrop. It was a sin and always led to trouble.

She made a clatter, to alert them, then knocked on the door and popped her head in, (it wasn’t fully closed, after all.)

“Lord Ren asked me to tell you he was going out and would be home in the evening,” she said as unaffectedly as possible. 

“Thank you, Rey,” Mr Hux frowned, “Are you injured?”

Rey withheld a small noise of irritation, “It is just cherry juice, sir. I must have missed it, I will see to it now.”

As Rey sipped her tea, she purposefully ignored what had happened upstairs and what she had overheard downstairs, and instead ruminated on how she should repay Poe for his deception.

Someone had once put pine cones in her bed at the workhouse as a trick, but there weren’t any pine cones around at this time of year and besides, it would be inappropriate to enter his bedroom.

It is amazing how restorative a cup of tea can be, once she had finished her indulgence of a second cup, she had regained her equilibrium and had a plan.

She poured a cup of tea, adding a liberal amount of sugar and one other surprise ingredient, then skipped out to find Poe in the garden.

She found him lifting potatoes, “I brought you some tea,” she called, “You must be thirsty!”

As she had planned, Poe noticed her still cherry-smudged cheek and smirked, standing and stretching his back before accepting the tea gratefully.

“Thank you, Rey, it certainly is warm today.”

Rey made a general ‘Hmm,’ of agreement and smiled, “I must get back,” with a little wave, she strolled away grinning to herself in triumph.

As she cleansed her face of cherry juice, it did occur to her that her little trick would be rather more obvious than his, but, it was done now and there was no way to undo it. When the honey is out of the comb, there is no putting it back. With a sigh and a shrug, she went back upstairs to finish her tasks, thankful that a certain dark lord wasn’t in the vicinity. 

Later, when Poe came in for the evening meal, his signature grin showed blackened teeth and lips.

“What on earth happened to your mouth?” Dopheld asked, alarmed.

Poe frowned, “What do you mean?”

Rey snickered into her hand but didn’t do it quietly enough and they both turned to look at her with identical puzzled frowns. 

“You should have told me about the cherry juice,” she told Poe blandly.

Dopheld looked between them both, eyes narrowed, then he smirked a little, “You should probably go and look in a mirror, Poe.” He turned to Rey as Poe hurried away, “So he didn’t tell you on purpose, I take it?”

Rey nodded, “After I washed up I asked him if I’d missed any, and he said no. It was  _ Lord Ren _ who noticed and informed me!”

With a deep, exasperated sigh, Dopheld shook his head, then grinned as an indignant squawk came from upstairs, “You put ink in his tea, then?”

“I did,” Rey agreed with a small smile, though she was still a little nervous about how reckless the action had been.

They listened as Poe made his way loudly downstairs and rushed into the kitchen, “I cannot believe you did that!” he half-spluttered, half-laughed, “Touché, Rey Johnson, touché.”

“You deserved it,” Dopheld said, then narrowed his eyes at the other man, “No more now, pax please, we have enough going on here without you adding unnecessary dramatics.”

Poe pouted, which only succeeded in looking utterly ridiculous, and Rey and Dopheld giggled like children.

Luckily for Rey, no trouble came of her trick on Poe, except for him complaining every time he came home from an errand over how people were laughing at him, and Mr Hux drawing her aside to ascertain which ink she had used. 

Mr Hux’s pale eyes had been warm with amusement, and he seemed satisfied when she told him she had used her own ink and hadn’t pilfered it from his office or the library. 

Poe’s teeth stayed black for almost two weeks, much to everyone’s merriment but his own.

Once more, Rey did her level best to avoid Lord Ren. She went so far as to get up earlier than usual, to tend to the library before breakfast in the hopes that it meant she wouldn’t have to look in those dark, intense eyes or be in the overwhelming presence that was Lord Ren.

One morning, she woke up to find her crimson visitor had arrived. With a heavy sigh and anxiety crawling over her skin, she prepared for the day, trying to rack her brains into coming up with an excuse to stay below stairs for the next while. She had no wish of a repeat of last time.

It was uncanny, Lord Ren’s sensitive sense of smell was alarming and deeply invasive. She had never come across any other person with the same ability, she could only compare it to a dog’s.

It made her wonder, not for the first time, if it were related to his illness, or if it was something that ran in his family. It was sometimes said that the nobility were somewhat inbred (she felt awful even thinking such a thing of Lady Solo) so perhaps it could be explained that way?

Because she had risen early, she whirled through the three rooms in use with a quick sweep, dust and polish, decided it would be too warm for fires, then retreated downstairs.

There was plenty of washing to be done, so she spent the day taking care of that and ironing, succeeding in clearing the whole soiled laundry bin. While that was all to the good, it did mean she would have to find something else to do tomorrow as a result.

By the time she retired to her room, along with her cramps, she had a very sore back and dried out hands.

Among the other sundry items for sale at the Post Office shop, Paige made and sold some cosmetics and creams. Rey had previously purchased a little pot of cold cream scented with rose, and she took this out now, rubbing it into her hands with a pleased sigh.

Usually, her crimson visitor was accompanied by bad dreams or nightmares, but happily, Maz’s Sweet-sleep kept them all at bay. 

Toiling over the laundry combined with the debility she experienced whenever her crimson visitor was upon her, conspired to keep her sleeping passed her new wake-up time and she was even a trifle late down to breakfast.

As she so often thought, (in the privacy of her own head), being a woman was an awful lot of bother and inconvenience. It truly was a man's world, and yet God had decided (in his supposed infinite wisdom) to add to a woman’s burden in the form of menses. 

One might almost call it spiteful. 

The day didn’t give her any grace, for she hadn’t been in the library for very long when Lord Ren entered.

She just knew his was there, he made no sound but the feeling of being watched crept over her shoulders and dragged up her scalp like fingers. With a will she continued laying a new fire, though why he was using it at all in the summer was beyond her and she could only surmise that he must stay up very late indeed. 

When she was done, she stood to find him sitting at his desk, his fingers idling with a beautiful chased silver pencil. There was a sheet of paper in front of him and she wondered if he liked to draw or if he preferred for some reason, to write letters with pencil rather than ink.

Then she noticed his nostrils were flaring and she gave him the most perfunctory of curtsies and left the room without dusting.

Even though he hadn’t made any comment, her cheeks still flooded with colour as she took herself off to her room to change her soaked napkin.

Having such an acute sense of smell really didn’t excuse him for not at least  _ attempting _ to be subtle about it.

The encounter put her out of sorts all day, and she reflected that perhaps he wasn’t so very handsome after all. Besides, being handsome wasn’t everything - Poe was fun, Dopheld was sweet and Mr Hux was kind, those were much better attributes in a man than having a beautiful face or strong shoulders.

Much better.

With that in mind, why did her subconscious return to dreaming of him again? If she were going to dream of a man, of such intimacy, could she not dream of a handsome stranger her mind conjured up for her? Someone unconnected to her daily life, that she could dream over and never pine for, because she knew he didn’t really exist?

It was intolerable, this tenderness and affection, these gentle caresses and murmured endearments, because they had the bitter sting of being lavished upon her by a man who… who was so disgusted by her.

Of course even if he wasn’t, nothing could ever evolve between them, it was more the humiliation of knowing how disparate their feelings and stations were.

With a muffled sob, Rey hid under her covers, blinking her stinging eyes as she cursed her dreams and how wrong they were. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had Cruel To Be Kind by Letters To Cleo in my head (originally by Nick Lowe) for some of this… oh and then I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco. Weird day. 
> 
> Sorry I’m so behind in responding to comments, I’ve not been too well and frankly am kind of overwhelmed that some many people are reading this. I love and cherish each and every comment, so thank you and please forgive me for not answering in good time ♥ 


	19. Chapter 19

Falling in lov-,  _ no _ , developing feelings for someone against your will, was insufferable, Rey concluded as she trudged downstairs with a puffy face. 

On the bright side, however, it did mean you slept very little and you could go about your duties nice and early, and so avoid the object of your reluctant attraction.

It was so early that she was done with the upstairs before breakfast time, and took a cup of tea out to the garden. She settled on a carved stone bench as she watched the last pinks of the sunrise give way to blue, reflected in the still mirror of the lake.

It was a view she happily got lost in, for a few moments pretending everything was normal and as it should be, as she watched birds fly overhead and the first few boats set out across the water, perhaps for early fishing.

It occurred to her that her mood always fluctuated during her crimson visitor, sometimes she would be weepy or unusually angry, so it was likely that this was all it was. She would live to get over it and things would go back to how they should be.

Already feeling a little better after that revelation, she went back inside for more tea and fetched the pile of things awaiting mending, taking everything outside so she could sit in the sunshine as she worked.

It felt a little like a holiday, being outside in the fresh air, feeling the warmth on her skin as she busied herself, and she lost all sense of the time.

“Rey!” 

Blinking, slightly startled, Rey turned to find Poe walking over to her, looking concerned.

“Are you well? We missed you at breakfast?”

With a blush, she realised she not only missed breakfast but hadn’t informed anyone where she had gone. “Oh, forgive me, I didn’t sleep well last night so I came down early, what is the time?”

“Almost eight o’clock,” Poe said with a frown, as he looked her over, “Is the Sweet-sleep not helping anymore?”

With a wry smile, Rey shook her head, “It stops my bad dreams,” she bit her lip and decided she didn’t wish to elaborate on any other sorts of dreams, “But If I am wakeful it doesn’t send me to sleep.”

“Huh,” Poe rubbed his chin, “You could try taking a little brandy before bed? Or I can cut you some lavender, people say the scent is restful.”

Never having particularly liked strong drink, unless it was called for in a recipe, Rey dismissed the brandy idea, but beamed at Poe for the offer of lavender. “I would love some lavender, if you’re sure it's all right for you to cut me some.” 

With a blithe wave of his hand, Poe chuckled, “The master won’t care, he probably won’t even notice, don’t you worry.  _ But _ ,” his face became serious for a second, “I will require payment.”

Arching an eyebrow, she asked, “Which would be?”

Flashing his roguish grin, Poe shrugged, “Something tasty to go with tea.”

“It’s a deal,” she held out her hand and they shook. Poe’s was warm and calloused, which was pleasant until it reminded her of another hand, one with fewer calluses and much larger in size. 

Keeping her smile in place with a will, she let go of Poe’s hand, “Any requests? Though it will depend on what the pantry has available.”

“I don’t mind, truly, if you make it, I’ll be happy to eat it,” he told her with an easy grin.

While part of Rey had the silliest urge to try and make something Poe wouldn’t eat, that would be churlish of her. “That is a lot of pressure, you know; will I still get the lavender if you don’t enjoy whatever I make?”

He shook his head, and started to walk away, throwing a wink over his shoulder, “I don’t think that’s possible!” 

Rey frowned, remembering Maz’s words, ‘ _ Improbable, not impossible _ ,’ what had the old lady meant by it? Why had she thought Rey’s dreams of the wolf were significant?  _ How _ were they significant? She had implied that she herself had not had the dreams, though she freely admitted to having heard the wolf’s howling… Why did the dreams only come a few nights a month? Where did he go during the interim? Could her dreams  _ really _ have the self-same wolf in them?  _ How? _ ...And,  _ why _ was she so certain the animal was male? 

Although she stayed outside till it was too hot to remain, she got no farther with the mystery, it felt as if she were missing something large and obvious, but try as she might, it didn’t reveal itself. It was most vexing, yet an excellent distraction from her other troubles.

After clearing and properly arranging the pantry, she had found a small bottle of saffron and today felt like a day for saffron buns. Traditionally, they were more of an Easter treat, but Rey didn’t let that deter her.

While saffron was an expensive ingredient, she suspected this bottle had been at Varykino for quite some time, judging by the accumulation of dust and it being hidden from sight. 

After assuring a somewhat doubtful Dopheld that she was absolutely fine, she set about making the sweet bread dough and while it rose, she placed a pinch of saffron in a dish of warm milk to soak. 

The couple of hours it took for the dough to rise and the saffron to soak, she did make-work, anything that didn’t involve her venturing upstairs, even collecting wood from the store outside, which was really meant to be Poe’s job. It was necessary to brush her dress and apron off in the garden as they had been covered in bark and spider’s web - how Poe managed to stay so neat she would never know.

Still, it was cheerful employment, so long as she was below stairs, she was content.

After the next phase of the recipe was complete, she paused for a bite to eat, as she had somehow missed lunch along with breakfast - for some reason she didn’t have much of an appetite at present.

Once the dough had been left to rise twice more, the rolls were finally ready to put in the oven. It could sometimes be a tedious process, though perhaps patience had not been a virtue she was blessed with a great quantity of. Be that as it may, the smell of them baking caused her mouth to water and when Poe and Dopheld sat down for tea and buns, their enjoyment made it very much worth the extra effort.

It was slightly irritating to have to send up some with Lord Ren’s tea, but he was the master of the house, so it was only fair.

Mr Hux returned a short while later to fetch another bun and a pat of butter. Rey tried very hard to ignore how the idea of Lord Ren enjoying something she baked made her feel, and concentrated as best she could on Poe’s rapturous praise. It was overdone of course, but it made her smile and she was very grateful for the lavender she got in exchange. Just pushing her nose into the bunch and taking a deep breath made tension leach out of shoulders. 

Borrowing a small knife from the kitchen, she unthinkingly nipped upstairs so she could leave the flowers to attend to that evening, as they would need cutting properly and hanging so they would dry correctly.

That was where her luck ran out, or rather, as soon as she set foot in the hall, Lord Ren stepped out of the library.

Staring fixedly at the door to the servants stairs, Rey pretended she didn’t see him, but of course, he couldn’t let her go without taunting her.

“Miss Johnson.”

Why must his voice be so low and deep?

“Yes, Lord Ren?” she asked, rudely choosing not to turn and face him.

“What are you hiding?”

Hiding?  _ What? _ She turned, levelling a frown at his chest, “I am sorry, but I have not the pleasure of understanding you?”

He gestured with those big hands at her bundle of lavender.

“This?” she looked down at the flowers, still confused, “I’m going to prepare them to hang and dry this evening and was just going to leave them in my room.” She grit her teeth, “Is there something I can help you with?”

“And Poe gave you that?”

_ Oh no, _ he did care, Poe was wrong! “I beg your pardon, Lord Ren - I asked for some, he didn’t just take it himself, there is so much of it that I thought it would be acceptable to cut some.”

Finally, she lifted her eyes to meet Lord Ren’s, afraid that she was getting Poe into trouble - she  _ knew _ she should have asked Mr Hux to ask Lord Ren about the lavender  _ before _ Poe went off and cut it.

“Oh,” he seemed surprised, even a little… pleased? “No, that is quite acceptable, you may cut more, if you wish.”

Rey dropped her eyes again as her cheeks warmed, “Thank you, Lord Ren.”

“There are plenty of roses in the gardens as well,” he offered, “I believe they are suitable for drying, too.”

Every time she thought she knew who he was, he went and pulled the rug out from under her, and each time he did it, everything was thrown up into the air and she never knew where she would land. 

It was all so bewildering

“Thank you,” she murmured quietly, completely lost as to what else she should say.

There was an uncomfortable, loaded pause, as if they both wanted to speak, but could not, then there was the sense of movement, and the library door shut behind him.

Rey sighed with relief and sagged against the wall for a moment, before forcing herself to hurry upstairs.

Perhaps she would ask Poe to show her the roses later, she did love the scent of them. Sometimes in London, if she passed a rose bush in a garden where the blooms were reachable from the street, she would pause to inhale the heady scent, it had always brought a smile to her lips.

Later, as she was rifling through the collection of Penny Dreadfuls, she came to a curious realisation - there were no stories about wolves or werewolves. There was every other subject - daring deeds by highwaymen and criminals, the exploits of detectives, chilling stories about vampires and ghosts, exciting tales featuring the undead, demons and angels, or ripping yarns of witches or curses or other supernatural escapades... but not a one among them had anything to do with wolves. The omission was too thorough and obvious to be coincidence, surely?

If it were so, what did it mean? Did they all hear the wolf and so did their utmost not to be reminded of it? That still seemed anomalous behaviour, for surely, (as she had the morning after hearing the howls for the first time), you would ask if others had heard it too?

It felt as if they were purposefully trying to hide any mention of wolves at all, and Dopheld had behaved with such alarm when she mentioned it... Tomorrow morning, she would rise early again so she could search the library for anything to do with the animals.

That night was less troubled, but she was still able to wake early and creep downstairs to commence her investigation.

In the early dawn light, she carefully perused the shelves; there were books of science and nature, history, poetry and plays, fairy tales and fables, ancient myths and fiction in the form of novels and collections of short stories. 

But nothing contained anything to do with wolves. Of course, she hadn’t expected to find many - it was hardly a common subject, yet even the nature books had nothing relating to wolves. 

The Encyclopædia Britannica, which was the place she was absolutely certain would cover the subject, revealed a disturbing discovery - the pages of book twenty four, that would have informed on wolves, had been _ torn out.  _

It was no longer in any doubt, someone, or even everyone in this house except her, was hiding something. If she hadn’t been having the dreams, she may not have pursued the matter, but the wolf was affecting her, she felt he was speaking to her, trying to communicate something and the others were trying to hide his existence.

The question that plagued her now, was  _ why? _ What did they have to be afraid of? What else were they hiding?

A feeling of betrayal flickered through her, she had thought Dopheld and she were friends, that Poe was, too. Why would they keep this from her, why try and pretend they didn’t hear it so she would worry she was mad?

With a heavy sigh, she replaced the book and set to dusting the shelves so there was no evidence of so many volumes being removed. All the while her mind turned over and over as she tried to fathom what could possibly demand such secrecy, such deception? What would necessitate feigning ignorance so completely?

Unless, they were worried for the wolf? Were they scared she would report it to the constable? But she had told Lord Ren she wished no harm to the animal, so if that were the case, wouldn’t they then have let her in on the secret? No, there was something more uncanny going on here.

Due to her investigations, she was more behind with her tasks and so was still busy when Lord Ren descended, but she was at least done with the library, so while he breakfasted, she attended to the billiard room, then moved on to the dining room when he was finished with his meal.

Sometimes she idly wondered what upstairs was like, whether Lord Ren used only one room, and how it was decorated. It must be Mr Hux that attended to all the cleaning that was required, as he was the only person, (besides Lord Ren of course), who was allowed up… all the intrigue led her to think something was hidden up there. In her imagination Lord Ren’s room turned into more of a lair, perhaps he slept upside down like a bat or had a giant nest on the floor.

Ridiculously, these thoughts made her giggle despite herself, and she had to pause in polishing the dining table to cover her mouth. This only served to increase her merriment, which was bordering on hysteria. So far it had been a very strange day, and it was still only eleven in the morning.

Shutting her eyes and counting helped calm her, but when she opened them again, she found Lord Ren staring at her from the doorway.  _ Why _ was he always appearing at the most inopportune of times?

Rey dropped her hands from her mouth, took a breath and cleared her throat, “Is there something you need, Lord Ren?”

He frowned at her, “Were you in the library today?”

Doing her best to keep her face free of guilt, Rey nodded, “Yes of course, to clean and lay the fire earlier this morning.”

Despite always feeling like a furnace every time she had the misfortune to touch him, he always had a fire in the evening. It was most odd. 

“To clean?” he sounded as if he doubted her.

Folding her arms, she nodded, “Yes. Is there something I missed or that you would like me to do again?”

He muttered something under his breath and shook his head, before speaking normally again, “No, no,” his frown deepened, “Did you do something differently?”

Had she misplaced some of the books? She was aware of heat seeping into her cheeks, “I don’t think so.”

His head snapped up, she could see the slight flare of his nostrils as he strode towards her, a fierce expression on his face as he crowded into her personal space so much she had to step back, only to find the wall.

“You’re lying,” he accused, with absolute conviction.

_ So are you _ , she wanted to say, but did not. 

“I took out some of the books to better dust the shelves, some of them hadn’t been taken out for a while and there was more dust along the tops of the pages.” 

It was perfectly true, particularly the Encyclopædia Britannica.

This close, she could feel that furnace heat and his scent filled her head, leaving her a little dizzy, though that was probably more the worry that he would discover she had been searching for something.

“That's not it, there’s something more,” one large, warm hand came up to tilt her chin so she was forced to look him in the eyes. This close, she could see green entwined with dark brown and caramel, but they grew darker as she watched, his pupils expanded as they stared at each other.

“What aren’t you telling me?” his murmur was soft but no less unsettling, how could he be so certain? 

With her heart fluttering like a hummingbird inside her chest and her stomach flipping over like a pancake, it made it difficult to think coherently. 

He was so close she could feel his breath fan across her face, it would take barely any effort to reach his lips with her own, just a strain up on her toes or a stoop down for him…

But that was a dream, a foolish fantasy... irritation bloomed -she would not entertain these  _ ridiculous _ feelings.

“I imagine there are a great many things I am not telling you,” she told him, somewhat pertly, “If they have nothing to do with how I go about my job, I do not see that you have any business knowing them.” She took a fortifying breath, even as her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest, “Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do.”

“You reside in my house, consume my food, are warmed by my fires and drink my tea, it  _ is  _ my business.”

The absolute nerve of the man! 

“You have forgotten - this is your mother’s house and I am employed by her,  _ not _ you!” she glared up at him, “If you wish it, I can contribute to my share of the living costs, but you do not have the right to behave as if I am in service to you, because I am not.” 

A mirthless, acerbic chuckle escaped him, “So you mend my shirts for my mother do you? You cook and clean and ask me if there is anything I want, all for my mother? It is all the same, I am your master, and  _ you will tell me what I want to know!” _

He pressed too close, his voice was too harsh, his energy was too much, the threat loomed too large, pure instinct took over and without thought, her palm connected with his cheek.

A resounding smack rang out, and her rapidly beating heart seemed to still in her chest as the enormity of her action bled through her anger, replacing it with fear. If she had learned anything from the workhouse and from Teedo, if you hit back you only caught it harder on the return. Defiance was always paid for with pain. 

Lord Ren was a large man and she knew if he hit her, the damage would be great.

So she ran. 

She darted around him and fled, tearing down the stairs and out of the back door, oblivious of Dopheld calling her name. 

Through the garden and through the shrubbery, following her feet mindlessly in her effort to get away.

When she came to her senses, she wasn’t entirely certain of where she was, except near the water. Her panicked breath was heaving, and she sank to the ground with her back against a large tree trunk as she tried to collect herself.

Today, for the first time, Ullswater didn’t make her smile as she looked at it, the singing of birds didn’t make her heart soar and the scent of the fresh air didn’t make her wiggle her toes happily. 

There was no doubt that she would be dismissed straight away... perhaps if she waited till nightfall she could sneak in and collect her things, leave without being seen. Maybe Maz would let her stay for a few days, while she tried to find other employment, or perhaps the Ticos? Angrily she wiped her face, shivering, cold inside, despite the warmth of the sun. What if he reported it? What if she had to go to prison for assaulting a member of the peerage? It had been traumatic enough when she had been arrested over Mr Plutt’s dealings... And why, oh why did she have feelings for him, even now? The thought of never seeing him again left her feeling desolate yet relieved. It may be that without seeing him regularly, her infatuation would die away to nothing.

At least some good would come of her leaving.

A throat cleared and she started, almost letting out a scream when she saw Lord Ren standing not five feet away and she couldn’t help flinching, cowering back as she readied herself for pain.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t beat me,” she stammered, “I’ll leave, today, now if you wish, but please don’t,” she had to swallow a terrified lump - there were always rumours of some Lords getting away with murder, after all, “ _ Please don’t hurt me. _ ” She ended in a whisper, looking at his feet because she couldn’t bear to see his face right now, it would be furious, contemptuous, disgusted, full of hate or vengeance. 

_ “Look at me.”  _

There was a frightening edge to his voice, it made her skin prickle with goosebumps - he was going to hurt her. With his long legs and almost preternatural sense of smell, she wouldn’t be able to run and hide. So she curled up as small as she could, tucking her chin into her chest as she covered her head and braced herself, silently praying for deliverance or at the least not to be killed or grievously injured.

“Look at me.” 

His voice was nearer, but she didn’t dare look up.

“Rey.”

At her name, her head jerked up of its own accord, to find him crouched down, just a few feet from her. She flinched back, another, more intimate fear starting to take shape - what if he… she shuddered. “Please,” her voice trembled, “Please don’t.”

He looked confused for a second before horror over took his features, then they twisted into a bitter mien.

“I won’t harm you,” despite his expression, his voice was the sort you use to coax a feral animal or wary child. He reached out slowly and awkwardly patted her hand, wincing when she instinctively recoiled from the touch. “I give you my word, such as it is.”

Slowly, her heart began to slow and she relaxed a little from her tight ball to absentmindedly wipe her stinging cheeks.

“I am sorry,” she said to his knees, “I don’t know what came over me… am I... I will collect my things and leave at once.” She uncurled further and went to stand, legs still wobbly but for now they held her up.

Lord Ren had stood when she had, though she hadn’t noticed his outstretched hand until she was on her feet. It disappeared into his pocket then withdrew again and offered her a handkerchief, which she stared at blankly for a moment before finally looking up at him.

“Your cheek is bleeding,” he told her, looking pained, “You must have caught it on a thorn bush as you… as you ran.” Why did he sound as if he were... hurt?

Now he said so, she could feel the sting on her cheek wasn’t just from the salt of her tears and hesitantly took the immaculate, monogrammed material to hold against her cheek. “Thank you.”

“You are not dismissed,” he worked his jaw as if he were chewing over what to say, but all Rey could concentrate on, was that by some miracle she could stay,  _ home. _

Tears spilled over again, of relief and gratitude, though there was some feeling of confusion as he was well within his rights to send her packing.

An odd urge to simply tell him what she had found in the library overcame her, but she held her tongue, concerned that he would change his mind when he found out she had been snooping. 

“Come.”

She looked up from drying her eyes to find him offering his hand to her again.

“I will show you the way back, you came quite far.”

She didn’t understand him at all. She didn’t understand anything of this… but she was weary and unsteady and the man who had so infuriated and then frightened her, was offering her help.

So she swallowed any pride she had left, and cautiously took his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um… some stuff happened there… 
> 
> Also, Hades (cat) had his stitches out today and is doing really well, no more vets visits till his yearly check up ^_^ thank you to everyone who enquired, it was very sweet of you ♥ 
> 
> OH! And, the AMAZING mood board was made by [Erulisse17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erulisse17/pseuds/Erulisse17) ♥
> 
> **Authentic Victorian Saffron Bun Recipe**
> 
> **INGREDIENTS**   
Makes 10-12 buns
> 
> Flour - 250g / 9 oz   
Sugar – 55g / 2 oz   
Salt – a pinch  
Yeast – 4g dried or 10g fresh  
Milk, slightly warmed – 90 ml / 3floz   
Eggs – 1 egg, lightly beaten  
Currants – 55g  
Cinnamon, cloves and mace – a pinch of each  
Lemon – the zest of ½ lemon  
Butter – 30g / 1 oz   
Lard – 30g / 1 oz  
Saffron – pinch, soaked for 2 hours in 2 tsp warm milk
> 
> **To glaze:**
> 
> 1 egg  
Pinch of salt  
1 tbsp milk
> 
> **METHOD**   
First, make a basic bread dough. Combine the flour, sugar, salt, egg and yeast together with enough milk to make a soft, but not sticky dough. Knead for 15-20 minutes and set aside in a warm place, covered with oiled plastic wrap or in a bowl with a cloth over until it has doubled in size (roughly 2-3 hours).   
Once the dough has risen, remove it and flatten it out slightly. Soak the saffron in the warm milk to get most of the colour out. You can then add your other ingredients. Put the spices, lemon zest, lard, saffron in its milk (which should now be yellow) and currants in the middle, fold it up, and knead again, folding and squeezing so that the new ingredients are well-incorporated.*  
Cover again, and leave to double in size once more.  
Once the dough has risen, lightly grease two baking sheets and shape your dough into 12 equal buns. Round them off and leave in a covered bowl for 20 minutes to double in size once again.  
Whilst waiting, create a glaze with an egg, a pinch of salt, and 1 tbsp of milk. When ready, brush over each bun. Then, bake in the oven at 180c / 350F for 15-20 minutes until each bun is golden brown. Serve on their own, or slathered with butter!
> 
> *These days you can also just put everything in a food mixer armed with a dough hook!


	20. Chapter 20

Perhaps it was the running, or how restless her nights had been recently, or how angry then frightened she had been, or even all of the above, but she was feeling odd; somehow floaty and dizzy and overwhelmed and Lord Ren’s presence next to her was doing nothing to settle the sensation.

He had pulled her hand through the crook of his arm, holding it with his opposite hand and for a brief moment she had panicked as it was similar to how Snoke had held her, but then she relaxed, feeling an odd certainty that he wouldn't hurt her - somehow, she found she trusted his word.

It didn’t make her comfortable though, she was more than painfully aware of their hands touching, of his warmth, the way he smelled... 

At first he had walked too quickly, his long strides meaning she had to trot, but he had soon noticed and kindly adjusted his pace to hers.

They didn’t talk, she didn’t know if conversation would be more tolerable than the silence was, or worse, so she held her tongue, trying to keep a level head and stay as calm as possible.

Her cheek still stung, she had no memory of wounding it, but her escape was all a bit of a blur in her memory. It had been a nonsensical action and she had no idea why the situation had made her run like that, mindless and reckless - like a rabbit running from a fox rather than sensibly retreating to a burrow… almost like she was prey and had thought Lord Ren a predator. 

She shook her head slightly at how foolish she had been behaving lately - it must be lack of sleep. Her crimson visitor was almost gone now and she felt a bath this evening was in order, she could even try putting some crushed lavender in the water to help relax her and aid a restful night.

“Why did you think I would hurt you?”

Lord Ren’s sombre voice made her jump a little, he had been silent for so long.

How was she supposed to answer that? She chewed her lip as she thought, then shrugged mentally, “That’s what usually happens.”

The grip of his hand on hers tightened briefly. “It shouldn’t.”

Rey almost laughed, how could he be so naïve? And she had deserved it, she had struck him first, him, a Lord, stuck by her, a servant! 

“Do you think insubordination should go unpunished?”

Again his grip tightened, relaxed, “Are you asking me to punish you?”

For some strange reason, she felt her colour rise, she had to swallow before she could answer him. “Well… wouldn’t you, if it had been Poe or Dopheld?”

There was a faint huff, “Yes, but they are fully grown men.”

It was perhaps silly of her to be arguing for punishment, but for some reason, it felt somehow... dishonest, not to experience consequences for her actions. “I don’t think that would be fair, to punish them and not me for the same misdeed.  _ And _ ,” she added, somewhat affronted by his implication, “I am nineteen, so also fully grown.”

“Nineteen?” he repeated, then made a considering noise, the sound low and vibrating, it made her feel warm. “Very well, you will have no afternoons off for a month, is that fair?”

Well now she had gone and done it - she could hardly argue with him about it, it would make a nonsense of everything she had just said. With a heavy sigh, she nodded, “Yes, Lord Ren.” 

They walked in silence for a few moments and she began to recognise where they were. After briefly chewing on her lip, she bravely steamed ahead, “What explanation ought I to give - to the others?” 

“Just tell them I frightened you, there’s no need to tell them anything else and there is no visible evidence to the contrary.”

But, wasn’t that lying? Hadn’t he vehemently told her he did not tolerate liars?  _ One rule for them and one for us. _ She supposed if the others knew it may encourage them to take liberties, and in all honesty, she was thoroughly embarrassed by her actions and didn’t wish people to know how flimsy her reasoning had been.

“Besides,” he murmured, more to himself than to her, she thought, “I am good at frightening people.”

A strangely protective urge rose up and tried to make her tell him that wasn’t true, but it absolutely was. She wondered if he had ever tried  _ not _ to frighten people, made a conscious effort not to glare and stalk and slam doors, but it really wasn’t her place to ask, so she said nothing.

Again she wondered why he had never taken a wife or why he wasn’t looking for one - surely every man wanted companionship? Or at least noble men must want children to carry on their line. A wife would temper his explosive disposition, smooth his rough edges and lighten his dark moods.

“What are you thinking of?”

Rey blinked, surprised and not a little disconcerted by such a question, “Nothing of consequence, I assure you.”

He took a breath, hesitated, then spoke, “You seemed sad suddenly.”

What an odd thing to say. Before she could even begin to wonder how to respond to that statement, he let go of her hand and arm and pulled away a little. They had reached the garden proper. 

The loss of closeness made her heart do a pathetic little flop in her chest. Shaking her head at such nonsense, she followed him back to the house.

“Come and read to me,” he commanded, “You never finished the Lady of Shalott.”

That had been while he was ill, though, why would he want reading to now? Wasn’t he sick of the sight of her? How could one person go from one mood to a completely different one so many times in one day? Didn’t he find it exhausting?

“Should I not finish in the billiard room?”

He glanced back at her as they arrived at the back door, “No, you can do that later. Make some tea and bring it up,” a faint curve pulled at his lips, “Are there perchance, any saffron buns remaining?”

It was oddly charming, the hopeful cast to his countenance as he asked. 

“I believe so, would you prefer it buttered?”

It was definitely a smile and even if very faint, it made her feel a little weak in the knees.

“Yes, please.” With a nod he strode ahead and up the stairs and Rey cautiously entered the kitchen.

“Rey?” Dopheld exclaimed loudly as he shot to his feet along with Poe, Mr Hux, who had already been standing, paused to glance over her, gave her a nod, and hurried upstairs.

“Are you all right? What happened?” Poe demanded as they rushed over to her, both glancing her over as Mr Hux had.

“I, ah,” she bit her lip, (for the final time that day, as she felt it tear and begin to bleed). “I am quite well, thank you. Forgive me if I worried you all, I’m afraid I rather overreacted.”

Poe folded his arms and raised a sceptical eyebrow, “I’ll be the judge of that - Dopheld says you ran out of here like the house was on fire, then the master comes down, tells him and Hux to stay here and goes after you! What did he do?” 

Rey looked to Dopheld for rescue, but he was looking as serious as Poe, “You looked terrified, Rey,” he told her, mouth turned down at the sides, and she felt a guilty clench in her gut.

“He just… he startled me and was angry, really angry and…” she had to refrain from chewing her lip and instead twisted her hands in her apron, “I didn’t understand why and then he got a bit too close and I just sort of panicked?” 

They both looked at each other, then back at her, “Did he hurt you?” Poe asked in a hard voice she had never heard him use before and was rather surprised by.

“No, no, not at all, I assure you.”

“Then what happened to your cheek, Rey? What happened to your lip?” Dopheld asked.

“My cheek?” thoughtlessly she patted her cheek, then shook her head, “I think I caught as I ran through the bushes, nothing more, and my lip is a bad habit, sometimes I bite it when I’m nervous.”

They exchanged another loaded look, it was like they were communicating without words, though what they were saying, she couldn’t tell.

Dopheld sighed and nodded, Poe frowned and shrugged and patted her on the shoulder, “Alright, pet, sounds like you need a sit down and a cup of tea.”

_ Tea, _ of course, “Thank you, but he wants me to take tea up and read to him for a while.” she went to make her way to the kettle but was stopped by Poe’s hand on her shoulder again. 

“He wants you to  _ what _ ?” he asked incredulously.

Rey shrugged, “I read to him the other day when he was convalescing and I didn’t finish because he fell asleep.”

“You don’t have to, you know, that’s not part of your duties.”

Their apparent… protectiveness? While nice, was a little silly. “I know,” she smiled, “But it’s an excuse to sit down in a nice chair.” 

It was the truth, after all the excitement, she was weary - sitting down with a cup of tea and reading would be welcome, even if it was in Lord Ren’s confounding company.

“Do you think he will mind if I have a cup of tea, too? Or should I wait till I am finished?” she wondered.

Dopheld firmly shook his head, “No, have a cup of tea, he owes you that much for alarming you so.”

It was rather a daring opinion for Dopheld, Rey smiled at him and squeezed his hand, “In that case, I will, thank you.” Poe had gone back outside and it was just them, “I’m truly sorry if I worried you, Dopheld.”

The normally nervous man, squeezed her hand back and smiled, “I’m just glad you are all well, no need to apologise, Rey, goodness knows I’ve almost run away from him several times, especially in the beginning.” His smile faded at the last and he went and busied himself at the sink, looking nervous once more.

Rey quickly scoffed a bun before taking Lord Ren’s up with their tea - drinking in front of him was one thing, but she felt eating in his presence would be a presumption. 

Mr Hux opened the library door just as she arrived in the hall, his normally neat hair looked as if he had run his hands through it, more than once. His eyes softened when he saw her, “You are quite well?” he asked seriously, and she nodded, he sighed, nodded, and opened the door wider for her, “He is waiting for you.”

For some reason that sounded ominous, or portentous or  _ something _ … No. she was being a silly goose again. Straightening her shoulders, she walked in, carefully carrying the tray. 

Lord Ren had been standing gazing out of the window, but turned once she had set the tray down on the occasional table nearest to his usual chair, and came to sit down, gesturing at the chair opposite and the book on the table.

“Page sixty seven, I believe,” he told her as he sat, unbuttoning his jacket and crossing his long legs, “The paragraph starting, ‘ _ No time hath she _ ’.”

His face was strangely blank of expression, and she felt nervous all over again, awkward as she took a sip of her tea to wet her lips.

It was a very different experience to last time, Lord Ren was upright, watching her intently as he sipped his tea and buttered his saffron bun. It was harder to take in the words she was reading and a few times he asked her to slow down as her anxiety had made her unconsciously speed up.

From what she was able to understand, this did not seem to be the sort of poem a man would like, though in truth, she had never considered if men enjoyed poetry at all.

It was still beautiful, but melancholy, and the ending when it came, was rather bleak and cheerless. No wonder Lord Ren always seemed miserable, if this was the sort of thing he favoured reading. 

It left her with questions she had hoped to be answered, what was the Lady’s curse? Who had she been cursed by and forwhy? It was all very unsatisfactory.

“You did not care for it?” Lord Ren’s curious voice snapped her out of her musings.

Rey decided to be honest and shook her head, “No, I do not. It was miserable! Why didn’t she try to break the curse or be rescued by someone - a Knight or even a farmhand?”

Lord Ren gave a somewhat bitter chuckle, “Some curses cannot be broken.” 

He said it with finality, as if there were no argument to the contrary. 

Rey didn’t particularly believe in curses, but she thought if they did exist, there must always be a way to break them, surely? Otherwise would they really be curses, wouldn’t they just be... circumstances? And generally, a curse was meant to be done to you by someone, but people didn’t really have that sort of power, did they? She thought of Maz and wondered if she should revise that opinion.

“You may go about your duties.”

Once more she had become lost in her thoughts and had to be reminded. Blushing at her blunder, after a day of so many, she stood, collected the tea things, and left Lord Ren.

After another quick cup of tea, she went back up to the billiard room to finish up her tasks.

The day seemed to move very sluggishly, and she was more than happy when it finally ended and the others retired so she could bathe. 

The first bath after her crimson visitor always felt a little celebratory, she even remembered to throw some crushed lavender into the warm water, which turned out to be very pleasant indeed.

Clean and fresh, she tumbled gratefully into bed, swiftly plaiting her damp hair before she closed her eyes and almost immediately slipped into a deep sleep.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single werewolf in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a mate XD


	21. Chapter 21

It should come as no surprise that Rey dreamt of Lord Ren. In the one dream she remembered after waking, he had been chasing her again, only this time she was laughing and when he caught her up in his arms, it was for soft kisses and sweet nothings, lovingly whispering endearments into her ear. Wrapped up in his arms she felt lighter than a feather and as safe as houses, her laughter bubbling out of her as her heart swelled with an almost unbearable happiness.

When her eyes opened, she let out a disappointed sigh, staring at her bedroom ceiling, endeavouring not to worry her lip. It seemed she was going to be stuck with these dreams for some time. Still, it was worth it, to stay at Varykino. 

If affection went unrequited, it didn’t last, did it? It would fade away and leave her in peace, surely? All she had to do was be patient and wait it out, while trying not not to let it affect her duties.

At least this morning she felt well rested, hopefully it would mean that she could remain level headed whatever may occur.

As luck would have it, the day was uneventful, nothing remarkable happened whatsoever and the time flew by.

It was a welcome reprieve, as was the next day and the one after that.

Oh, her heart still fluttered and her cheeks would pink whenever she encountered Lord Ren, but as she had now resigned herself not to try and to fight it, to just let it happen, it didn’t feel as distressing as it had previously. It gave her hope that it would run its course all the sooner for it.

While he didn’t ask her to read for him again, he did often appear in a room just as she began cleaning, insisting she continue to work. Or quite often he would walk the gardens when she was helping Poe with the vegetables, his gaze on her back as warm as the sun but separate. He had done this before, however, and she dealt with it with as much equanimity as she could.

As promised, she worked through her afternoons off, instead baking or making the evening meal while Dopheld took some much deserved time to himself. She didn’t mind overly much, she enjoyed cooking, (especially in such a lovely, well equipped kitchen) and had been accustomed to not having time to herself for most of her life, so it wasn’t really a hardship.

During a hot morning, when she was cleaning the library, Lord Ren came in before his breakfast, which was unusual. Of course he made not the least particle of noise - he still delighted in either being exceptionally loud, or absolutely silent, but she could recognise his presence now, and turned to see him standing just inside the doorway.

Either her eyes were deceiving her, or he actually looked a trifle nervous.

“May I help you with something, Lord Ren?” she asked from her seat on the floor in front of the fireplace.

“I-” he paused as he stepped towards her, a hand hidden behind his back, “After the… incident with Snoke, I found this in the road.” The hand behind his back revealed a hat, more specifically, the one she had lost as she fled that awful night, “It was a little damaged, but Mrs. Holdo was able to restore it.”

Rey became aware that her jaw had unhinged and quickly snapped it shut. It was her hat, but  _ changed _ , it had been repainted, a new, glossy, wide satin ribbon replaced the old, narrow one, tying in a generous bow at the back and the replacement feathers were shiny and thick. She stared blankly as he offered it to her, completely dumbfounded. 

“Do you dislike it?”

Blinking, Rey remembered herself, “I... no, of course I like it, I am... I just don’t know what to say.” She realised that was horribly rude and amended, “Thank you.”  _ How much had it cost?  _ Probably nothing to him, but it seemed frightfully improper to just accept it, “Please, allow me to reimburse you.”

Lord Ren gently placed the hat on the occasional table nearest her, as she had continued to be too stunned to reach out and take it. Her eyes had been fixed on the hat but at the action she raised them to his face, only to swallow nervously at how intense his expression was.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he murmured, slightly waving a hand, “I should have warned you about Snoke, consider it an apology.”

Turning abruptly on his heel, he made a quick exit and Rey realised that once again, her jaw was hanging open.

With hands that shook a little, she reached out and picked up what was essentially a new hat. It even came with two exquisite silver hat pins decorated with elegant black glass beads. 

Paige had mentioned Mrs Holdo, a fine seamstress who had a dressmaking shop in Matterdale - it had been where Rey hoped to get another dress when she had saved enough money. Looking at the hat, she wondered if the shop may be rather more pricey than she had expected. Ordinarily, most of her clothes were bought second or third hand and altered either by her or a seamstress, Lady Solo however, had given her new uniform to wear, which had been a novel and exciting experience.

Why on earth had Lord Ren had it restored? Or, perhaps more pertinently, why had he gone back to the scene of the incident in question? It was most irregular. 

After a few moments more of simply staring at the hat, she pulled herself together and continued on with her duties.

As she carried the hat upstairs later, she realised it smelled a little like him, his warmth lingered there with the new paint smell. Other than smelling unpleasant, she had never noticed a man to have a particular scent before. Sometimes on passing gentlemen in London she would be aware of a suffocating cloud of cologne, and while not necessarily objectionable, she didn’t care for it.

With Lord Ren, she wasn’t even sure that it was a cologne he was wearing, it was more as if that was just the natural redolence of his hair and body… at that thought she blushed deeply, recalling seeing him half dressed.

When she reached her room she had to sit on her bed for a moment, a little dizzy from the memory.

They had paused for a cup of tea together the next day, when Lord Ren appeared in the kitchen. Rey knew he had, because Dopheld went white as a sheet and froze and Poe opened and closed his mouth and quickly stood.

Rey copied him, waving her hand subtly at Dopheld to try and snap him out of his surprise.

“Miss Johnson,” Lord Ren said, and Dopheld finally found his feet as Rey turned.

“Yes, Lord Ren?” what had she done now?

He produced a small bottle filled with red strands of saffron, “Hux informed me there wasn’t any remaining, so I bought some from Penrith,” he told her casually, as he offered it to her.

“Oh, yes,” she took the bottle, which was larger than the old one she had found and must have cost a pretty penny. There were no local shops that sold such a commodity, though she hadn’t expected to get anymore, just used up what was there before it lost its quality. Did this mean he desired more saffron buns?

Without knowing quite how to respond, Rey resorted to a simple, “Thank you.”

A curt nod of acknowledgement was her reply, his eyes lingered on her a moment longer, then he took his leave.

There was a gusty sigh of relief from Poe and he sat back down, quickly taking a large swallow of tea.

“Why does he keep coming down?” Dopheld wondered miserably as he sank like a stone back into his chair, “He never used to!”

Rey shook her head, painfully aware of the bottle of saffron in her hand and how warm it was. Reluctantly, she let go of it and placed it on the table. “Should I make more buns?”

“Every day,” Poe said immediately with a smirk and she rolled her eyes at him.

It seemed strange that Lord Ren hadn’t simply given it to Mr Hux, but then he was, without doubt, a very strange man... An enigma, if she had to find a single word to describe him… which probably meant she was thinking entirely too much about him and needed to stop.

With a sigh, she sipped her tea, before asking Poe if he needed assistance in the garden.

She enjoyed working outside, though her face and hands had become a little tanned, even producing a scattering of unfashionable freckles across her nose and cheeks. It felt good to work with the earth, to see things grow and bear fruit, it was satisfying, and she would never grow tired of the fresh air and sound of birds. Perhaps this is what Eden had been like, before the fall.

After a hot and rather sweaty afternoon in the garden, Rey reserved the bath again, fairly disgusted with herself.

As she had before, she strew in a small handful of lavender, swirling it around in the water before slipping in with a happy sigh, indulging in lying there for a few moments before scrubbing herself with soap and flannel. 

Feeling entirely more human by the time she got out, she emptied the bath then sat by the fire, drying her hair before neatly plaiting it and going upstairs. 

There was no light from the library door and she decided to go and borrow the copy of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. It had been recommended to her by Rose, and she didn’t think Lord Ren would notice it’s absence as romance was hardly a male subject. If he questioned her about it, she felt he wouldn’t be too upset by her explanation and despite her lavender bath, she was feeling rather wakeful.

The room was empty and she took her candle over to the shelves to locate the book in question. The library was arranged by subject and then alphabetically, so she found the author quickly, discovering that there were six novels available. For now, she just stuck with the one Rose had suggested. It was bound in red cloth and decorated with a floral gilt pattern and looked as though it had been well read, but was still in a good enough condition that she didn’t think she would damage it.

Absently she flicked through some of the pages, finding some illustrations.

“What are you doing?”

With a gasp, Rey dropped both the book _ and _ the candlestick. Even as she frantically grasped for the candle, a huge hand shot out and caught it before it hit the floor, the book was not so fortunate and landed with a small thud.

Rey turned slowly, eyes wide and heart rattling around in her rib-cage like a panicked bird.

The sight that met her eyes only served to set a faster pace and she wondered if she was going to faint.

Lord Ren towered over her, he was dressed in loose trousers and an unbuttoned nightshirt of black silk, covered by an unfastened robe with a jacquard floral motif in black and red. His hair was tousled, and he looked like a man who had been pulled from sleep too soon, or who hadn't been able to sleep at all.

“I… I…-” Rey stuttered, seemingly unable to make any words as her eyes glued themselves to his exposed chest.

Lord Ren placed the miraculously still lit candle on a table, then crouched down at her feet to collect the book she had dropped. 

“Pride and Prejudice,” he huffed a small laugh, “I think you will enjoy it.”

He was still on the floor, and Rey realised she wasn’t breathing, which was a rather necessary function.

With the return of her breath, her ability to speak returned, “I beg your pardon if I disturbed you, would it be acceptable if I borrow it? I am sorry I didn’t ask first, I just, I am rather wakeful and am tired of Penny Dreadfuls and the Bible.” 

He laughed again, it was rich and warm and against her wishes she found it was a sound that she very much liked. 

“You may borrow any book here, especially if it means you do not read any more of that rubbish.”

How could his voice be so low and deep? It was singular, and always seemed to make her feel flushed and funny.

“Thank you. I’m sorry I dropped it, and thank you for catching the...”   
As she spoke, he stood once more and she lost her train of thought as she once more became aware of his state of undress.

“Candle?” he supplied, voice going a little deeper, and she nodded. “You startle so easily, Miss Johnson.”

_ That  _ was unfair! 

“Perhaps, but only with you, Lord Ren, most other people make noise when they move.”

His full lips curved slightly, eyes warming as he stared down at her and she blushed, remembering she was in her nightdress, (which was too short and showed her ankles) and her shawl was draped loosely in the crooks of her arms.

“You always seem so far away,” he murmured lowly, a hand coming up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

This was  _ absolutely _ improper, but she couldn’t make herself move away, all she could do was restrain herself from leaning slightly forward. She shut her eyes, hoping it would help gather her wits, only to snap them open again when she felt the lightest caress graze her cheek, skin tingling in its wake. 

Taking a fortifying breath was a mistake as she once again filled her lungs with his scent. 

There really was no winning here, she had to pull herself together!

“I should, ah, really leave you in peace,” she told him as calmly and as diplomatically as she could, “Please excuse me.” She did one of the most awkward curtsies of her life, grabbed her candle and stepped around him.

Just as she reached the door, his voice stopped her, “You forgot your book, Miss Johnson.” 

Wincing at how foolish she must appear, she turned around and went back to him, the light of his lamp throwing his face and chest into dramatic, chiaroscuro relief.

“How silly of me, thank you, Lord Ren.”

Doing another curtsy felt redundant so she took the book, tried her best to ignore the brief brush of his fingers against her own, and made her escape.

Rose was absolutely correct, Pride and Prejudice was vastly enjoyable. Though the Mr Darcy character was most disagreeable.

It appeared reading a proper book wore one out more than something like Penny Dreadfuls, for it wasn’t long before she found herself drifting and so blew out her candle and settled down to sleep.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, I recycle plot devices. (Obviously Rey will grow to like Mr Darcy.)


	22. Chapter 22

It happened while she was helping Poe in the garden. There was an overgrown spot in one corner which had contained spring cabbages but had been neglected for a while. Rey was pulling up weeds when she came face to face with a  _ snake. _

Whilst she had never seen a snake in the flesh, it was unmistakable, and her immediate reaction was to scream. 

Before that moment, she rather thought of herself as the sort of woman who would react rationally to this sort of situation, but apparently she had overestimated her capacity for sense over instinct.

It was, (to her anyway),  _ huge _ , with evil beady eyes and grey-green skin with black markings that only added to its alarming appearance.

Rey lurched to her feet as it hissed and lunged at her, only just missing by a whisker. With another scream, she turned to run, her legs got twisted in her skirts and she fell to the floor, managing to catch herself on her wrists and hands, her breath heaving as she struggled to find her feet, terrified that the snake would strike while she was down.

That was when Poe arrived, dramatically waving a hoe and yelling, which led her to assume that the snake was still at large.

Scrambling to her feet, she turned to find the snake attempting to climb the brick wall, and was greatly alarmed to see it was succeeding -  _ did that mean they could climb houses and slither into rooms if you had a window open? _

Loud footsteps on the path sounded and she turned to see Lord Ren and Mr Hux following after him.

Lord Ren reached her and took her arms, frantically glancing her over, nostrils flaring and eyes dark. “Are you hurt? What happened?”

Poe gestured to the wall, “Snake, biggun.”

“Did it bite you?” Mr Hux asked with concern as he too came to look at Rey. 

Rey shook her head mutely, still finding it hard to regulate her breathing.

“It's just a grass snake,” Poe interjected helpfully, “No venom.”

_ Venom? _ Rey swayed, it had not occurred to her that it may carry venom, she put a hand to her forehead, “I feel a little-” she swayed more violently and her head suddenly felt very hot, as if she were upside down and all the blood had rushed in.

There came the sensation of motion and she realised she had been picked up, her mind decided it didn’t particularly care what that meant and she allowed her eyes to close completely, trying to steady her breath.

“It’s all right, Sweetheart,” a warm voice murmured, “I have you.”

It was rather reassuring and she went limp, blacking out for a moment.

Her senses were revived by a cool cloth being held against her forehead and Dopheld’s soft, concerned calling of her name. She blinked open her eyes to find herself lying prone on one of the camel back sofas in the billiard room. Trying to sit up proved to be a little premature as it made her head swim and she gave up the effort.

“Are you well?”

For some reason, her first words were, “There was a snake!” she realised how childish she must sound and blushed, “I think I’m just a bit dizzy.” 

Wincing, she glanced down at her hands - they were grazed from her fall, with earth stuck to her skin and beads of blood.

Dopheld’s eyes followed hers, “I’ll just get a bowl of water to clean them,” 

As he stood, Rey asked, “What am I doing in here and not below stairs?” What if she soiled the velvet of the sofas?

“Lord Ren thought you ought to lie down rather than sit,” Dopheld explained as he made for the door, he glanced back at her, “He carried you in.” 

_ Oh no, not again! _ With a will, Rey struggled into a sitting position, but leaned her head against the upright of the sofa, still feeling decidedly woozy.

The door opened and Lord Ren entered, carrying a glass with some amber liquid in, his eyebrows drew down in disapproval, “You should be lying down, Miss Johnson.”

“I am sure I will be fine in a moment, please don’t trouble yourself.” Although she had tried to sound composed, she wasn’t sure she had managed it.

His frown intensified and he handed her the glass, which after a sniff turned out to hold strong liquor. Rey shook her head and offered it back but he folded his arms.

“It is not a suggestion, Miss Johnson, I insist, whiskey is good for shock. Drink it down in one, if you do not care for the taste.”

One glance at his face showed he was in earnest, and Rey had to admit she did still feel unwell. With a wince, she swallowed it, gasping at the way it burned as it went down, wrinkling her nose in disgust. When she looked back up at Lord Ren, it looked as though he was hiding a smirk by rubbing his chin. She was distracted from glaring at him by the sudden warmth hitting her stomach - it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, just odd.

“Now, lie back down,” he commanded, “Just for half an hour or so.”

Perhaps normally she would have felt vulnerable at the position, but the liquor seemed to be doing the trick, so she obeyed, though not completely flat, instead she propped herself up a little on the side of the sofa with a cushion. 

Dopheld entered with a bowl and a cloth and nervously approached. Lord Ren moved aside but didn’t leave as Dopheld gently cleaned her grazes, before carefully patting on a salve.

Against her will, Rey’s eyelids fluttered closed.

When she opened them again, gradually and blearily, the light had changed and she realised she must have been asleep for a few hours - how embarrassing!

As she struggled to sit up, she discovered she had a terrible headache and neat bandages wrapped around her wrists.

With a small, pitiful whimper, she gained her seat, her head pounding like a drum.

There was a small noise, possibly a clearing throat and she looked up to see Lord Ren sitting opposite her on the other sofa, a book in his lap.

Oh,  _ oh no _ , had he been there the whole time she was asleep? He never failed in making her feel ridiculous.

In a fluid, swift movement, he stood and walked over to her, “How are you feeling?”

With a rather dry swallow, Rey sat up straighter, “Quite well, thank you,” she made to stand but the smallest of pressures on her shoulder put her back in her seat. Glaring made her head hurt all the more, but she couldn’t help it as she looked from his hand on her and then back to him.

“What have I told you about telling the truth,” he asked seriously, “What hurts?”

How in heaven could he know something hurt? Was she that obvious with her expressions? “Merely a headache, I assure you.”

Lord Ren huffed as if he didn’t believe her, “Go up to bed Miss Johnson, you clearly still need to rest.”

Rey came to the infuriating conclusion that if it had been Dopheld or Poe, they would receive no such consideration - Lord Ren seemed to be labouring under the misapprehension that all women were weak and fragile. And that just wasn’t true, not of common folk anyway.

“A headache will not prevent me carrying out my duties, Lord Ren. I am certainly well enough to help Dopheld with dinner.” Before he could object, she determinedly stood up, ignoring the fact that she was swaying and her head felt like it was about to crack open.

“Miss Johnson,” his voice came out low and deadly serious, it made the fine hair on the back of her neck stand up and a shiver zip down her spine, “If you refuse to go upstairs I will carry you up and put you to bed myself.” 

_ ...Put you to bed myself, put you to bed myself, put you to bed myself, put you to bed myself…  _ those words repeated in her head while she gaped at him, absolutely scandalised, but with a nervous fluttering in her stomach as her cheeks heated to what was surely a dangerous temperature. 

“You cannot possibly be serious!” the words tumbled out without any thought but she didn’t completely regret them.

“I assure you that I am, Miss Johnson,” his voice was velvety and full of warning as he stepped closer, making her have to crane her neck to see his face.

“I am not a child!”

“I am quite aware,” he said with an edge to his voice that she didn’t understand, “But I will treat you like one if you continue to disobey me.”

His eyes had become dark, almost all pupil, up this close she could count the beauty marks on his face if she wished, or touch his lips to see if they were as soft as they looked, or even reach up to run her fingers through his glossy hair. 

It felt as if there was a sort of dynamism about him, he was like a storm, the same sort of chaotic energy but contained, trapped inside a man. She felt certain that one day the storm would break free, to consume everything, perhaps even her. What disturbed her the most about that thought, was that a part of her was actually curious as to what would happen, what being consumed would be like...

Whatever it was like, she would never know. With a flustered, exasperated huff, she forced herself to turn from him and made her way, slightly unsteadily, to the door. She could feel him following behind her, and was grateful when he stopped at the bottom of the servants stairs.

If she napped any more today it was unlikely she would be able to sleep tonight, so she took the time to organise her room and clean the grate so she could lay a new fire, then read some more of Pride and Prejudice. Mr Darcy was somehow growing on her a little and she didn’t care how amiable Mr Wickham seemed, she greatly disliked him. 

After perhaps an hour, she cautiously tiptoed downstairs, quiet as a mouse. The library door was open, so she crept slowly and silently below stairs.

“Rey!” exclaimed Poe as she entered the kitchen and Rey winced.

“Hush! Keep your voice down!”

Poe gave her a perplexed look which was echoed by Dopheld who was putting the finishing touches to the evening meal.

Rey waved her hand, “Lord Ren insisted I go and rest, but I am fine so I came down again.”

“Are you sure you’re well enough to be up and about?” Dopheld asked anxiously.

With a snort, Poe shook his head, “If she says she’s fine, she’s fine.” he smiled at Rey, “I checked everywhere and the snake is long gone, you’ll be glad to hear.”

“Thank you, I’m sorry about all the fuss - I’d never seen a snake before today.”

Poe patted her on the shoulder, “Normally they’re nothing to worry about, but he was a biggun and bad tempered. Next time just shout at it and wave something around and they’ll disappear on their own.”

Next time? Goodness, she hoped not, for a while yet at least! 

“Shall I make the tray up for Lord Ren?” Rey asked, trying to be helpful.

Dopheld, caught her arm before she could move, “It’s best if you don’t, in case he smel- I mean,” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable, “You may arrange it differently and he’ll know you’re down here.”

There it was, they knew about Lord Ren’s preternatural sense of smell, and they were trying not to talk about it near her. She considered just speaking plainly and mentioning it outright, but something stopped her, somehow it didn’t feel like the right time, however foolish that may sound.

When Mr Hux came to fetch Lord Ren’s dinner, he frowned upon seeing Rey.

“I was given to understand you had retired, Rey?”

Blushing a little, because disobeying orders in front of Poe and Dopheld was one thing, but Mr Hux was a superior she was happy to be led by, Rey shrugged sheepishly, “I didn’t need to rest, Lord Ren quite insisted. I am well enough to be up, I promise.”

With a shake of his head, Mr Hux sighed resignedly, “Very well, but I suggest you stay down here till you retire, or he will be most displeased.”

Rey felt a twinge of guilt, it felt like Mr Hux disapproved of her choice to come downstairs.

“It is not as if I am made of glass,” she muttered once Mr Hux had departed

Dopheld pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows, “You fainted, Rey, when the master brought you in you were as white as a sheet.” 

Crossing her arms, she answered with the conviction that comes with hindsight, “If I’d been allowed to sit for a few moments in the garden, I probably would have been fine.”

“ _ Probably _ being the operative word, Rey, you can’t know that!” Dopheld was being unusually argumentative.

“All right, I think maybe we should calm down, it’s in the past so it hardly matters now,” Poe interjected, for once being the peacekeeper.

Rey was having none of it, “And if it had been you or Dopheld? You would have been allowed to decide what was best for you.”

Poe heaved a deep sigh, “But of course - women are more delicate than men, and besides, neither of us would have screamed just because we saw a snake!”

It was likely that she was never going to live this down, Rey thought as she silently and sullenly ate dinner. One silly mistake and she would be judged by it for the foreseeable future. Women more delicate than men? She would like to see a man endure the hardships of giving birth!

She spent the rest of the evening doing chore after chore to make up for her earlier idleness, and to prove that she was not weak  _ or  _ delicate. Her head hurt terribly by the time she went up to bed, but she felt that it had been a good and necessary demonstration.

The next day, Lord Ren started to slam doors and shout with ill-temper. It was definitely a pattern she could follow now.

It brought her thoughts, once again, back to the mystery of his malady, the idiosyncrasies of how it affected him… It made her think of the Lady of Shalott again, ‘ _ a curse is on her _ ’, could it be that Lord Ren was cursed? ‘ _ She knows not what the curse may be; _ ’ and did he know what curse it was? It seemed like he managed it, so he must know… not that Rey believed in curses, of course. It just… it was all so very peculiar, how his mood would change so markedly, how strange his symptoms were and how precise their duration - three nights, always three nights… but _ why? _ She seemed to remember reading somewhere that three was a sacred number that held a deeper meaning and was sometimes called a magic number… which led her to wonder about for what purpose everyone was shut away in their rooms? What happened to him during the night hours? What did he do? ‘' _ The curse is come upon me,' cried the Lady of Shalott, _ ’ was that the time when the curse was… visible? And he was afraid of being seen?

Or, was she being ever so foolish and allowing her imagination to run away with itself?

That was probably it, she decided - she was reading too much into the poem and thinking too deeply and too often of Lord Ren. 

True to form, or perhaps rather to the calendar, the man in question stalked about restlessly from room to room as she worked, until she was tempted to snap at him to sit down or go out. Of course she did not, but it was a relief when she was able to retreat below stairs.

In the hopes of smoothing the edge of his temper, she made some more saffron buns. Not that he deserved them, but hopefully it would give her and her fellows a reprieve. 

It turned out she was right, he was pleased with them, so much so that he appeared before they were ready. She and Dopheld were preparing dinner, and were interrupted by Lord Ren entering the kitchen as if led by the nose. 

Rey only knew he was there because Dopheld flinched as he turned away from the stove top and almost dropped a pan of water.

“May we help you, Lord Ren?” Rey asked, as Dopheld looked incapable of speech at that moment.

With a vague wave of his hand, Lord Ren moved closer to the oven, a hopeful expression on his face, making him look rather young. “Are you making buns again?”

“Yes, but they will not be ready for some time, I will make sure Mr Hux brings you one as soon as they are ready to eat.”

He nodded absently, eyes still glued on the oven and stayed where he was. Rey looked at a wide-eyed Dopheld who gave a subtle shrug.

It would be impossible for both she and Dopheld to concentrate if he stayed down with them, this was meant to be their space, after all.

With a sigh, Rey brushed her hands off on her apron and walked around Lord Ren to go and find Mr Hux.

What she had not expected, was for Lord Ren to stiffen as she passed him, and then follow her instead of continuing to loiter.

As they entered Mr Hux’s office, he looked up, eyebrows raising as he took them both in - for when Rey had stopped, Lord Ren had kept going until he was very close to her back. The warmth of his body was palpable and the scent of him invaded her head... and she was certain he was  _ smelling _ her, she could feel breath upon the back of her neck. A blush quickly formed and with wide eyes, Rey gestured out of Lord Ren’s sight, trying to convey the issue at hand.

Mr Hux gave a small nod, then stood, “ _ Kylo _ ,” he said, voice low and penetrating.

The feeling of Lord Ren abruptly stepping away from her, left her with mixed feelings, which she tried not to display. She dared not move and stayed still as Mr Hux walked around her and ushered Lord Ren out, speaking quietly to him as they went.

With a sigh, Rey unnecessarily straightened her apron and cap, and went back to the kitchen to pretend nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. She would think about it all later, when she wasn’t so flushed and flustered.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snakes are lovely, don’t be mean to them. Even when they surprise you. (I’m saying this in England, where we only have four snakes, only one of which is mildly venomous. And generally if you are lucky enough to meet one, they will slither away unless you threaten them or try to pick them up.) Also, poor Rey, while Feminism began in 1848, it is still a small movement and hasn’t reached the Lake District yet… plus, wearing a corset makes things like breathing deeply, difficult, I can personally attest to that and if you ever wear one too, don’t run in it (if it’s a real corset, not a fashion one and you have it laced properly) also, sneezing will hurt and if you get hiccups, TAKE IT OFF. You’ll thank me.  
Also, um, yeah, this chapter is maybe a little silly and I shoehorned in another bridal-carry, but I’m not even sorry. 


	23. Chapter 23

“He is definitely getting worse, perhaps we should send Rey away somewhere when he’s like this,” Dopheld’s voice said, and Rey froze halfway down the stairs.

Ordinarily her conscience would dictate that she made a noise so she wasn’t eavesdropping, but this concerned her person and she felt entitled to listen.

“But what reason could we give?” Poe asked, “While I greatly appreciate Rey, Lady Solo should have known better than to send her here.”

“She couldn’t have known he would have this reaction, though, he’s never behaved like this with anyone else,” Mr Hux said. There was a pause, then he reluctantly added, “Ben says Rey is special, but has not given a comprehensible reason in what way.” 

The silence that followed that statement was loaded.

_ Ben? _ Who was Ben? She didn’t recall anyone mentioning a Ben before, and how would this Ben know anything if he hadn’t ever met her?

A door slammed upstairs and she flinched slightly, unfortunately dropping her feather duster and alerting Mr Hux, Poe and Dopheld that someone was coming down the stairs.

Keeping her countenance as natural as possible, she walked down as if nothing were amiss. As she entered the kitchen, Mr Hux nodded as he passed her to go upstairs, Poe gave her a cheery wave as he disappeared outside and Dopheld gave her a tight smile and offered her a cup of tea.

It was all very suspicious, very suspicious indeed - it was like a conspiracy of silence, or, or…  _ she didn’t know _ . She knew nothing for certain, and despite what they had been talking about, she didn’t  _ feel _ as if she were in danger. While Lord Ren made her nervous and jumpy and confused, she… but that wasn’t true, was it? Not long ago she had been so afraid of him that she had panicked and run away. Hindsight had made her conclude that that had been an overreaction, but what if her instincts were right? It was a question of reason against intuition, ordinarily she would choose reason, but there had been times in her life when she had been grateful she had erred on the side of the immediate apprehension that is independent of any reasoning process.

It was one giant muddle, and again she felt as if she were missing something painfully obvious, to everyone but herself. She could not believe, however, that Lady Solo would have willingly sent her somewhere dangerous, nor Lord Skywalker, so either they were unaware of what was going on here, or her fellow servants were magnifying the issue.

Of course, it was many years since Lady Solo and her brother had been here, so the odds were in the favour of them being unaware and her fellows being right...

It was so difficult - with Lord Ren’s mercurial moods, one was never sure what they were going to get… though, that wasn’t wholly correct either, as the time of month definitely indicated which mood he was more likely to take.

It all made her head hurt. She missed the uncomplicated company of Paige and Rose, but she hadn’t been able to see them due the temporary cessation of her afternoons off.

And Ben,  _ who was Ben? _ For some reason, something told her he was important somehow, even though she had never seen him nor heard him spoken of till now…

“Rey? Are you in there?”

With a slight start, Rey blinked and turned to look at Poe whose hand was patting her shoulder. “Sorry, I was miles away, do you need something?”

He chuckled good-naturedly, “I think you’ve hulled more than enough peas, it’s near enough dinnertime, they're best eaten fresh so go on and take them to Dopheld now and I’ll be along in a moment.”

Poe was right, there was a veritable mountain of peas in the colander she had been hulling them into.

“Before you go,” Poe said as she stood, “Have one of these.”

A beautiful, plump red raspberry was placed in the colander, as with strawberries, Rey had never had a fresh one. The flavour burst in her mouth as her taste buds prickled with the tart yet sweet flavour. It was literally mouthwatering, her eyes shut involuntarily as she chewed, unconsciously emitting a pleasured hum.

When she opened her eyes, Poe was smirking at her, “Sadly, they’re the masters favourite, so you won’t be getting many more.”

Rey couldn’t help but find that disappointing, “I think I like them better than strawberries.” 

“Well, there are still plenty of those, so you can have the next best thing.”

Reminding herself that this time last year she had been in London and never had any fresh berries, Rey smiled, “True. We don’t have any strawberry jam or conserve but perhaps I could make Victoria sandwiches with fresh strawberries instead?”

“Sounds marvellous, I don’t see how it wouldn’t work, but enough dawdling! Get those peas to the kitchen!”

With a roll of her eyes, Rey obeyed, secretly munching on a few fresh peas as she went - in her opinion, they tasted better in their natural state.

It was the first night of the monthly three and she found retiring early in the summer felt strange, twilight was as yet waiting in the wings when everyone went upstairs.

Leaving her curtains open, she sat in bed and watched night descend and the moon rise, white and full in a clear sky and it occurred to her that it was always full throughout their confinement.

And then she realised that her wolf only ever howled on these three nights, she had heard that they howled at the moon, could this be why she only heard him at these times? Was he still around the rest of the time, but just silent? If that were so, why did she only dream of him on these nights? Was his howl magical? Or could the full moon be the connection? Pagans and witches had worshipped the moon, could it be that they weren’t mad like everyone said? And if the moon was connecting her to the wolf, did that make her one of them? Was she Godless now? 

Nothing about the wolf seemed evil, though, just… different? She couldn’t think of the right word for it.

Sleep found her before the moon fully rose, despite hoping she would stay awake to see her wolf, but he was there with her, in her dreams.

_ They were walking side by side, Rey’s hand rested upon his shoulders in the thick, silky fur. The trees were becoming thinner as they went, and up ahead, she could see the edge of the woods and the warm, welcoming sunlight. As they went, their pace became slower and slower, the wolf growing more agitated the closer they came to the light, until they stopped completely ten foot from the brink. _

_ The wolf gave a small whine, shifting his feet and Rey felt compelled to kneel down so she could look him in the eyes. _

_ “Don’t be afraid,” she told him with a smile, hands buried in his fur, “The light won’t hurt you, I promise. You won’t be alone, I’ll stay with you.” _

_ The wolf gave another whine and rested his muzzle upon her shoulder as his nose pressed to the back of her neck, huffing slightly as if he were smelling her. His breath tickled and Rey giggled as he nosed through her loose hair. Oddly it made her think of Lord Ren. _

_ They stayed like that for a while, he seemed to find it comforting and oddly, so did she. There was a closeness to it, a queer sort of intimacy that she had only ever experienced in dreams… coincidentally, with Lord Ren. _

_ Without making a decision, she leaned into the wolf’s neck, and inhaled - leather, wood smoke, pine, pepper or spice and musk…  _ just like Lord Ren.

_ Even though she didn’t move, it felt as if her whole world had been turned upside down. How was it possible? That the singular scent she had associated with Lord Ren be here, clinging to her wolf? It was intrinsic, she had no doubt of it, it belonged to the wolf as it did to his human counterpart,  _ no, _ not counterpart, they didn’t resemble one another… she leaned back to find the wolves eyes were brown and green, but it only lasted a moment and they became golden once more.  _

_ What could it mean? _

_ She got to her feet again, and started walking, after a moment of stillness, the wolf caught up, cautiously stalking by her side. She had hoped that the action would allow her thoughts to focus, but they were still bouncing around her head like rubber balls. _

Improbable, not impossible, _ Maz had told her, when you thought as if something was merely being improbable rather than impossible, anything was possible… but what? What here was real? _

_ They reached the border of the trees without her realising, she continued on a few steps before she noticed the wolf had stopped on the periphery, and turned to find him watching her. _

_ “It’s quite safe,” she gave him an encouraging smile, forgetting her puzzle for the moment, “I promise the light won’t hurt you.” _

_ Their eyes met, whether it lasted a moment or an eternity, she couldn’t say, it felt like both somehow. _

_ Then the wolf raised it’s muzzle to the sky, and howled. _

Rey woke, sitting bolt upright so fast she felt dizzy. The wolf was outside, howling, and this time she wasn’t going to stay in her room. She needed answers, and while hoping that a wild animal would give them to her was absurd, that didn’t stop her.

Carelessly leaving her feet bare and hair loose, she flew to the door, took a deep breath, and twisted the handle. 

It was pitch dark on the landing and she had to feel her way to the stairs, endeavouring to be as silent as possible. Her progress was slow but she would never meet the wolf if she were to fall and break her neck, so she employed patience, even though it burned her to do so.

At least when she reached the hall, she could see no sign of Lord Ren anywhere and once she was sure, she was able to move more swiftly as there was now a little light to see by. There was a draft on the stairs down to the kitchen and she was alarmed to find the back door was wide open - who had done that? Especially if they knew of the wolf as she suspected!

Heart thudding in her chest, she stood on the threshold, toes curling over the edge as she peered out into the now quiet night. Had he gone already?

There was the sound of a sneeze nearby and then she saw him, padding out from the deeper shadows, golden eyes bright in the moonlight.  _ Yes, _ it was the wolf from her dreams, the same one who had saved her from Snoke, she had no doubt or uncertainty. Did he dream of her too? Did wolves dream?

Her feet started moving, walking towards him and they met on the lawn, her bare toes tickled by the cold grass as they stared at each other. Unlike their first meeting, she felt no fear this time, somehow she knew with every fibre of her being that he would never harm her.

“Hello,” she said softly, slowly reaching out her hand for him to sniff.

Cautiously, the wolf drew close enough that she felt his breath on her hand as he sniffed her, and after a few moments he let out a small whine, and rubbed his head against her fingers, tail wagging slightly.

With a grin, Rey sank to her knees, uncaring of grass stains or the dew as the wolf pushed his nose into her hair in a mirror of her dream… and just like the dream, he smelled the same as Lord Ren...

Who hadn’t been downstairs, who, presumably, had been the one to leave the back door open, which indicated he would be outside, only he wasn’t. If he were going farther than the garden, wouldn’t he have shut the door? Unless, unless…  _ unless.  _

Suddenly, _ finally, _ it all clicked inside her head. Everything made, albeit improbable, sense. The meat, the moon, the mood changes, the exhaustion, the howling wolf, the pattern, the strange rules, his sense of smell, the books, the lack of _ werewolves  _ in the Penny Dreadfuls…

The wolf pulled back from her as she gasped, her hands going to her heart as her wide eyes stared into his golden ones - this was Lord Ren, a werewolf,  _ whom she was embracing! _

Ridiculously, she was more horrified that she was being so intimate with Lord Ren, than an actual werewolf. Was he aware? Was he in there? Or was it like he was asleep while the wolf ruled him?

“Lord Ren?” Rey asked hesitantly, in a voice that trembled.

The wolf froze, then cocked his head and she watched as brown and green bled through gold.

“ _ Oh _ ,” yes, he was there.

Rey realised that although she had pulled away, her hands were still buried in his thick fur and as she hastily retracted them, a full body shudder went through the wolf.

“Are you quite all right?”

The shudder continued as the wolf whined, pressing his nose into her hair again as if it gave him comfort. The shuddering turned into convulsing, but she couldn’t move away or see as the wolf’s head was still heavy on her shoulder, pressing her down. A light started to coalesce, so bright it hurt her eyes and she had to shut them, even then she could still see the gloriole behind her eyelids. The wolf continued to whine and pant, obviously in pain as his body spasmed.

Beneath her fingers she began to feel skin instead of fur, the weight became greater, the whines became human gasps and she understood with a terrified thrill that the wolf was transforming into Lord Ren.

She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes, more afraid of the man than the wolf… and she was certain  _ he was naked. _ Holding her hands in her lap, she did her best not to move or touch him as he changed. It sounded painful, his laboured breathing hissing between his teeth along with pops and crunches that make her think of bones breaking and joints cracking. No wonder he was exhausted after an ordeal like this, no wonder he was angry and volatile.

As the mysterious light faded, so too did the sounds, till all was silent save for his heavy breaths, his head still resting on her shoulder.

A wish to comfort him overcame her, but she didn’t know what words to use in a situation such as this and she could hardly stroke him as she had the wolf.

_ Oh goodness, _ she had essentially  _ stroked Lord Ren!  _ The man she principally (though she wouldn’t ever admit so to him) worked for,  _ was a werewolf.  _

“Um,” she finally said, but couldn’t think what ought to follow it.

There was a groan and then a hum as what was now Lord Ren’s face, nuzzled into her neck, inhaling deeply.

Heat flushed through her whole body at the familiarity, then she felt his hands at her waist, hot through her night dress, as his lips pressed against her skin.

In mere seconds her heart was like a hummingbird, fluttering impossibly fast as her stomach flip-flopped over and over.

This ought to stop, she should stop him, maybe he was vulnerable after changing, maybe he was still part wolf or just confused or…

“Lord Ren?”

As with the first time, he froze for a moment, then leaned away, but not far as she could feel his breaths on her cheek.

“Mate?” he sounded disorientated, as if he had just awoken from a deep sleep.

What did he mean by _ mate? _

_ “Rey,” _ he breathed, this time sounding a little more aware, but it couldn’t be by a lot, because his hands left her waist to cup her face and then his lips were pressed to hers.

At their touch, every sensible or reasonable thought or faculty, left her head.

_ This was her first true kiss!  _ It felt like her stomach had swooped right out of her body, as her head spun and her heart throbbed thickly in her chest.

His lips were soft and warm, her hands automatically reached out for purchase to steady herself and her fingers met warm, firm skin, smooth and silky and she  _ absolutely _ should not be touching him or kissing him, no matter how good it felt. She was taking advantage of his weakened state!

When she tried to pull away, though, he followed her, his grip firm and unshakeable as a low, pleased hum vibrated in his chest.

A warm wetness caressed her lips and as she gasped in surprise, his tongue invaded her mouth. She went completely limp with the sensation, his hands cupping her face the only thing holding her up and he drew her so she leaned against his hard body, which reminded her of the state of his undress and she remembered who and what they were and that  _ this was wrong _ , no matter how right it felt.

It was an effort, to pull away from him - he was probably more than twice her size and weight and she had no choice but to push against his body, horribly and wonderfully aware of his skin beneath her fingers, as she closed her mouth and attempted to make noises of disapproval.

It took a few moments before he seemed to understand, then there was a sharp inhale, and a curse (which despite everything, still shocked her, as it was the sort of word that you only heard somewhere like the docks).

“What happened?” his voice was rough and alarmed, “Did I hurt you?”

It appeared he hadn’t registered his nakedness as yet.

“Oh, no, no, I am quite… well,” Rey bit her lip, still moist from his attentions, “Um, I apologise for having disturbed you, but,” what in all of heaven should she say? 

“ _ Oh no _ .”

Ah, that sounded like he just remembered his lack of clothing. 

“ _ Please _ ,” his low voice sounded choked with emotion, “Please forgive me, I shouldn’t have,” he took in a shuddering breath, “God, I… I kissed you, I  _ violated _ you!”

“No, no, you didn’t, you were confused, I can only imagine… I’m sorry I didn’t stop you straight away.”

There was a pained groan, “How are you here?  _ Why did you leave your room?” _

Rey opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

“Why,” he asked slowly, “Didn’t you run screaming back into the house as soon as you saw me?” 

_ Ah, _ what did she say to that? In the interest of fairness, she decided to tell him the truth - after all, she knew his secret now.

“I, um, well, you see…” she trailed off, her courage failing her.

“Please, please don’t bite your lip like that,” he sounded a little desperate. How odd.

Best to just get it out, if she could greet a wolf so easily, she could do this too.

“I’ve been dreaming of a wolf since I arrived here, black, with golden eyes like the one… like you. In the dreams, we… we were friends.”

There was a long silence, she could feel his gaze on her, heavy and keen. She shivered and wrapped her arms about herself, missing the warmth he had afforded when he had been… so close. 

“You dreamt of Ben?” he asked finally, with an air of wondrous disbelief.

“Ben? Who is Ben?”

“Ben is the wolf,” he said quietly, with some emotion she couldn't place, “We are the same but also separate. He is Ben and I am Kylo.”

“Oh,” she supposed that made sense, maybe, “Then yes, I think I dreamt of Ben. He is the same as the wolf in my dreams.”

There was an anguished groan, “Oh God in heaven, he was right, he really did imprint on you!”

At that, Rey’s eyes finally flew open, though she managed to keep them trained on Lord Ren’s head and shoulders and no lower. 

The man in question had his fists locked in her hair, as if he wished to rip it out.

“What... what does imprint mean?”

At her voice, he slowly released his grip and raised his head, as soon as their eyes met, his flashed golden, only for a second, but it was unmistakable.

“It means,” said Lord Ren with abject despair, “That you’re my soulmate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about all the ellipsis in this chapter… but! Now Rey has finally met the Big Bad Wolf, and Lord Ren's mystery is finally bared to the light. Hope it wasn’t anticlimactic! 


	24. Chapter 24

“Soulmate?” the word reverberated in Rey’s head like an ominously portentous bell, “But, that only occurs in stories, surely?”

Lord Ren emitted a bitter chuckle, “You seem perfectly comfortable with a werewolf, but soulmates is where you draw the line?”

She had to admit he had a point, without meaning to, she dropped her eyes then had to shut them again because she couldn’t look at his lap and she didn’t want to look him in the eyes at that moment.

Weren’t soulmates in stories always madly, deeply in love with each other? They were bound by a romantic bond, a close, unshakeable affinity… and while she could admit to having developed feelings for him, _ strong _ feelings, it seemed unbelievable that he would feel the same. Of course he wouldn’t; she was a plain, orphan nobody and he was a handsome, affluent member of the peerage whose titled mother had employed her as a _ maid _. She was so decidedly beneath him that it must pain him to think of it. 

There was a sudden ache in her chest, a sort of heavy pressure that felt as though her heart was being squeezed in an iron fist. How foolish she was - she should have left well alone, she should have remembered her station, she should have been grateful for a good job and a wonderful place to live, but no, she had to ruin it. 

A loud buzzing filled her ears.

Woodenly, she stood and turned away, as she opened her eyes again, tears spilled like water from a broken damn. “I am sorry, Lord Ren,” how _ disgusted _ he must be, “Please forgive me for disturbing you, I will leave you in peace.” 

She swallowed thickly as she walked away, trying to breathe as normally as possible as she moved swiftly away from him, hoping against hope that she would be able to delay her sobs till she was safely ensconced in her room.

For now she knew that if he was correct about them being soulmates, there was no way her feelings would disappear as she had hoped. Despite it being one sided, she would suffer with this for the rest of her life. Oh, she had never expected she would marry or find love, nor had she especially wished to, but knowing she had yet would forever be alone, was overwhelmingly excruciating… she couldn’t stay here, it would be like reopening a wound everyday, each morning more painful, every time bleeding a little more, till there was nothing left of her save a metaphorical husk. 

_ She had to leave _, tomorrow would be best, or straight after she had cried herself out would be better. It didn’t matter where she went, she just needed to get away. Perhaps she would go north, somewhere remote and wild where she could do her best to forget. One thing for certain was that she was never going back to the suffocation and slow death of London.

Although she was nearly blinded, she made it up both flights of stairs, using her hand on the wall as a guide and stepping cautiously; though would falling now be so terrible? Better than existing for the rest of her life alone? _ No, _ she was a survivor, she had endured so much and wouldn’t squander what she had been given.

The immense relief of reaching her room was quickly eclipsed by her woe, as she finally allowed herself to sob into her bed clothes. Weeping, she knew, was cathartic, and once she was done she would be able to plan more sensibly. 

If being in love was so painful, she wondered dejectedly, why did people seek it out? Was it meant to hurt this much or was there something wrong with her, besides the obvious? Maybe it was because she had never experienced the love of her parents that it had hit so hard now? Or maybe it was because she had not had their love, that meant not having this love returned, cut so deeply. Perhaps she was just unlovaeble. Perhaps the person she saw when she looked in a mirror wasn’t what other people saw, maybe she was hideous but had a complex that meant she couldn’t see it. Maybe the people she thought were her friends, merely pitied her, that they were being charitable when they spent time with her…

Finally, the tears stopped and she sat up, face sore and puffy. Wearily, she cleansed her skin with cold water, then picked up a pen and some notepaper and wrote brief missives to Lady Solo and Mr Hux, informing them of her leaving and apologising for the inconvenience caused. 

Although it was probably discourteous, she gave no reason, she didn’t have the heart to make something up and she would rather die than admit the truth.

After that was done, she quickly dressed, then packed her belongings, guiltily keeping the uniforms and cape Lady Solo had settled on her, but leaving behind the hat _ he _ had had restored.

As she was a creature of habit, she remade her bed before slipping out of the room and softly closing the door behind her.

It was still dark and she made her way down the servants stairs slowly, straining her ears for any indication that Lord Ren was in the vicinity.

Although she could hear nothing, she left Varykino via the front door. Clad in black, she was a shadow amongst shadows as she briskly made her way up the lane to the road. At the crossroads, she paused, considering - Glenridding, Dockray or Pooley Bridge? It seemed fitting to leave the way she had arrived, so she turned right to Pooley bridge. It would be a much longer walk but she felt ready for the exercise, even with the weight of her carpet bag.

The night was cool, with a few wisps of mist but nothing substantial. She wished it were thicker so she wasn’t so aware of the moon, which would now always make her think of _ him _. At least it afforded her a clear view and if she were so unfortunate as to encounter Snoke again, she would scratch his eyes out.

By the time she reached Pooley Bridge, it would hopefully not be a long wait before she could find a ride to Penrith then catch the first train going North. She found the idea of Scotland appealing.

Once she was on the train she would write a letter to Paige and Rose, she didn’t know what she would tell them, but it would at least be better than receiving the news that she had gone via Poe or Mr Hux.

The thought made her lip wobble and her eyes burn so she resolved not to think of that sort of thing just yet.

Every so often she would pause for a moment to let her bag rest on the ground, flexing her sore wrists and arms as she breathed the night air, filling her lungs with Ullswater for the last time.

It had been idyllic, like a dream, to leave London and come here, but all dreams must come to an end and this was the end of hers.

She needed to remember she had been lucky to have one at all.

The road went inland for a while and when it came back to the lakeside, she stopped to rest properly, sitting on a grassy bank as she watched the first pale fingers of dawn reach across the eastern sky.

It was peaceful, listening to the birds awakening, and the storm in her heart quieted for a moment as she soaked up the calm of the lake.

That was when she heard hoof-beats, which placed her in a bit of a quandary, after all, she was a woman alone and it was still barely dawn, but hoof-beats may also mean someone willing to offer her a ride. There wasn’t long to decide, the horse was coming quickly and she realised that it had to be a single rider.

If they were in a hurry, they were hardly likely to stop and bother her, so she stayed where she was.

It rapidly became evident that that was a poor choice. Out of the lingering tendrils of mist came a rider in black, seated upon a large black horse. The rider was in nothing but trousers and a shirt, his long raven hair flying about his head as the horse galloped along the road.

Rey, who was peering past some tall grass, shrank back and tried to scramble further up the bank and so over, where she would be hidden from view.

She left her carpet bag where it was, but even so she wasn’t far enough when the rider became aware they were not alone on the road.

The sharp whinny of a startled horse rang out as the sound of galloping hooves came to a clattering stop and Rey slowly turned her head till she could recognise that she had in fact, been spotted. 

Of all the ill luck, she couldn’t even manage to hide from him. Warily, she turned her body and slithered back down the bank, which wasn’t very far. Smoothing her skirts, she stood as the horse danced slightly in the road, agitated no doubt by the abrupt halt. 

“Miss Johnson,” Lord Ren said stiffly, though sounding a little out of breath.

Rey continued to keep her eyes on the horses hooves - she wouldn’t put her heart through any more pain than was necessary. For what reason was he here? Why come after her?

Although he had been her master, the letters back in her room were proof that that was over, even if he did not yet know it.

“Lord Ren,” she countered weakly, otherwise at a loss at what to say - she had been sure everything that needed to be said, had been, so what did he mean by riding after her in just his shirt-sleeves?

“Miss Johnson-.”

Rey watched, feeling a little detached, as his boots descended to the ground, and strode over to her. They came to a stop just in front of her and she felt it again, that feeling of the air rushing out of her lungs as her chest was gripped in an invisible vice.

“What do you want?” she asked thickly, unable to keep the bitter hurt out of her voice. Did he wish to humiliate her further? Adding insult to injury was pure cruelty at this juncture, she had not thought him capable of that.

“What do I-?” he repeated, for all the world sounding genuinely confused.

She made no reply, either he would give her an answer, or she would walk away. Stooping, she gripped the worn leather handles of her carpet bag, making herself ready to move as soon as this last indignity was over. 

“What do I want?” he said again, this time finishing the sentence. His voice was pained, tightly controlled as if he wished to shout, “What do I want?” a deep breath then, “Rey, I want you.”

There must be something wrong with her ears, or her mind had finally slipped sideways and she was hearing the things her heart wished so desperately for him to say.

“I-” a sharp exhale, his boots shifted as if he were uncomfortable, “Look, I know that you loathe me, but, I can’t-” his steps and voice became agitated, “Do you think you could stay at Varykino? Even knowing what you do? I am fully aware that you do not return my feelings, but I can’t, I simply cannot live in a world without you, even if I have to live with the agony of the unrequited. I can repress my feelings, I,” another rough exhale, this time shaky, “Just, _ please _ \- I promise I will make no advances upon you, I will not pursue you, I just… I cannot bear the thought of never seeing you again.” 

Her face was wet, the warmth of tears and the sting of salt in the cool air, even though she felt disconnected from herself and from the scene, her eyes still evidenced her heartache. It was a curiosity. She really had gone mad, she thought distantly, her weary body and shocked system beginning to let go of reality. 

What she would give, for those words to be real rather than a figment of her desperate imagination.

“I left my letter of resignation in my room,” she heard herself say remotely, “I apologise for what has happened, it was most unconsciously done and with my absence, I hope that you will be released from such a reprehensible connection.”

And so saying, she turned towards the east, and began to walk again, though she could barely see through the film of tears in her eyes. 

_ Just let me go, let me go. Please, please, just let me go. _

A large, warm hand curled around her wrist, arresting her movement with a jerk before she was dragged back, stumbling into a broad chest. Another large hand cupped her chin and raised it so she had no choice but to stare her tormentor in the face. 

“_ Rey, _” he breathed, his voice choked yet somehow hopeful, “Please, did you not hear me?”

She frowned, the grip on her chin was uncomfortable and she was mortifyingly aware that her tears were rapidly soaking his fingers. 

His dark eyes searched hers, for a moment flashing gold, a sign that Ben was there, too, that at least, had not been a lie, her dreams of him being her friend were true, she knew that much. She would miss him as well. That thought, a new loss, pulled a shuddering sob from her chest, and she shut her eyes, so she wouldn’t have to see anymore.

“If I am wrong…” his voice had grown deeper, lower, “If I am wrong, then forgive me this one last attempt.” 

He didn't give her long to try and understand his words, for his lips pressed against hers, warm and soft and desperate, and without meaning to, she responded, her lips moving against his even as her eyes overflowed. 

What was happening?

What did it mean?

Why was he-

Her mind stopped and her body took over, her hands went to clutch his shirt because she felt like she was being carried away, as if she had been caught up by a unstoppable force and was helpless to save herself from drowning… and if she were able? She wouldn’t have stopped this for all the tea in china.

When she kissed him back, his lips grew frantic, his tongue swept into her mouth as her lips parted, tangling with hers in a way that made her dizzy and hot. Her skin prickled and shivers raced up her spine as he pressed a large hand on the small of her back so her body moulded to his, her softness pressed against the hard planes of his body. He groaned into her mouth, the sound sinful and wicked and her knees trembled in response, but he finally pulled away from her, just enough so he could rest his forehead against hers, their breaths intermingling as they stared into each other's eyes.

“You,” he stuttered, “You feel it too, do you not?”

“Yes,” she answered simply, overwhelmed and unable to utter anything further. 

Her voice was whisper-quiet but he heard it, the smile that he gave her in response was devastating, it was so soft and full of hope, his eyes shone, he even produced dimples.

“Don’t be afraid, Rey,” he said quietly, but with such conviction it took her breath away, “Don’t ever be afraid again.”

Letting go of her, he sank to one knee before her, his hand going to the neck of his shirt where he pulled out a chain, upon which hung a ring.

The ring was gold, with an oval cut red diamond gracing its centre, complemented with a stunning halo of white diamonds and three smaller diamonds set in the band on either side of the main decoration. 

“Rey Johnson,” he took a shuddering breath as his smile turned nervous, “Will you do me the very great honour of consenting to be my wife?”

The thickness of his fingers didn’t prevent him from nimbly slipping the ring off its chain and then her trembling hand was grasped in his. “Rey, will you marry me?”

For once, his face was open to her, she could clearly read the hope and the anxiety, the fear and longing. 

This was real, _ this was all real. _

In matters such as these, she felt reason could wait, and she went with her heart.

“Yes,” she whispered, voice cracking a little, “Yes, Lord Ren,” she bit her lip, insecurity still lurking at the periphery of her mind, “If you are certain, then yes, I will marry you.”  
The sheer relief that passed over his face as he gently yet promptly slid the ring onto her finger, may have been comical at another time, now though, it was just beautiful and only made her love him more.

“I have never been more certain of anything else in my life.” 

It was the honest truth, she could see the veracity in his impassioned, yet steady gaze.

Once the ring was securely on her finger, he stood and pulled her into his arms, spinning for a moment before kissing her again, reverently, ardently, as he held her as close to him as was possible.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Sorry about the angst, but it didn’t last long and he proposed, so hopefully that makes up for it. Short last chapter will be posted on September 30th ♥   
No doubt you have some questions, the answers didn’t fit in with the pacing and feel of the last chapters, but they should be answered in the sequel/companion piece in Kylo’s POV.  
Thank you so much for all your comments, I’ve been so nervous about how this ends, really hope it doesn’t disappoint ♥


	25. Chapter 25

When they finally parted, they found that Silencer had wandered off and was contentedly cropping grass.

Lord Ren went to retrieve him and Rey found her carpet bag, acutely aware of the weight of the ring on her finger as doubts began to set in - could they marry? Truly? The relative situation of their classes were highly incompatible, what would people think of them? Everyone would assume she had somehow ensnared him, that she was a harlot as Snoke had suggested. How would they live? She could hardly take up the mantle of Lady of the house - she had lived there as a servant, made friends with the other staff - she couldn’t change the way they interacted… and she would have no idea how to be a Lady in the first place. This was madness! It was a beautiful dream that could very well end in a miserable nightmare... And what if he came to regret tying himself to her?

“Rey?”

She looked up to find both Lord Ren and Silencer regarding her and swallowed as her happiness drained away.

“Lord Ren,” she began, but paused when he emphatically shook his head.

“Kylo, please, call me Kylo.”

Rey bit her lip, “ _ Kylo _ ,” the name was strange on her lips, and despite all her misgivings a small burst of joy sputtered through her heart. “Kylo,” she would savour it while she could, “This, that is to say,” she bit her lip again, and he walked close enough for his hand to find hers, “How can we marry? The disparity of our situations, the-”

A large warm finger stopped her lips, as Kylo gazed seriously into her eyes, “Rey, I do not care in the least what people may say about us, my peers can go hang themselves if they are offended, my family can disown me and it would not influence my love for you or my wants and desires. If you think you can love me, if you think that you will be happy being joined to a,” his face twisted and she felt a pain in her chest, “To a monster, then that is all that matters to me.”

“But-”

“We are engaged,” he let out a shuddering breath, “And engagements can end…” his eyes searched hers, there was fear in them and it hurt her to see it, “But, can we not at least try? There will be ample time to consider the particulars, I understand that there will be obstacles in our path and it will be a great change for us both, for everyone at Varykino, but please, allow us some time to explore the possibilities.”

Possibilities...  _ improbable, not impossible _ , Lor- Kylo was a werewolf, that should be impossible, but it was not, so why should them being happy together, despite their differences, be impossible? As she thought of Maz, another memory stirred; at their first meeting, the old woman had told her that the belonging she sought was ahead of her, could she have meant Kylo? Had Maz known somehow? She had told Rey that her dreaming of the wolf was significant, which seemed to indicate that she had known they were connected, perhaps even been aware they were soulmates. 

If she didn’t give this a chance, she would be squandering something infinitely precious, she would be a coward, she would be the author of her own unhappiness.

Squeezing his hand, she nodded, “I want to try, of course I do.” She bit her lip, “Forgive me, I am just a little overwhelmed.”

Kylo smiled softly at her, his thumb gently stroking her cheek, “There is nothing to forgive, Rey, nothing.”

After a tender kiss on her forehead, they drew apart, “I am afraid we need to go back to the house, Hux worries if I have not returned by now.”

_ That _ reminded Rey of all that had come before last night, and there was no small amount of indignation. 

“Am I correct in understanding that everyone knows?”

Kylo nodded as he settled Silencer, then mounted, “Yes, it was necessary, for their safety as well as allowing me to be myself in my home. Hux was with me when I first turned, he aided me afterwards, kept my secret and remained my friend,” his eyes were lost in memory as his countenance grew melancholy, “If not for him, I am not certain I would be here today.”

With a small shake, he roused himself and smiled slightly, “Hold onto your bag.” As he had done that day in the rain, he gripped her by the waist and hauled her up to sit sideways in front of him. 

“Oh!” Rey exclaimed with rose tinted cheeks - despite having kissed Kylo, this still felt very intimate, “It isn’t raining, should I not walk?”

With a warm chuckle that she could feel vibrate in his chest, he clucked to Silencer, who started off at a brisk walk. “Unless you wish to, no. It is still early, besides, this reminds me of a very good day a few months ago.” He pressed his lips to her temple, and she could hear the smile in his voice, “You looked so small and forlorn, even in the rain I could scent you, sense you. It was like some wonderful torture, having you in my arms like that and not being able to do this,” he pressed his lips to the side of her jaw and cheek and her blush intensified. 

This time, Rey felt a little more comfortable, not so stunned at the arm around her waist or the warmth of his body pressed against her back, though she had to trust him more, for holding onto her bag meant she could not grasp his arm. Even so, she felt as safe as houses.

As they rode, they exchanged little details of all that had happened since her arrival at Varykino, how each of them had fought against their feelings and being affected by the other, how ultimately, their efforts had been in vain and how glad they were that it were so. 

It made her ashamed, how she had been so quick and harsh to judge him as she had in the beginning, how she had blamed him for living as he had, despite not knowing the truth of the matter, of how he suffered with something so obviously not of his choosing… she kept those thoughts to herself though, he had suffered enough, there was no reason for him to know of how she had condemned him, even if it had just been in her own mind, knowing would only hurt him, so she resolved to be better and kinder in the future. 

The dawn had bloomed into a bright, sunny day and Rey recalled with even more guilt that usually Kylo was abed, exhausted and debilitated from his nightly tribulations.

“Forgive me, I caused you to come after me when you must desperately need rest!”

The arm around her tightened, soft lips were pressed to her cheek, “Rey, Sweetheart, you must stop apologising for things that are beyond your control or do not matter, please. I would have gone to the end of the world for you, and been glad to do so. Besides, I feel no weakness, not with you in my arms.”

A warm glow flushed through her at the term of endearment, somehow, it sounded familiar, as if she had heard it before but couldn’t place when or where. 

They passed a few people on the road, some paid them no mind, a few raised their eyebrows but nothing untoward occurred. 

But as they came closer to Varykino, Rey began to feel very nervous indeed. How would Mr Hux, Dopheld and Poe react? A vision of Poe spitting in her face, while preposterous, still added to her anxiety.

Soon they were turning down the lane that led to the house and she started to chew her lip.

“Almost home,” Kylo said contentedly in her ear, sounding not the least bit concerned about their reception.

Still, the way he said  _ home _ , made her smile in spite of her concerns, the implication that it was  _ their  _ home, rather than his home, felt infinitely precious. 

Mr Hux hurried out of the stables as soon as they drew near the house. His expression of worry eased slightly when he Silencer, then Rey could see the exact moment he realised Kylo was not alone.

“Lord Ren,” he said carefully, unconsciously smoothing his normally neat hair, “Is all… well?”

“It is quite all right, Hux,” Kylo said and Rey was certain he was smirking but couldn’t quite see, “My fiancée and I had a brief misunderstanding, but all is well now.”

“Oh, well, I am glad to hear it-” Mr Hux cut himself off with a shocked gasp, “Did you… did I hear you correctly?”

“That entirely depends on what you think you heard, Hux.” 

Rey had never seen such a playful side to him before, it was rather endearing, even if he was making sport of Mr Hux.

“If you heard me name Rey my fiancée, then yes, you heard me correctly.” 

They drew up to the mounting block and when there came no answer from Hux, Kylo turned in the saddle, “Do close your mouth, Hux, you’re apt to catch flies like that. Would you be so kind as to take Rey’s bag so she may dismount safely?”

Mr Hux appeared in her line of vision, mouth shut but eyes wide and shocked as he took her bag.

As she dismounted, she heard him ask quietly, “Please tell me she knows, Kylo, so help me God, she better know.”

Kylo shook his head, “I would have hoped you’d know me better, Hux, of course she knows, and,” he hesitated for a second, then nodded to himself, “And she met Ben last night.” He took that moment to dismount himself, smirking at Mr Hux who was gaping like a landed fish. Taking Silencer’s reins, he led the animal into the stable and Rey was left with Mr Hux, whose mouth was now closed and whose eyes were bright and warm with something akin to joy.

Taking her hand in his, he smiled fondly at her, “Do you know, the day I met you, I knew that you were special. Kylo, although my master, is a very dear friend, who has spent a long time suffering from his condition, I am so happy that you return his affection.”

This was not the reaction Rey had been bracing herself for, and his kind words made her eyes prickle, “Thank you, Mr Hux. I never expected to find love, here or anywhere, and I do not know what I have done to deserve his regard, but I think I may be the most fortunate woman in all of England.” After a brief hesitation, she asked apprehensively, “Do you think Dopheld and Poe will think ill of me?”

Mr Hux’s eyebrows drew down, “Think ill of you? Certainly it is an unexpected turn of events, but I don’t see how that matters here.” He licked his lips, then added carefully, “I found your note - when you didn’t appear and Kylo was already missing, I grew worried. I think both Dopheld and Poe will be very glad you have returned, irrespective of this change.”

The sound of footsteps broke them apart and Kylo joined them, entwining his fingers with Rey’s, “Please tell me there is steak,” he said as they started towards the house, “I’m famished.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course there is steak,” Mr Hux replied, clearly pleased to be able to throw formality out of the window, “When we saw Silencer was missing, Poe took Bee up to Dockray to see if you were there.” He glared at Kylo over his shoulder as they entered the house, “Next time, be so kind as to leave a note, rather than let us worry.”

They all trooped down to the kitchen - evidently Kylo was unwilling to leave her alone for one moment more than necessary, and Rey found she didn’t really want him to.

It did, however, startle poor Dopheld, especially as his darting eyes found their linked hands.

“What?” he asked, apparently unable to articulate anything further.

“Good morning Mitaka,” Kylo said cheerfully, “Is there a pot of tea ready?”

Dopheld’s bewildered eyes turned to Mr Hux, who sighed and shook his head, “Sit down, Dopheld,” he paused as the other man almost fell into a chair, then continued, “Ren is fine, Rey is well and they are engaged to be married.” Mr Hux paused again as Dopheld made a shocked noise and Rey thought it was a good thing that he wasn’t drinking tea, “And Rey knows about Ben.”

Despite not eating or drinking anything at that moment, Dopheld still managed to choke. Mr Hux went to pat him on the back, so Rey found the full pot of tea and poured everyone a cup, putting some extra sugar in Dopheld’s for the shock.

Enlightening Poe, when he arrived home not long later, was more dramatic, but in the end, both he and Dopheld seemed genuinely pleased, especially, as Poe gleefully pointed out, because now they could go back to living as they had before. It seemed the hierarchy could be even less defined than Rey had thought it was.

Kylo had fought his body, but by mid-morning, he was flagging and Rey insisted he go and rest. His argumentative yet sleepy grumbling had been quite delightful, but he went eventually, after many kisses, professions of love, and entreaties for her to still be there when he awoke.

Rey went down to the kitchen, a little lost without his presence, every other moment staring at the ring on her finger and shaking her head or smiling in disbelief.

Dopheld had disappeared, so she busied herself making Victoria sandwiches, planning to use fresh strawberries and whipped cream in lieu of conserve.

It felt good to be back in the familiar kitchen, to be really and truly  _ home _ , in a way that she never thought would be hers.

Once the cake was cooling, she went up to her room to unpack her bag and put away her things.

Until they were married, (even now she had to pinch herself at such a thought), she would be content to stay in this room, after all, it was in this room that she had first heard Ben howl, first dreamt of him, first caught a glimpse of him. Those memories would be cherished until the day she died.

As her thoughts turned to beds and sleeping arrangements, her cheeks grew hot and her stomach started the now familiar flip-flopping. 

The idea of waking up to Kylo every morning made her at once both giddy and petrified. She was generally aware of what went on between a man and a woman in that regard, growing up as she had made it impossible to not have some idea, but that didn’t assuage any nervousness she felt. 

After several moments of allowing her jitters free range, she decided that what she needed was a cup of tea. If there existed in the world a better cure-all, she did not know it.

Mr Hux, after reading her letter, had left it with the one to Lady Solo, so she took those down with her and with some small amount of ceremony, gave them to the fire in the kitchen.

Poe and Dopheld appeared just as she was setting plates of sandwiches, pie and salad on the table for lunch.

It didn’t surprise her when Poe entered with his nose in the air and a grin on his face, “Unless I am very much mistaken, you’ve baked us a treat, Rey.”

Rey smiled, still overwhelmingly grateful that they remained friends, “Perhaps if you are on your best behaviour, there might be something to go with tea this afternoon.” She disregarded their appeals against the deferment and refused to budge.

Later, as she was putting the finishing touches to the Victoria sandwiches, strong arms slipped around her waist and she squeaked in surprise.

A chuckle, warm and dark as molasses sounded in her ear.

“You really do startle so easily, Sweetheart,” Kylo said puckishly, then pressed his lips to the delicate skin on the back of her neck.

Rey smiled, despite his teasing, “And clearly you delight in startling me. It seems more than a little unfair that you are able to move so silently.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, the sound somehow went straight to her stomach, “You startled me first, on the 17th of March when you walked into my life and insisted I needed a maid. Indeed, you’ve kept me in a state of continued startlement ever since, so I do not think you may blame me for returning in kind, every now and then.” 

With a huff to cover how much she was blushing and beaming, Rey shook her head, “You, my Lord Ren, are utterly ridiculous!” 

“ _ Oh _ ,” his voice had grown deeper, “ _ Your _ Lord Ren, am I?” His large hands on her hips insistently made her turn in the circle of his arms so they were face to face, “Do you know how long I’ve been wishing you would address me as such?”

Feeling not a little flustered, Rey distractedly smoothed her apron, “I confess, I do not.”

Softly pressing his lips briefly to hers, he drew back, “Since the 18th of March. How you tormented me every time you didn’t say it. Though I must concede that you were very consistent, never once did you slip up, till now.”

“I can assure you that I did not slip up just now, it was quite intentional to call you  _ my _ Lord.” 

Kylo let out a deep, contented sigh, and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms about her tightly, “I hope you never stop,” he murmured into her hair earnestly.

Rey returned his embrace, she could not remember the last time a person had embraced her, whether it had felt as magical and meaningful as it did now. It couldn’t have meant even the slightest bit as much as this, or she would have recalled it. 

In his arms, everything was perfect, it was love, it was affection, it was safety, it was belonging, it was home.

All the ills of the world were as nothing now, because she would never have to face them alone again. 

Of course, Kylo still owed her a story, the truth of his past and how Ben came into being, but she knew when the time was right, he would tell her, there was nothing he could say that would make her change her mind about him. Whatever trauma he had endured, she loved him and would love him still, because her heart knew him and that was what really mattered. 

  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there we go.   
I had [All Boundaries Are Conventions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PYJcwH4wx4) on a loop in my head while finishing this ♥   
Thank you for all the comments and support and I hope you enjoyed it, I will confess I was blown away by how many people liked this one and still feel rather overwhelmed. Hades is still doing very well btw thanks for all your good wishes ^_^  
Keep an eye out for Kylo’s POV which has yet to be titled, it may take a little while as real life is kicking my ass, but it will happen, pinky promise ♥ 
> 
> **Victoria Sponge with Strawberries and Cream** (my version)
> 
> 8 ounces SR flour  
8 ounces butter  
8 ounces caster sugar  
4 eggs  
1 tsp vanilla essence  
1 punnet of strawberries   
300ml double cream
> 
> Cream together the butter and sugar. Add a spoonful of flour and mix, then an egg and mix, alternate until the eggs are gone and then mix in the last of the flour. Add the vanilla essence and mix until the batter is smooth.  
Pour into two round cake tins or one large tin (lined if needed).  
Bake near the centre of the oven for 30 -35 on 160 c (fan oven) or 45 minutes on 180 c (keep an eye on them as my oven is weird and yours may cook slower or faster).  
When they are done the centre feels springy and a skewer inserted comes out clean.  
Allow to cool.  
If you use one tin, you will need to slice the cake horizontally into two thin halves, if you use two tins, level off the cake you will use as the bottom.  
Reserving 5 large strawberries, slice the rest into flat pieces a few millimetres thick.   
Whip the cream until it is stiff and use two thirds of it on the top of the bottom part of the cake, place the sliced strawberries on top of the cream, then add the top cake.  
For the top decoration, blob 8 dollops of cream around the edge of the cake and one on the middle. Slice all the remaining strawberries in half, except one, and place them on a blob of cream each. The last strawberry remains whole and goes in the centre.  
Of course, you don’t have to do it that simply, I’m just lazy lol  
Serve with a cup of tea (also very good the next morning for breakfast, by then the flavour of the strawberries has bled into the cake and cream and it is delicious.) 


End file.
